Sunday, November 21, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Adoption Day - There's No Place Like Home
November 19, 2010
It's a Boy! And a Girl! Today I became a father. A real father. A "touch-my-kid-and-I'll-@#%$-kill-you" father. Today Lori and I adopted the kids. Dalton Thomas Peters and Bailey Faith Peters were born at 10:30 am at the Bell County Justice Complex. I didn't think it was going to be that emotional, but boy was I wrong. The kids have been so nervous about "going to court" that we have played it down into no big deal. Court is a bad thing for the kids, no matter how much adults smile and tell them everything is going to be alright. They just know when adults have said that to them in the past, it wasn't alright. It wasn't alright at all.
So, I've been making Dalton say it back to me - What's going to change? "My name." What else? "Nothing." We're already a family. Adoption means a paperwork change but nothing else changes around here. Relax. Don't worry. The hard part is over. This is just a formality that we have to go through to make sure nobody at the state can ever change their mind. Ok dad. Can we watch Spongebob now? Cool.
I was wrong.
It was wonderful and scary and amazing and happy and touching all in one. So much happened in such a short amount of time that I don't know if I even saw it all, much less remember it all.
Our time was from 10:20 to 10:40. I think there were 20 adoptions on the books today, starting at 9 am. My mom and dad got their early and got to see the opening ceremonies. The court was decorated in a Wizard of Oz theme and the slogan was "There's No Place Like Home."
We arrived at 9:45 with Lori's parents. We spent the morning doing a lot of the mundane stuff - laundry, making calls for work, etc. I don't think it even registered that anyone was going to be there for me. It was a formality. That's what I've been telling myself for weeks. Then we walked in the building.
There were TV camera and reporters and case workers and lawyers - most of them I knew from our two years of doing all of this. Our adoption worker was there. Our foster case worker was there. The CASA worker was there, of course (she's been their biggest ally in all of this from the beginning). Her supervisor showed up. Our adoption lawyer, who I got to meet for the first time. Uncle Brent was already there. My mom and dad were already in their seats in the courtroom. Pastor Davis and his wife made it and the kids were THRILLED. The kids old case-worker (who is now 'retired") made it with his supervisor. Many of these people have seen this case through to the end.
I held it together pretty well. There was a lot going on and my job of "parent" had to be turned up. My kids were interrupting and touching everything and asking for stuff. I had to make sure they weren't knocking over the High Definition NBC camera. Then, when Preston walked in, I lost it. I wasn't sure he was coming. He had left the agency some time ago and we hadn't really had contact in six months. If he wouldn't have shown up, I think I would have been a little hurt for the kids. They hadn't asked about him in some time, but they would have known. I would have known. He was the reason we have the kids, in my opinion. He didn't follow protocol and he just saw our file and PICKED us. If it wasn't for him, we would have gone through a longer process and the kids probably would have gone to parents with other kids because of their "experience." Preston believed in us from the beginning and wanted us to have the kids almost from moment one. He trusted me with HIS kids. His presence today was the passing of the baton from their time in state care to my watch. I had about a five minute "get-it-together" session and then I was fine. Just in time for the big event.
We went in and the judges switched. I didn't really understand why at the time. I figured they just took turns. My kids had been going to court in what was their hometown at the time. It's about an hour away from our town. Turns out, the judge that presided over our case is the judge from their hometown. He's presided over all their hearings from day one. He made a point to cancel all of his adoptions for the morning so he could drive an hour out of his way to finish this case. Then, he drove back and did all of his work in the afternoon. I knew none of this until after we left the courthouse. I'm still humbled by the committment. Anyway.....back to the show.
We walked down the Yellow Brick Road to the courtroom. The kids immediately relaxed. It looked more like a playground than a courtroom. Bailey had been worried about the banging of the gavel for weeks. I had promised that I would ask if she could bang it when we got there. When it was our turn, the judge asked if they could come up and sit with him while they went through everything. Dalton immediately asked if he could bang the gavel. The judge, not knowing exactly what he was getting into, said "SURE!" Dalton got that look in his eye and I knew he was too far away from me to stop. With a loud "ORDER IN THE COURT!" Dalton slammed the gavel down on the granite countertop. That's my boy! Broke the gavel. The courtroom erupted in laughter. They were able to fix it quickly so he didn't get upset.
Five years ago today, Lori and I stood in front of an "official" and we got married. It wasn't until the hearing started that I felt it all over again. Lori and I were standing in front of the judge holding hands. It was almost like watching a movie of it, just like our wedding. The lawyer said his speal and the judge said some important stuff. I was more interested in watching Dalton and Bailey. Dalton was loving being "on stage" and relished everybody paying attention to him. Bailey really started to understand what this was and how important it was. She's pretended to cry "tears of joy" whenever she saw Lori or I do it....but today she really had her own tears of joy. She got it. It wasn't just an act. The judge asked if anyone wanted to say anything. Our pastor said that he was just their pastor but they were so honored to be a part of all of it. My mother in law took her turn at how proud she was to be a grandmother. As the judge was about to wrap it up, Dalton told him he wanted to make a speech.
