Well...I've been a father for three weeks now (tomorrow). Every night, after the kids fall asleep, I tell myself I'm going to come in here and write about my day....my week....whatever. Every night I sit in this chair and promptly fall asleep.
The good news is, I think Lori and I are darned good at this parenting thing. The kids are adjusting well, doing pretty good at school, enjoying their time with the extended family. We're settling in to a routine. 95% of the time, the kids are little angels who are more loving and affectionate than any kids I've ever been around.
But that's the thing. When they're good - they're very very good. But when they don't want to be good, it gets rough. And typing that and reading it back makes it seem like I'm whining or that every parent goes through that. The last week has been unusually rough and for Lori and I, kind of heartbreaking.
Our little girl is going into rages where she is trying to injure us, herself, the furniture, her brother, etc. It's really pretty scary. The first night it happened, we had to call someone for assistance. She was here tonight to talk to the kids. She left and we thought it was cotton candy and rainbows. Not 30 seconds after she left did the kicking, screaming, and hateful words start spewing out. We called our contact, someone that has known the kids for several years and she got to witness just what we've been going through this week. Part of me was a little sad that we couldn't handle it ourselves. But, honestly, I was thrilled that we had a witness. The contact had never seen her like this and some of the violence carried over to her.
I hope we can figure out a way to get through to her when she's like that. I don't know. It breaks my heart that she's in the trance that she's in. It breaks my heart that if she continues, things will change in ways none of us want. Lori and I are treading carefully and gently. No major injuries, breakages, etc. But, we know we need help and answers and need them QUICK!
There's so much more I want to write - but honestly, I'm tired. I'm hopeful, but tired. I hope we have a better day tomorrow. I hope the kids can handle the day. I hope we can handle the nights.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Meet the Parents....
We are now officially, by all definitions - parents. We've had the kids since Saturday, and each night I tell myself that I'm going to come here and write down my feelings of the day, and each night I fall asleep before I ever get to the screen. I haven't watched a second of television since Saturday that hasn't been programmed for someone over the age of 8.
Saturday was an incredible experience. We started out early, at lunch at our favorite mexican food restaurant along the way, and got to the foster mom's house right at 2 pm. The kids had thrown a "going away party" for Dalton and Bailey. I had made cookies for all the kids. I didn't want to show up empty handed. Lori sat and asked the foster mom as many questions as we could sqeeze in and I played with the kids. I had written on our photo album that I liked to do magic tricks. The kids JUMPED on that! Luckily, I was able to do a couple things with a quarter. They caught me off guard though - I'm going to have to pull out all the stops when we go back to visit.
Leaving there was sad for me. We were happy - but it was a sad moment. There were a couple of older girls that kind of "looked after" Bailey that were the sweetest girls around. I only met them a couple of times for a total of 15 minutes, but I miss them. I was super-impressed by one of the girls who was very sad that Bailey was leaving - but she wouldn't let Bailey see her cry. I did though. Broke my heart in a million pieces.
We were prepared on the car ride back. We had a Finding Nemo DVD ready to go and it worked wonderfully with the long car ride back. Getting to the house was very exciting. The kids LOVED their rooms. Dalton freaked (in a good way) over his Hot Wheels track. Honestly, Bailey enjoyed playing with Dalton's stuff more than playing with her own. She likes it fine - but Dalton was SO excited, you couldn't help but want to help him play. Saturday, everything was fine and we settled in pretty well.......until bedtime. Bailey was very sad. We had to call the foster mom to say goodnight. Then, she decided she wanted to go back and we had a real hard time getting her to go to sleep. We succeeded though. Like I said - Amazing, life changing day.
Day two was Sunday and we started trying to get into a routine. Did a pretty good job of it. We discovered quickly that our "outside toys" really stunk. So, armed with a gift card from my office, we set out to supply the kids with more entertainment. We got Dalton a better/bigger track for his Hot Wheels cars. We got Bailey a cheap Cinderella computer. And - we got a soccer ball and goal and a ring toss game for outside. The kids LOVED the soccer ball. Ring toss, too, but the soccer ball is where it was at! We were doing fine until Bailey decided she wasn't going to pick up her shoes and she decided to tell me so in a disrespectful way. Time-out time. She did NOT want to go. 20 minutes of a screaming, fighting FIT. Finally, Lori hit on the magic question - "Are you ready for me to start the clock?" Somehow, a switch went off and she became a different child in 2 seconds. She was sweet the rest of the day, including bedtime.
Today was a LOT better day all around. the kids understood our schedule and helped out a bunch. We went after lunch to the park and fed the ducks, played at the playground, and got a sno-cone. We even took the dog......
