Time for a nervous ramble.
It seems like I always get the urge to write on a quiet Friday night. We've gone through the motions today. Luckily, it was a horrible day at the office, so I was able to keep my mind on work instead of watching the clock and waiting for 10 am on Saturday to roll around. It was hard not talking about it. All I want to do is talk about it. But, it's so complex. Things change so rapidly, any news I tell anyone would get confusing. It's better to just wait until there is something real to tell. People treat the news like we're pregnant and about to have a baby. They don't see the struggle these kids have had and understand the slow process this must become so they don't feel like they are just moving in and out of every home they've ever been in.
All the emotion that I've held in check is right there on the surface today. No matter what I try to think about, Dalton and Bailey keep popping in. I'm excited, but nervous, about tomorrow because it IS a big day, no matter how much we downplay it. How many parents get this opportunity to introduce themselves to their own children? I hope they aren't scared or intimidated by us. I don't think they will be. I'm almost certain they won't. But we don't know. It sure would make things easier on us for the next two weeks if we knew the kids were eager to see us again the next time. If not, we'll keep moving forward. And if so, every day after will be a lot brighter as we move forward.
We started this thinking we were doing something noble. We were going to "save" one of these kids from abuse and neglect. We said we'd take two kids, but never thought the possibility would come up. We said "in the right situation." Turns out, we're not sure there was ever a wrong situation. But this does feel like the right situation.
So....this is like Christmas eve. Except I already know what we're getting for Christmas. What greater gift could there be in the universe? Lori and I are both a little scared that we're going to be bawling for the first thirty minutes. I'm going to do my best not to. I'm not sure how I'm ever going to get to sleep tonight? It's like standing on a cliff looking out on the great unknown.
I have so much stuff I want to ask these kids. I want them to have so much fun. Part of me hopes they've already had a lot of fun. But, another part wants to help them experience some of the things that I had such a good time doing as a kid. Can they swim? Do they like animals? The zoo? I'm sure they are too young for roller coasters, but I hope they're willing. Do they know who Shamu is? If not, we're going to HAVE to figure that one out quickly. What kind of food do they like? Pizza? Spaghetti? Hamburgers? Vegetables? Are they picky eaters? What movies have they seen? Cars? Up!? Wall-E? The muppets? What TV do they like to watch? Spongebob? iCarley? Looney Tunes? 60 Minutes? Can they ride a bike? Do I get to teach that to them? Do they like to play sports? Do they want to play sports? Do they want to be in cub scouts or girl scouts? Will Lori even want to do that? Does Bailey want to be a cheerleader? Dance? Gymnastics? What kind of toys do they like to play with? Board games? Electronics? Candy Land? Legos? What are they good at in school? Math? Spelling? Reading? Do they like school or hate it? Will Dalton (or Bailey) want to go watch football with me this or next year? Will he look up to his older cousin, TJ? Will TJ want a little cousin to idolize him? Will the same be true with Alysia and Bailey? Will both the kids look forward to seeing Mackenzie when she comes over? Will they like my mom and dad and the farm? Are they afraid of dogs? Will they connect with Lori's mom and dad? Are they excited about having their own rooms? What color do they want to paint their rooms? What kind of stuff do they want to put on their walls?
That's just off the top of my head.
Lori's parents know where we are going tomorrow. My parents have no idea. I'm not sure how we're going to leave McDonalds and go across to the family reunion and not be a ball of energy and nerves. I don't know how we're supposed to sit in a room and not talk about the two hour meeting with Dalton and Bailey.
But I'm excited to see my cousin Dawn and her new baby. I love the family reunion each year. It'll be a great story for next year. Ok. I was able to write this out and now I might be able to watch TV or something.
14 more hours until I meet my future children. I still can't get it out of my head about how awesome that is.
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