It was a moment everybody in the courtroom will remember forever. I can't say that it shocked me because I know my boy. He doesn't have a filter. He says what he wants to say no matter what. His speech was something like - "I am proud to be adopted. I love this family and I love my new mommy and daddy very much. And my sister. I love everyone. Who out there LOVES ME!!!"
He killed it. Not a dry eye in the room. The judge, the court reporter, the other families waiting to be adopted. Everybody. On the way out, one of the clerks was screaming my name, almost like she was mad because I didn't sign something. I went back and she said, "I'm sorry that son of yours is so shy. You'll have to work on that!" The judge wrapped up the formal process and told the kids that it wasn't official until the gavel was banged. They each got to bang it. Dalton was much more careful this time. Bailey got her moment that I promised her and she banged it as softly as she possibly could. She said all along that she didn't like the noise. The judge gave them little foam gavels to keep. I thought that was awesome.
When it was over, it was picture time out on the floor. The kids attacked a couple of their gift bags before we could blink. We went over and signed the paperwork. In reality, the signing of the papers was the "real" adoption. A moment not lost on Lori and I. Lori and I got to steal what we though was a private moment in the corner and had a big hug and kiss. I thought it was private until I heard a camera rattle off about 50 pictures in four seconds. It was the reporter for the Killeen Herald Newspaper. We'll see where that ends up.
Eventually everybody was led out of the courtroom and we went "backstage." There was a professional photographer who rattled off a couple of pictures. There was a big cake and punch in another room. We let the kids have some. It was really set up for the "big" families. None of ours followed us backstage. So, we used it as a five minute re-grouping time.
Back out to the lobby and it was hugs and more gifts for everyone. We found the reporter and she took us to the side and asked us a bunch of questions. The kids were excited to be interviewed but were really bored by the whole thing. If I understood the reporter correctly, we're going to be in a couple of newspapers tomorrow. And then on Sunday, I expect that we will be a "feature story". The capper is that she expects that we will be front and center on the Sunday newspaper. Front page. Unless there is a war that breaks out or something. I hope I didn't say anything stupid in the interview. I'm sure I did at some point. I'm still excited for our family though. I'll by 100 papers.
We finally got out of there and we took everybody that wanted to go to the Olive Garden for lunch. It turned out that it was just the family and Nicole. Perfect. Everybody else had prior obligations. It was a wonderful lunch.
I wasn't disappointed by anyone today. My brother showed up and was as emotional as I was. Dalton had a good excuse to throw a fit a hundred times today and held it together pretty well. Bailey was like a little adult today with the way she dealt with things. My in-laws were amazing as always. All the case-workers and assigned people to our case were genuinely happy for us. Preston went out of his way to make sure the was there for the kids. My father thanked me after lunch. I thought he was thanking me for lunch. No. He was thanking me for his grandkids. My father-in-law basically thanked me for the same thing a couple of hours later.
So.....that's the journey. We made it. That chapter is now closed. That's the end of that book. Today is the first page of a new book. It ought to be fun.
It's a Boy! And a Girl! Today I became a father. A real father. A "touch-my-kid-and-I'll-@#%$-kill-you" father. Today Lori and I adopted the kids. Dalton Thomas Peters and Bailey Faith Peters were born at 10:30 am at the Bell County Justice Complex. I didn't think it was going to be that emotional, but boy was I wrong. The kids have been so nervous about "going to court" that we have played it down into no big deal. Court is a bad thing for the kids, no matter how much adults smile and tell them everything is going to be alright. They just know when adults have said that to them in the past, it wasn't alright. It wasn't alright at all.
So, I've been making Dalton say it back to me - What's going to change? "My name." What else? "Nothing." We're already a family. Adoption means a paperwork change but nothing else changes around here. Relax. Don't worry. The hard part is over. This is just a formality that we have to go through to make sure nobody at the state can ever change their mind. Ok dad. Can we watch Spongebob now? Cool.
I was wrong.
It was wonderful and scary and amazing and happy and touching all in one. So much happened in such a short amount of time that I don't know if I even saw it all, much less remember it all.
Our time was from 10:20 to 10:40. I think there were 20 adoptions on the books today, starting at 9 am. My mom and dad got their early and got to see the opening ceremonies. The court was decorated in a Wizard of Oz theme and the slogan was "There's No Place Like Home."
We arrived at 9:45 with Lori's parents. We spent the morning doing a lot of the mundane stuff - laundry, making calls for work, etc. I don't think it even registered that anyone was going to be there for me. It was a formality. That's what I've been telling myself for weeks. Then we walked in the building.
There were TV camera and reporters and case workers and lawyers - most of them I knew from our two years of doing all of this. Our adoption worker was there. Our foster case worker was there. The CASA worker was there, of course (she's been their biggest ally in all of this from the beginning). Her supervisor showed up. Our adoption lawyer, who I got to meet for the first time. Uncle Brent was already there. My mom and dad were already in their seats in the courtroom. Pastor Davis and his wife made it and the kids were THRILLED. The kids old case-worker (who is now 'retired") made it with his supervisor. Many of these people have seen this case through to the end.