Oh. The dog. That's been a bit of an issue. The dog LOVES the kids. Constant attention. But, she doesn't know the difference between a stuffed animal and a dog toy. She's been taking stuffed animals. Dalton didn't like it, tried to retrieve an animal and got a little bit in the process. Should have learned, right? Wrong. Tried to hug the dog by picking her up by the neck. Bit again. Well....nipped. But it scared him. Terrified us. He was fine in seconds. The dog was out from under the bed in minutes. We on the other hand were wrecks about it for a couple of hours. I don't think the kids have learned yet and I fully expect it to happen again once or twice this week. The dog actually goes in and sleeps with Dalton for half of the night. The kids just don't know how to handle a dog yet.
We had another meltdown with Bailey today after the ducks. She was tired, but the same type of meltdown over nothing. We were patient and persistent though and when Lori asked the magic question, she was fine. Then again, tonight, she did it again. Screaming at the top of her lungs for 15 minutes about a problem that is unsolvable. For the third time, she turned it off like a switch, sat in time out for 4 minutes, and pretended like she has always been the sweetest girl inTexas.
Tonight has been a mountain of paperwork for school tomorrow. We aren't even sure we have all of it from the case worker and / or the foster family. But, we're going up there to deal with what we have to deal with.
So - now that I'm falling asleep, have sore knees, and smell like Hot Wheels and Barbie dolls, how do I feel about things? First - my wife has been AWESOME at this. I really have been proud of her reaction to the day and the positive attitude towards the day to come. More than I ever expected. I am SO SO proud of my little man, Dalton. He wants to please us SO bad. Some of his tactics are transparent, but SO heartbreakingly cute. He wants to keep his little sister out of trouble and will do anything he can to fix her problems. He's been no trouble at all at bathtime, bedtime, etc. They're both BIG eaters and aren't picky at all. We are so lucky in that department.
But.....more later. Daddy has to go to bed.
Saturday was an incredible experience. We started out early, at lunch at our favorite mexican food restaurant along the way, and got to the foster mom's house right at 2 pm. The kids had thrown a "going away party" for Dalton and Bailey. I had made cookies for all the kids. I didn't want to show up empty handed. Lori sat and asked the foster mom as many questions as we could sqeeze in and I played with the kids. I had written on our photo album that I liked to do magic tricks. The kids JUMPED on that! Luckily, I was able to do a couple things with a quarter. They caught me off guard though - I'm going to have to pull out all the stops when we go back to visit.
Leaving there was sad for me. We were happy - but it was a sad moment. There were a couple of older girls that kind of "looked after" Bailey that were the sweetest girls around. I only met them a couple of times for a total of 15 minutes, but I miss them. I was super-impressed by one of the girls who was very sad that Bailey was leaving - but she wouldn't let Bailey see her cry. I did though. Broke my heart in a million pieces.
We were prepared on the car ride back. We had a Finding Nemo DVD ready to go and it worked wonderfully with the long car ride back. Getting to the house was very exciting. The kids LOVED their rooms. Dalton freaked (in a good way) over his Hot Wheels track. Honestly, Bailey enjoyed playing with Dalton's stuff more than playing with her own. She likes it fine - but Dalton was SO excited, you couldn't help but want to help him play. Saturday, everything was fine and we settled in pretty well.......until bedtime. Bailey was very sad. We had to call the foster mom to say goodnight. Then, she decided she wanted to go back and we had a real hard time getting her to go to sleep. We succeeded though. Like I said - Amazing, life changing day.
Day two was Sunday and we started trying to get into a routine. Did a pretty good job of it. We discovered quickly that our "outside toys" really stunk. So, armed with a gift card from my office, we set out to supply the kids with more entertainment. We got Dalton a better/bigger track for his Hot Wheels cars. We got Bailey a cheap Cinderella computer. And - we got a soccer ball and goal and a ring toss game for outside. The kids LOVED the soccer ball. Ring toss, too, but the soccer ball is where it was at! We were doing fine until Bailey decided she wasn't going to pick up her shoes and she decided to tell me so in a disrespectful way. Time-out time. She did NOT want to go. 20 minutes of a screaming, fighting FIT. Finally, Lori hit on the magic question - "Are you ready for me to start the clock?" Somehow, a switch went off and she became a different child in 2 seconds. She was sweet the rest of the day, including bedtime.
Today was a LOT better day all around. the kids understood our schedule and helped out a bunch. We went after lunch to the park and fed the ducks, played at the playground, and got a sno-cone. We even took the dog......
