A few days after finding out we didn't get the two year old girl - we're fine with it. Sometimes you think it and say it but you aren't really sure. But, we can honestly say we're sure. We found out she went to a bi-lingual family. We figured....we're happy about that.
Now, a few days later, we have a new case to consider. In fact, it's pretty much in our laps to decide on. We're excited - we really are. But, at the same time, it's not the perfect situation. Or, rather, it's not the situation we envisioned ourselves in at the beginning of this process. We know there are no perfect situations in this.
We were actaually presented with her case awhile ago and were told she was adopted. Turns out, that's not true. The family that was going to adopt her read her casefile and had some concerns about some stuff and backed out. She's 10 years old and......I'll just leave the details out for now.....since I'm not really supposed to talk about this at all. I'm just talking to myself really. She has Oppositional Defiance Disorder....in other words, she's a challenge. But, the therapist and caseworker all say that they don't understand how she was diagnosed with that. She hasn't shown signs in 2 years. She has brothers and sisters that are spread out around Central Texas. Sounds like she's the oldest and she was taking care of them for awhile.
My concerns are - if we adopt her, that may be it. No more. They want her to be an only child. She's older than we originally were going in for.....but we changed our minds throughout the process. We're both at or near 40 and a 10 year old will bridge the gap a little. But, if/when we commit, that's it. No more. That's tough to take. Maybe it will change....but we have to go into it with the mindset that this is it.
We're going to move forward with it I think.....Lori and I have done a lot of talking to this point and I think we both just want to talk to the caseworkers to find out WHY they picked US as a good fit for this little girl. Was there something about us? Or are we just available and we look nice? I think if they can give us a reason - any reason - other than "you look nice" then we'll be ready. Since neither Lori or I grew up in an oppositional/confrontational home, what makes them think we'd be good and handling a girl that is confrontational?
These are all concerns that we'd be concerned about ANY child. In the limited info that we have, there are some red flags. Sure there are. But there are also some white flags. Indications that some of the stuff in her file may just be a crappy family. Claims that may or may not have been true....parents that were struggling for survival and staying out of trouble maybe.......
Which means if we do decide - we're going to have some fun right off the bat. This girl has been through some crappy situations (a lot of which I'm not at liberty to talk about). I'm not sure her foster family is the "best fit". She likes sports. She likes roller coasters. She's supposed to have a sense of humor. Sound familiar? We'll be a Schlitterbahn/Sea World/Fiesta Texas whirlwind for the first few months. With discipline, of course....but we'll have fun.
A lot to think about. And....the scary thing is that it is very possible that we're talking days instead of weeks and months that this could be a reality. At least I think that's the plan.
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