I held it together pretty well. There was a lot going on and my job of "parent" had to be turned up. My kids were interrupting and touching everything and asking for stuff. I had to make sure they weren't knocking over the High Definition NBC camera. Then, when Preston walked in, I lost it. I wasn't sure he was coming. He had left the agency some time ago and we hadn't really had contact in six months. If he wouldn't have shown up, I think I would have been a little hurt for the kids. They hadn't asked about him in some time, but they would have known. I would have known. He was the reason we have the kids, in my opinion. He didn't follow protocol and he just saw our file and PICKED us. If it wasn't for him, we would have gone through a longer process and the kids probably would have gone to parents with other kids because of their "experience." Preston believed in us from the beginning and wanted us to have the kids almost from moment one. He trusted me with HIS kids. His presence today was the passing of the baton from their time in state care to my watch. I had about a five minute "get-it-together" session and then I was fine. Just in time for the big event.
We went in and the judges switched. I didn't really understand why at the time. I figured they just took turns. My kids had been going to court in what was their hometown at the time. It's about an hour away from our town. Turns out, the judge that presided over our case is the judge from their hometown. He's presided over all their hearings from day one. He made a point to cancel all of his adoptions for the morning so he could drive an hour out of his way to finish this case. Then, he drove back and did all of his work in the afternoon. I knew none of this until after we left the courthouse. I'm still humbled by the committment. Anyway.....back to the show.
We walked down the Yellow Brick Road to the courtroom. The kids immediately relaxed. It looked more like a playground than a courtroom. Bailey had been worried about the banging of the gavel for weeks. I had promised that I would ask if she could bang it when we got there. When it was our turn, the judge asked if they could come up and sit with him while they went through everything. Dalton immediately asked if he could bang the gavel. The judge, not knowing exactly what he was getting into, said "SURE!" Dalton got that look in his eye and I knew he was too far away from me to stop. With a loud "ORDER IN THE COURT!" Dalton slammed the gavel down on the granite countertop. That's my boy! Broke the gavel. The courtroom erupted in laughter. They were able to fix it quickly so he didn't get upset.
Five years ago today, Lori and I stood in front of an "official" and we got married. It wasn't until the hearing started that I felt it all over again. Lori and I were standing in front of the judge holding hands. It was almost like watching a movie of it, just like our wedding. The lawyer said his speal and the judge said some important stuff. I was more interested in watching Dalton and Bailey. Dalton was loving being "on stage" and relished everybody paying attention to him. Bailey really started to understand what this was and how important it was. She's pretended to cry "tears of joy" whenever she saw Lori or I do it....but today she really had her own tears of joy. She got it. It wasn't just an act. The judge asked if anyone wanted to say anything. Our pastor said that he was just their pastor but they were so honored to be a part of all of it. My mother in law took her turn at how proud she was to be a grandmother. As the judge was about to wrap it up, Dalton told him he wanted to make a speech.
It was a moment everybody in the courtroom will remember forever. I can't say that it shocked me because I know my boy. He doesn't have a filter. He says what he wants to say no matter what. His speech was something like - "I am proud to be adopted. I love this family and I love my new mommy and daddy very much. And my sister. I love everyone. Who out there LOVES ME!!!"
He killed it. Not a dry eye in the room. The judge, the court reporter, the other families waiting to be adopted. Everybody. On the way out, one of the clerks was screaming my name, almost like she was mad because I didn't sign something. I went back and she said, "I'm sorry that son of yours is so shy. You'll have to work on that!" The judge wrapped up the formal process and told the kids that it wasn't official until the gavel was banged. They each got to bang it. Dalton was much more careful this time. Bailey got her moment that I promised her and she banged it as softly as she possibly could. She said all along that she didn't like the noise. The judge gave them little foam gavels to keep. I thought that was awesome.
When it was over, it was picture time out on the floor. The kids attacked a couple of their gift bags before we could blink. We went over and signed the paperwork. In reality, the signing of the papers was the "real" adoption. A moment not lost on Lori and I. Lori and I got to steal what we though was a private moment in the corner and had a big hug and kiss. I thought it was private until I heard a camera rattle off about 50 pictures in four seconds. It was the reporter for the Killeen Herald Newspaper. We'll see where that ends up.
Eventually everybody was led out of the courtroom and we went "backstage." There was a professional photographer who rattled off a couple of pictures. There was a big cake and punch in another room. We let the kids have some. It was really set up for the "big" families. None of ours followed us backstage. So, we used it as a five minute re-grouping time.
Back out to the lobby and it was hugs and more gifts for everyone. We found the reporter and she took us to the side and asked us a bunch of questions. The kids were excited to be interviewed but were really bored by the whole thing. If I understood the reporter correctly, we're going to be in a couple of newspapers tomorrow. And then on Sunday, I expect that we will be a "feature story". The capper is that she expects that we will be front and center on the Sunday newspaper. Front page. Unless there is a war that breaks out or something. I hope I didn't say anything stupid in the interview. I'm sure I did at some point. I'm still excited for our family though. I'll by 100 papers.