Oh. The dog. That's been a bit of an issue. The dog LOVES the kids. Constant attention. But, she doesn't know the difference between a stuffed animal and a dog toy. She's been taking stuffed animals. Dalton didn't like it, tried to retrieve an animal and got a little bit in the process. Should have learned, right? Wrong. Tried to hug the dog by picking her up by the neck. Bit again. Well....nipped. But it scared him. Terrified us. He was fine in seconds. The dog was out from under the bed in minutes. We on the other hand were wrecks about it for a couple of hours. I don't think the kids have learned yet and I fully expect it to happen again once or twice this week. The dog actually goes in and sleeps with Dalton for half of the night. The kids just don't know how to handle a dog yet.
We had another meltdown with Bailey today after the ducks. She was tired, but the same type of meltdown over nothing. We were patient and persistent though and when Lori asked the magic question, she was fine. Then again, tonight, she did it again. Screaming at the top of her lungs for 15 minutes about a problem that is unsolvable. For the third time, she turned it off like a switch, sat in time out for 4 minutes, and pretended like she has always been the sweetest girl inTexas.
Tonight has been a mountain of paperwork for school tomorrow. We aren't even sure we have all of it from the case worker and / or the foster family. But, we're going up there to deal with what we have to deal with.
So - now that I'm falling asleep, have sore knees, and smell like Hot Wheels and Barbie dolls, how do I feel about things? First - my wife has been AWESOME at this. I really have been proud of her reaction to the day and the positive attitude towards the day to come. More than I ever expected. I am SO SO proud of my little man, Dalton. He wants to please us SO bad. Some of his tactics are transparent, but SO heartbreakingly cute. He wants to keep his little sister out of trouble and will do anything he can to fix her problems. He's been no trouble at all at bathtime, bedtime, etc. They're both BIG eaters and aren't picky at all. We are so lucky in that department.
But.....more later. Daddy has to go to bed.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Eve of Everything
Here we are.
A wave of emotions has caught up with Lori and I over the last few days. We're finally at the door that we've been trying to knock on for a long while now. Tomorrow, they'll answer the door, put two perfect children in our car and give them to us. And that'll be it. Parents. It's an awesome thing to type, much less live through. Tomorrow our lives will change in amazing and wonderful ways. We've done everything we can do to think we are prepared. We know we aren't remotely prepared, but we've done what we can do. We've asked all the questions we know to ask. We know that there are a zillion that we don't know to as, but we've done what we can do. It's not nervousness - it's not fear - it's not all excitement. I think it's a mish-mash of a thousand emotions.
Fear - Are we REALLY ready for this? I think we are. But are we REALLY? I don't know. Is any parent?
Worry - What if the kids don't like it here? What if something happens to them at school or here? Will are dog accept them? Will we be able to handle them if they have a meltdown? Will I be able to if Lori has a meltdown? (LOL)
Sadness - I'm sad that the kids have to do this again. This isn't their first rodeo. It's going to be the biggest day in our lives...but probably not the kids. It's a shame. There are some rotten adults in this world. These kids deserve everything we can give them and more.
Happiness - Of course I'm over-the-moon with happiness. For the last 20 years, I've heard the same thing - "You're going to make a great father." For awhile, I didn't take it as a compliment. I have had a yearning to be a father my whole life. To make it this far without kids has been difficult. To hear others say that gets old. So, yeah. It's a big deal for me personally. It's big for Lori, too. But, this is a day she wants for me, too. She understands. My parents and her parents understand.
Hope - I hope these kids succeed. I hope they're happy here.....as happy as they can possibly be. I hope Dalton accepts all of us and accepts us as his forever parents. I hope my nephew TJ becomes the influence I think he can become for Dalton. I hope Bailey does the same. I hope she learns and grows and flourishes here. I hope she and Mackenzie get along. And I hope my niece Alysia becomes the role model I think she is. I hope these kids know that we think they're lucky to have this many people around them that love them and can't wait to meet them. It's a big world and I hope we all face it together with grace.
but most of all.....
Pride. I'm SO proud to be here tonight. I hope that feeling never leaves. I'm proud of Lori and I for doing this. We could have gone a different direction. We could have turned down two kids because of our own selfish reasons. I'm proud of how Lori has handled everything and how excited she is. It touches my heart more than she knows. When we started this, I asked her the tough questions as to why. The most important one being - Is she doing it for me or us? She's assured me it's for us and she's ready. And honestly, it took me some time to be convinced. But I am. I'm so proud. I'm proud of my in-laws. They have a tendency to look at the work things like this take to get accomplished. But, to their credit, they have been nothing but sweet, helpful, and supportive. I don't know if we'd be here without them. I am proud of my extended family. Especially my father. He's asked all the right questions and never pushed me for an answer. He's always been known as the "stoic" one of the family. But, I've seen his emotions when he found out about the kids. It's been a wonderful gift for me to watch. My mother has been great too, and I've asked a lot of her the last few weeks. My brother and sister-in-law seem to be very excited. I hope this helps us bond more. Another great moment was when my nephew TJ found out the kids were coming this weekend. He gave me a look I'd never seen. Again - it touched my heart. I'm proud of the kid's caseworkers for getting them through this rough time. They have sacrificed so much for them to come to us. It hasn't all been positive for them, but I'm proud that we're the end result for their efforts. They've all said they would adopt them if they could. And WE get to. And I'm proud of Dalton and Bailey. Nobody deserves to start their childhood the way they have. To go through it and be as smart and well-adjusted as they are....I'm SO proud. I'm proud of everybody for not failing these kids.