We finally got out of there and we took everybody that wanted to go to the Olive Garden for lunch. It turned out that it was just the family and Nicole. Perfect. Everybody else had prior obligations. It was a wonderful lunch.
I wasn't disappointed by anyone today. My brother showed up and was as emotional as I was. Dalton had a good excuse to throw a fit a hundred times today and held it together pretty well. Bailey was like a little adult today with the way she dealt with things. My in-laws were amazing as always. All the case-workers and assigned people to our case were genuinely happy for us. Preston went out of his way to make sure the was there for the kids. My father thanked me after lunch. I thought he was thanking me for lunch. No. He was thanking me for his grandkids. My father-in-law basically thanked me for the same thing a couple of hours later.
So.....that's the journey. We made it. That chapter is now closed. That's the end of that book. Today is the first page of a new book. It ought to be fun.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Late night grumblings
I've been meaning to come here and type away for some time. Since I've got the kids, it seems like there is always something else more important to do than write to myself (and the 8 or 9 people that may or may not read this). I haven't updated since school started a month ago.
First grade for Bailey has been a pretty big success. Her reading has gotten a lot better and in just about every way, she is growing up way too fast. She's already far outshot her six years on earth. She's so thoughtful and brainy about complex emotional things. Lori loves when she's "on" and they can basically have an adult conversation. She makes up songs constantly and a lotof times, they are about things that a six year old shouldn't have to even worry about. But, not only is she worrying about it - she's dealing with it in a way that 95% of the planet would like to be able to. I hope she's able to hold on to that.
She's had a lot to deal with lately. Dalton is having a hard time of it these days. He went through a growth spurt and outgrew his medicine. We took him to the doctor and we decided to make a big change in his medication. We don't feel like he's getting a good night sleep. I crack the door open and he immediately sits up (or he's already up). Also, he's getting a lot of anxiety in the afternoon and getting in to trouble at the end of the day. So, more medication in the morning and we're ending what he got at night.
A week later and I feel like we've been through a war with a really strong munchkin. He's angry and he's not afraid to show it. We have to wait a certain amout of time to see how the new medication takes and let his body get out the old stuff (and it was pretty powerful stuff). In the meantime, Lori and I both feel like, at the moment, that it isn't working. We've alerted everybody at school. He has NO impulse control. That's been confirmed by his occupational therapist, teacher, music teacher, gym teacher, day care counselor, grandma, grandpa, and all of us here. If he has a thought in his head, he's going to blurt it out no matter what is going on around him. If he wants something, he's going to go get it no matter what's going on around him. For the first time, he's started tuning us out when we talk to him. Before, we would think he wasn't listening and he would repeat back the last 50 words perfectly. Now, he can't listen and look away at the same time. He talks constantly at school. He forgets his homework, library books. His grades are suffering because of it. He'd be getting all A's if he'd just bring his homework home from school.
The hard part is that he gets angry at the drop of a hat and in the wrong situation, he throws a grand fit. The other night I had every piece of clothing thrown at me. He loves to destroy his room and throw things. He knows he's not supposed to and he doesn't care. He gets everything taken away and he doesn't care. He used to care the next day......not so much anymore. It's hard to punish or reward when there is nothing monetary that he cares about. He wants to try so hard when he's in a good mood. But, when he's not, he could give a flip about trying. I want so bad for him to not have to worry and be angry. It seems that's all he is lately.
We've got a couple of doctors appointments set up to re-evaluate everything. Hopefully it all goes well. In the meantime, tomorrow I become the parent of a "Cheer/Tumble" girl. We've decided not to hold Bailey back because of our stuggles with Dalton. We signed up today for Powerhouse Cheer and fitness. She starts tomorrow and she's about as excited as a girl on Christmas morning. She's in a level 1 class. To graduate to level 2, she has to know how to do a cartwheel, roundoff, and back bend. She learned the cartwheel a couple of weeks ago and has gotten so good and them it's scary. She learned a round off on her own and is a day or so away from perfecting that. It seems like she learned the back bend in the last 2 hours since she knows she needs that to start doing backflips in the level 2 class. I'm very excited for her and I hope she enjoys it as much as she wants to. We signed up for a month. If it goes well, I'm sure I'll be giving this place $50 a month for the next 12 years.
Other than that, we're looking forward to the Ren Fest coming up in October. Halloween is just right around the corner. We haven't purchased our outfits yet, but I think we all know what theme we're going for. I've never cared about it before, but I'm looking forward to Daylight Savings Time ending more than I ever have. The earlier it gets darker, the easier it is for my kids to go to bed. :)
First grade for Bailey has been a pretty big success. Her reading has gotten a lot better and in just about every way, she is growing up way too fast. She's already far outshot her six years on earth. She's so thoughtful and brainy about complex emotional things. Lori loves when she's "on" and they can basically have an adult conversation. She makes up songs constantly and a lotof times, they are about things that a six year old shouldn't have to even worry about. But, not only is she worrying about it - she's dealing with it in a way that 95% of the planet would like to be able to. I hope she's able to hold on to that.
She's had a lot to deal with lately. Dalton is having a hard time of it these days. He went through a growth spurt and outgrew his medicine. We took him to the doctor and we decided to make a big change in his medication. We don't feel like he's getting a good night sleep. I crack the door open and he immediately sits up (or he's already up). Also, he's getting a lot of anxiety in the afternoon and getting in to trouble at the end of the day. So, more medication in the morning and we're ending what he got at night.
A week later and I feel like we've been through a war with a really strong munchkin. He's angry and he's not afraid to show it. We have to wait a certain amout of time to see how the new medication takes and let his body get out the old stuff (and it was pretty powerful stuff). In the meantime, Lori and I both feel like, at the moment, that it isn't working. We've alerted everybody at school. He has NO impulse control. That's been confirmed by his occupational therapist, teacher, music teacher, gym teacher, day care counselor, grandma, grandpa, and all of us here. If he has a thought in his head, he's going to blurt it out no matter what is going on around him. If he wants something, he's going to go get it no matter what's going on around him. For the first time, he's started tuning us out when we talk to him. Before, we would think he wasn't listening and he would repeat back the last 50 words perfectly. Now, he can't listen and look away at the same time. He talks constantly at school. He forgets his homework, library books. His grades are suffering because of it. He'd be getting all A's if he'd just bring his homework home from school.
The hard part is that he gets angry at the drop of a hat and in the wrong situation, he throws a grand fit. The other night I had every piece of clothing thrown at me. He loves to destroy his room and throw things. He knows he's not supposed to and he doesn't care. He gets everything taken away and he doesn't care. He used to care the next day......not so much anymore. It's hard to punish or reward when there is nothing monetary that he cares about. He wants to try so hard when he's in a good mood. But, when he's not, he could give a flip about trying. I want so bad for him to not have to worry and be angry. It seems that's all he is lately.
We've got a couple of doctors appointments set up to re-evaluate everything. Hopefully it all goes well. In the meantime, tomorrow I become the parent of a "Cheer/Tumble" girl. We've decided not to hold Bailey back because of our stuggles with Dalton. We signed up today for Powerhouse Cheer and fitness. She starts tomorrow and she's about as excited as a girl on Christmas morning. She's in a level 1 class. To graduate to level 2, she has to know how to do a cartwheel, roundoff, and back bend. She learned the cartwheel a couple of weeks ago and has gotten so good and them it's scary. She learned a round off on her own and is a day or so away from perfecting that. It seems like she learned the back bend in the last 2 hours since she knows she needs that to start doing backflips in the level 2 class. I'm very excited for her and I hope she enjoys it as much as she wants to. We signed up for a month. If it goes well, I'm sure I'll be giving this place $50 a month for the next 12 years.
Other than that, we're looking forward to the Ren Fest coming up in October. Halloween is just right around the corner. We haven't purchased our outfits yet, but I think we all know what theme we're going for. I've never cared about it before, but I'm looking forward to Daylight Savings Time ending more than I ever have. The earlier it gets darker, the easier it is for my kids to go to bed. :)
Monday, August 23, 2010
What a difference a year makes!
Today was Dalton and Bailey's first day of school for this year. We got them almost a year ago. We met them for the first time last week and we celebrated by running down to Galveston for a quick vacation. It was really too much for them, but they held up well. I forget that they are 6 and 7 and they can't go non-stop and do all the things my "college-boy" attitude dreams up. But, it was fun.
One thing I have discovered being a foster/adoptive parent that I think is different from a birth parent. I never got to see them grow from babies. They've always been these little people....but not babies. I can totally tell the difference in my niece, Mackenzie, because I've watched her grow from birth. She doesn't look the same today as she did when she was born.....or when she was two.....or even four.
With my kids, I don't get to see that. It's not a bad thing....I just missed that part. I see them every day and I don't really notice the changes on a daily basis. I'm sure every parent has those thoughts and feelings. But I don't have a reference point. I don't have a "remember when they were so small...." story.
Until today I think. I took pictures of them the first day of school last year (2 days after they came to live with us). I made them make the same poses. Tonight I compared the poses. It took my breath away.
Dalton is so long and lankey. He looks like he's gone from 4 years old to 10 years old. Bailey looks like a little adult. And honestly, that look has happened in the last few days I think. They both have come so far so fast.
By the way - today was hard. It wasn't sad or emotional because it was the first day of school. It was hard. Bailey had a great first day. We're concerned that her lack of....umm...."time management" is going to get her in some behavioral situations in 1st grade. So far, so good. She seems to be pretty proud to be a 1st grader.
Dalton, we're not so much concerned about his behavior. But, something clicked in his subconcious today and he did not react well tonight. Let's just say, he's got some consequences and restrictions for a day or so. It's been so long since he's thrown a fit, I learned how much bigger and stronger he's gotten over the last couple of months. But, tomorrow is a new day!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
39,423 Steps down. 4,351 to go.