I am sure I'm feeling what expectant fathers feel the night before their son or daughter is born. But, they are full of wonder. What will the kids grow up to be.....I've already gotten a head start. I've been able to meet my kids. They already have opinions, quirks, habits, likes and dislikes. It's very emotional.
We're ready. Time for the world to start.
A wave of emotions has caught up with Lori and I over the last few days. We're finally at the door that we've been trying to knock on for a long while now. Tomorrow, they'll answer the door, put two perfect children in our car and give them to us. And that'll be it. Parents. It's an awesome thing to type, much less live through. Tomorrow our lives will change in amazing and wonderful ways. We've done everything we can do to think we are prepared. We know we aren't remotely prepared, but we've done what we can do. We've asked all the questions we know to ask. We know that there are a zillion that we don't know to as, but we've done what we can do. It's not nervousness - it's not fear - it's not all excitement. I think it's a mish-mash of a thousand emotions.
Fear - Are we REALLY ready for this? I think we are. But are we REALLY? I don't know. Is any parent?
Worry - What if the kids don't like it here? What if something happens to them at school or here? Will are dog accept them? Will we be able to handle them if they have a meltdown? Will I be able to if Lori has a meltdown? (LOL)
Sadness - I'm sad that the kids have to do this again. This isn't their first rodeo. It's going to be the biggest day in our lives...but probably not the kids. It's a shame. There are some rotten adults in this world. These kids deserve everything we can give them and more.
Happiness - Of course I'm over-the-moon with happiness. For the last 20 years, I've heard the same thing - "You're going to make a great father." For awhile, I didn't take it as a compliment. I have had a yearning to be a father my whole life. To make it this far without kids has been difficult. To hear others say that gets old. So, yeah. It's a big deal for me personally. It's big for Lori, too. But, this is a day she wants for me, too. She understands. My parents and her parents understand.
Hope - I hope these kids succeed. I hope they're happy here.....as happy as they can possibly be. I hope Dalton accepts all of us and accepts us as his forever parents. I hope my nephew TJ becomes the influence I think he can become for Dalton. I hope Bailey does the same. I hope she learns and grows and flourishes here. I hope she and Mackenzie get along. And I hope my niece Alysia becomes the role model I think she is. I hope these kids know that we think they're lucky to have this many people around them that love them and can't wait to meet them. It's a big world and I hope we all face it together with grace.
but most of all.....
Pride. I'm SO proud to be here tonight. I hope that feeling never leaves. I'm proud of Lori and I for doing this. We could have gone a different direction. We could have turned down two kids because of our own selfish reasons. I'm proud of how Lori has handled everything and how excited she is. It touches my heart more than she knows. When we started this, I asked her the tough questions as to why. The most important one being - Is she doing it for me or us? She's assured me it's for us and she's ready. And honestly, it took me some time to be convinced. But I am. I'm so proud. I'm proud of my in-laws. They have a tendency to look at the work things like this take to get accomplished. But, to their credit, they have been nothing but sweet, helpful, and supportive. I don't know if we'd be here without them. I am proud of my extended family. Especially my father. He's asked all the right questions and never pushed me for an answer. He's always been known as the "stoic" one of the family. But, I've seen his emotions when he found out about the kids. It's been a wonderful gift for me to watch. My mother has been great too, and I've asked a lot of her the last few weeks. My brother and sister-in-law seem to be very excited. I hope this helps us bond more. Another great moment was when my nephew TJ found out the kids were coming this weekend. He gave me a look I'd never seen. Again - it touched my heart. I'm proud of the kid's caseworkers for getting them through this rough time. They have sacrificed so much for them to come to us. It hasn't all been positive for them, but I'm proud that we're the end result for their efforts. They've all said they would adopt them if they could. And WE get to. And I'm proud of Dalton and Bailey. Nobody deserves to start their childhood the way they have. To go through it and be as smart and well-adjusted as they are....I'm SO proud. I'm proud of everybody for not failing these kids.
I am sure I'm feeling what expectant fathers feel the night before their son or daughter is born. But, they are full of wonder. What will the kids grow up to be.....I've already gotten a head start. I've been able to meet my kids. They already have opinions, quirks, habits, likes and dislikes. It's very emotional.
We're ready. Time for the world to start.
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