The day we decided to do this, I started blogging about it. It was my therapy in the progress we were making. Trying to make it real before it was really real I guess. The day we got the kids, it was so real that this blog didn't just take a back seat - it was left on the curb.
But, today we finally met with an adoption worker. The rights of their birthparents were terminated quietly in a courtroom 60 miles away about four months ago. Nothing was said. No ceremony or phone call or official letter. Just a note from their CASA worker that it was done. So, we've been waiting for a long time. It's something we've learned that adoptive and foster parents need to know - how to wait. We've done a lot of it over the last year and a half. Not near as much as some. Our meeting with the adoption worker was a big milestone on my journey, so here I am - putting my thoughts down so I'll have them to refer back to years from now.
A lot has happened since my last post. It was back at the end of September and I had been a father all of three weeks. And months later I can't believe that my little girl was the one I was talking about in that post. She still has her moments. And, what she was going through back in September was very real and very scary. But, it's been so long since she's gone to THAT extreme, it seems like another little girl. She is an angel when she wants to be. It's usually because she wants something, but sometimes, she's just sweet for the sake of being sweet. She's still a master manipulator. Honestly, she's better at the game than her mom and I sometimes. She catches us on "technicalities" so well that some of the time, we have to let her win. She's a different girl today than that girl I wrote about back in September. When their worker comes to visit now, we actually share a laugh about how much things have changed since that night. The thing I think I'm most proud about is that Bailey is FUNNY. Genuinely, independently funny. Her comedic timing is spot on and she is as sarcastic as I need her to be. I know I'm creating a monster for when she becomes a teenager, but I want her to have a personality other than a stepford child. My parents, Lori's parents, and Lori have all noticed that she spews out the one liners as well or better than her old man. I just love her sense of humor.
Dalton has come a thousand miles from the day he got here in a lot of ways. He still has a hairpin trigger and can't control his anger. But, the rest of us have a better system for helping him deal with it. He doesn't really throw the same kind of fits as he used to. At least, now it comes from a different place. He'll throw something to show me he CAN throw it, knowing it's getting taken away....knowing exactly what the consequences are. Before, he threw it to hurt me, the toy, himself, people that don't matter anymore. Now, he's testing my limits....not his own. That I can handle. He still loves for me to be impressed with whatever it is that he does. He world still falls apart if I'm disappointed in something he did. I've learned to use both to keep his ego and self-esteem in balance. It's tough sometimes. I have to make sure I don't say I'm disappointed when I'm really not. He is super sensitive. He sees a series of therapist and doctors to deal with his motor skills, issues, medications, etc. He handles it like a trooper. He finally got the shoe-tying down. He buttons his shirt, takes a shower, gets dressed, cleans his room, does his chores with little or no assistance. He still needs the supervision, but not the assistance. He did none of that without assistance when we got him. He's a star wherever he goes - school, church, public.......people adore him and he knows how to make it happen. He hasn't quite learned the art of telling a joke like his little sister, but he desperately wants to and occasionally, he'll say something that will make me double over with tears. His little sister said, "Daddy - it hurts when I rub my foot here." Dalton's response (he wasn't trying to be funny), "Well then don't DO that!" He is very literal in his observations. He doesn't understand what a "figure of speech" is because it usually isn't literal. He desperately wants to be on a team. We're trying to find some place for him to land. Soccer and/or basketball this fall is probably where we'll go. He wants baseball, but I won't be comfortable with that until he builds some more motor skills. We're working on the catching and throwing. I haven't had the nerve to put a bat in his hand very often. It usually doesn't end well.
No blood in months. We go out to eat like a normal family (it's actually pleasurable to watch our kids act politely and compliment the waiters and waitresses). We go to water parks. We've had swimming lessons. We've been to a baseball game (and the fact that they watched even one inning was a major victory). We've been to Sea World. We have plans for so much more.
The kids still get sad about their birthmom sometimes. Neither of them can listen to a slow song without mentioning her. They hear a slow song, immediately call it a sad song, and that reminds them of their birthmom. Bailey has had some sadness at school and the local YMCA and they have handled it wonderfully.
It usually isn't until I bring up a photo of when we first got them, but we get amazed at how much they've both grown. We don't really recognize the successes and growth we've had as a family on a daily basis. But, if I look back 2 weeks, I see it. If I look back 2 months, I see more. If I look back to the beginning, it takes my breath away. How far we've come! How far we'll be going. I've gathered enough hope for both kids (especially in the progress that Dalton has made with his physical progress) to know that ALL things are possible for my kids. I won't have to make an excuse for why they can't do something in their future. They're both all A students. They are both social butterflies. They are both incredibly gorgeous and will have dates lined up around the block when I LET them date.
Which brings me back to why I'm writing. The Adoption Worker. We lost Cary, our original worker some time ago to a job change. I believe she's a worker in London now. We miss her terribly. We had a temporary worker and then got a new one. I don't care for the new one. I'm sure she's a nice lady, but I've met her once and some of her questions didn't fill me with a sense of "I'll take care of your problems." It was more of a "I'll come up for some problems that you'll have to solve" type attitude. But, we're far enough along in this show that I'm not concerned. And as of today, I have no reason to be. The kids caseworker, Preston, has kind of faded away. I believe he's still in the area, but he no longer works for CPS. He works for a youth ministry. The kids don't know it yet. He hasn't come to visit them in some time. They still talk about him like he visits every month like he used to, but it's been four or five since we've seen them. Nicole, their CASA worker is still right there with us. I hope she always is. You can tell she really cares for the kids and has been at all their important functions (birthdays, school functions). I'd adopt her if they'd let me. We've had three or four other workers stop by for one reason or another. Inspections, paperwork, just because. It's usually announced, but not a lot of time in advance. It's usually a minimal hassle, but we've learned not to change our schedule to fit the workers. We do what we do when we do it. If somebody wants to come watch, they are welcome.
Tonight a 6:30 we met with a new worker. The kids always get nervous because of their past with these visits. "C'mon - let's go to McDonalds so we can talk. Sure - you can have all the ice cream you want. It'll be great." And then they take them home to their NEW mommy and daddy. Dalton is usually petrified of new workers. He doesn't want to leave. She was very nice and it took three or four tries for her to convince him that she was like the good witch in the Wizard of Oz (he had just watched it today). When the good witch shows up, good things usually follow. She was going to make sure that they NEVER left us. She promised him. Good enough for him. Most of these people can't make promises.....they wouldn't be able to keep them.
She talked to us about the coming months and what to expect. The big thing everybody wants to know is WHEN do we get to finally adopt these kids. At first she gave us three or four options that weren't appealing. We were pleased to know that we could move the case from the county that the kids were from to our county. They don't like "their" courthouse. We have bad feelings when we see it. The last time they saw their birthmom was there. They look for her there like she's never left since that last meeting. Then, the worker told us that we could participate in National Adoption Day - November 19th.
November 19th? Seriously? That's our wedding anniversary. Lori and I have continually found "signs" that this was meant to be. Lori was laid off last July, we got the kids in September, and she went back to work this July - just enough time for her to make sure everything worked like clockwork for their first school year. Now this. Of course we jumped at the chance to participate. There will be about 20 families there to adopt. The courthouse will be decorated like the Wizard of Oz (did I mention that Dalton just watched that movie TODAY). They'll get special presents because of that day. It will be a gala event. There will be television cameras there and the whole nine yards. Lori isn't crazy about the cameras. Always worried about eyes seeing them that shouldn't. But - it'll be fine.
But, today we finally met with an adoption worker. The rights of their birthparents were terminated quietly in a courtroom 60 miles away about four months ago. Nothing was said. No ceremony or phone call or official letter. Just a note from their CASA worker that it was done. So, we've been waiting for a long time. It's something we've learned that adoptive and foster parents need to know - how to wait. We've done a lot of it over the last year and a half. Not near as much as some. Our meeting with the adoption worker was a big milestone on my journey, so here I am - putting my thoughts down so I'll have them to refer back to years from now.
A lot has happened since my last post. It was back at the end of September and I had been a father all of three weeks. And months later I can't believe that my little girl was the one I was talking about in that post. She still has her moments. And, what she was going through back in September was very real and very scary. But, it's been so long since she's gone to THAT extreme, it seems like another little girl. She is an angel when she wants to be. It's usually because she wants something, but sometimes, she's just sweet for the sake of being sweet. She's still a master manipulator. Honestly, she's better at the game than her mom and I sometimes. She catches us on "technicalities" so well that some of the time, we have to let her win. She's a different girl today than that girl I wrote about back in September. When their worker comes to visit now, we actually share a laugh about how much things have changed since that night. The thing I think I'm most proud about is that Bailey is FUNNY. Genuinely, independently funny. Her comedic timing is spot on and she is as sarcastic as I need her to be. I know I'm creating a monster for when she becomes a teenager, but I want her to have a personality other than a stepford child. My parents, Lori's parents, and Lori have all noticed that she spews out the one liners as well or better than her old man. I just love her sense of humor.
Dalton has come a thousand miles from the day he got here in a lot of ways. He still has a hairpin trigger and can't control his anger. But, the rest of us have a better system for helping him deal with it. He doesn't really throw the same kind of fits as he used to. At least, now it comes from a different place. He'll throw something to show me he CAN throw it, knowing it's getting taken away....knowing exactly what the consequences are. Before, he threw it to hurt me, the toy, himself, people that don't matter anymore. Now, he's testing my limits....not his own. That I can handle. He still loves for me to be impressed with whatever it is that he does. He world still falls apart if I'm disappointed in something he did. I've learned to use both to keep his ego and self-esteem in balance. It's tough sometimes. I have to make sure I don't say I'm disappointed when I'm really not. He is super sensitive. He sees a series of therapist and doctors to deal with his motor skills, issues, medications, etc. He handles it like a trooper. He finally got the shoe-tying down. He buttons his shirt, takes a shower, gets dressed, cleans his room, does his chores with little or no assistance. He still needs the supervision, but not the assistance. He did none of that without assistance when we got him. He's a star wherever he goes - school, church, public.......people adore him and he knows how to make it happen. He hasn't quite learned the art of telling a joke like his little sister, but he desperately wants to and occasionally, he'll say something that will make me double over with tears. His little sister said, "Daddy - it hurts when I rub my foot here." Dalton's response (he wasn't trying to be funny), "Well then don't DO that!" He is very literal in his observations. He doesn't understand what a "figure of speech" is because it usually isn't literal. He desperately wants to be on a team. We're trying to find some place for him to land. Soccer and/or basketball this fall is probably where we'll go. He wants baseball, but I won't be comfortable with that until he builds some more motor skills. We're working on the catching and throwing. I haven't had the nerve to put a bat in his hand very often. It usually doesn't end well.
No blood in months. We go out to eat like a normal family (it's actually pleasurable to watch our kids act politely and compliment the waiters and waitresses). We go to water parks. We've had swimming lessons. We've been to a baseball game (and the fact that they watched even one inning was a major victory). We've been to Sea World. We have plans for so much more.
The kids still get sad about their birthmom sometimes. Neither of them can listen to a slow song without mentioning her. They hear a slow song, immediately call it a sad song, and that reminds them of their birthmom. Bailey has had some sadness at school and the local YMCA and they have handled it wonderfully.
It usually isn't until I bring up a photo of when we first got them, but we get amazed at how much they've both grown. We don't really recognize the successes and growth we've had as a family on a daily basis. But, if I look back 2 weeks, I see it. If I look back 2 months, I see more. If I look back to the beginning, it takes my breath away. How far we've come! How far we'll be going. I've gathered enough hope for both kids (especially in the progress that Dalton has made with his physical progress) to know that ALL things are possible for my kids. I won't have to make an excuse for why they can't do something in their future. They're both all A students. They are both social butterflies. They are both incredibly gorgeous and will have dates lined up around the block when I LET them date.
Which brings me back to why I'm writing. The Adoption Worker. We lost Cary, our original worker some time ago to a job change. I believe she's a worker in London now. We miss her terribly. We had a temporary worker and then got a new one. I don't care for the new one. I'm sure she's a nice lady, but I've met her once and some of her questions didn't fill me with a sense of "I'll take care of your problems." It was more of a "I'll come up for some problems that you'll have to solve" type attitude. But, we're far enough along in this show that I'm not concerned. And as of today, I have no reason to be. The kids caseworker, Preston, has kind of faded away. I believe he's still in the area, but he no longer works for CPS. He works for a youth ministry. The kids don't know it yet. He hasn't come to visit them in some time. They still talk about him like he visits every month like he used to, but it's been four or five since we've seen them. Nicole, their CASA worker is still right there with us. I hope she always is. You can tell she really cares for the kids and has been at all their important functions (birthdays, school functions). I'd adopt her if they'd let me. We've had three or four other workers stop by for one reason or another. Inspections, paperwork, just because. It's usually announced, but not a lot of time in advance. It's usually a minimal hassle, but we've learned not to change our schedule to fit the workers. We do what we do when we do it. If somebody wants to come watch, they are welcome.
Tonight a 6:30 we met with a new worker. The kids always get nervous because of their past with these visits. "C'mon - let's go to McDonalds so we can talk. Sure - you can have all the ice cream you want. It'll be great." And then they take them home to their NEW mommy and daddy. Dalton is usually petrified of new workers. He doesn't want to leave. She was very nice and it took three or four tries for her to convince him that she was like the good witch in the Wizard of Oz (he had just watched it today). When the good witch shows up, good things usually follow. She was going to make sure that they NEVER left us. She promised him. Good enough for him. Most of these people can't make promises.....they wouldn't be able to keep them.
She talked to us about the coming months and what to expect. The big thing everybody wants to know is WHEN do we get to finally adopt these kids. At first she gave us three or four options that weren't appealing. We were pleased to know that we could move the case from the county that the kids were from to our county. They don't like "their" courthouse. We have bad feelings when we see it. The last time they saw their birthmom was there. They look for her there like she's never left since that last meeting. Then, the worker told us that we could participate in National Adoption Day - November 19th.
November 19th? Seriously? That's our wedding anniversary. Lori and I have continually found "signs" that this was meant to be. Lori was laid off last July, we got the kids in September, and she went back to work this July - just enough time for her to make sure everything worked like clockwork for their first school year. Now this. Of course we jumped at the chance to participate. There will be about 20 families there to adopt. The courthouse will be decorated like the Wizard of Oz (did I mention that Dalton just watched that movie TODAY). They'll get special presents because of that day. It will be a gala event. There will be television cameras there and the whole nine yards. Lori isn't crazy about the cameras. Always worried about eyes seeing them that shouldn't. But - it'll be fine.
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