November 19, 2010
It's a Boy! And a Girl! Today I became a father. A real father. A "touch-my-kid-and-I'll-@#%$-kill-you" father. Today Lori and I adopted the kids. Dalton Thomas Peters and Bailey Faith Peters were born at 10:30 am at the Bell County Justice Complex. I didn't think it was going to be that emotional, but boy was I wrong. The kids have been so nervous about "going to court" that we have played it down into no big deal. Court is a bad thing for the kids, no matter how much adults smile and tell them everything is going to be alright. They just know when adults have said that to them in the past, it wasn't alright. It wasn't alright at all.
So, I've been making Dalton say it back to me - What's going to change? "My name." What else? "Nothing." We're already a family. Adoption means a paperwork change but nothing else changes around here. Relax. Don't worry. The hard part is over. This is just a formality that we have to go through to make sure nobody at the state can ever change their mind. Ok dad. Can we watch Spongebob now? Cool.
I was wrong.
It was wonderful and scary and amazing and happy and touching all in one. So much happened in such a short amount of time that I don't know if I even saw it all, much less remember it all.
Our time was from 10:20 to 10:40. I think there were 20 adoptions on the books today, starting at 9 am. My mom and dad got their early and got to see the opening ceremonies. The court was decorated in a Wizard of Oz theme and the slogan was "There's No Place Like Home."
We arrived at 9:45 with Lori's parents. We spent the morning doing a lot of the mundane stuff - laundry, making calls for work, etc. I don't think it even registered that anyone was going to be there for me. It was a formality. That's what I've been telling myself for weeks. Then we walked in the building.
There were TV camera and reporters and case workers and lawyers - most of them I knew from our two years of doing all of this. Our adoption worker was there. Our foster case worker was there. The CASA worker was there, of course (she's been their biggest ally in all of this from the beginning). Her supervisor showed up. Our adoption lawyer, who I got to meet for the first time. Uncle Brent was already there. My mom and dad were already in their seats in the courtroom. Pastor Davis and his wife made it and the kids were THRILLED. The kids old case-worker (who is now 'retired") made it with his supervisor. Many of these people have seen this case through to the end.
I held it together pretty well. There was a lot going on and my job of "parent" had to be turned up. My kids were interrupting and touching everything and asking for stuff. I had to make sure they weren't knocking over the High Definition NBC camera. Then, when Preston walked in, I lost it. I wasn't sure he was coming. He had left the agency some time ago and we hadn't really had contact in six months. If he wouldn't have shown up, I think I would have been a little hurt for the kids. They hadn't asked about him in some time, but they would have known. I would have known. He was the reason we have the kids, in my opinion. He didn't follow protocol and he just saw our file and PICKED us. If it wasn't for him, we would have gone through a longer process and the kids probably would have gone to parents with other kids because of their "experience." Preston believed in us from the beginning and wanted us to have the kids almost from moment one. He trusted me with HIS kids. His presence today was the passing of the baton from their time in state care to my watch. I had about a five minute "get-it-together" session and then I was fine. Just in time for the big event.
We went in and the judges switched. I didn't really understand why at the time. I figured they just took turns. My kids had been going to court in what was their hometown at the time. It's about an hour away from our town. Turns out, the judge that presided over our case is the judge from their hometown. He's presided over all their hearings from day one. He made a point to cancel all of his adoptions for the morning so he could drive an hour out of his way to finish this case. Then, he drove back and did all of his work in the afternoon. I knew none of this until after we left the courthouse. I'm still humbled by the committment. Anyway.....back to the show.
We walked down the Yellow Brick Road to the courtroom. The kids immediately relaxed. It looked more like a playground than a courtroom. Bailey had been worried about the banging of the gavel for weeks. I had promised that I would ask if she could bang it when we got there. When it was our turn, the judge asked if they could come up and sit with him while they went through everything. Dalton immediately asked if he could bang the gavel. The judge, not knowing exactly what he was getting into, said "SURE!" Dalton got that look in his eye and I knew he was too far away from me to stop. With a loud "ORDER IN THE COURT!" Dalton slammed the gavel down on the granite countertop. That's my boy! Broke the gavel. The courtroom erupted in laughter. They were able to fix it quickly so he didn't get upset.
Five years ago today, Lori and I stood in front of an "official" and we got married. It wasn't until the hearing started that I felt it all over again. Lori and I were standing in front of the judge holding hands. It was almost like watching a movie of it, just like our wedding. The lawyer said his speal and the judge said some important stuff. I was more interested in watching Dalton and Bailey. Dalton was loving being "on stage" and relished everybody paying attention to him. Bailey really started to understand what this was and how important it was. She's pretended to cry "tears of joy" whenever she saw Lori or I do it....but today she really had her own tears of joy. She got it. It wasn't just an act. The judge asked if anyone wanted to say anything. Our pastor said that he was just their pastor but they were so honored to be a part of all of it. My mother in law took her turn at how proud she was to be a grandmother. As the judge was about to wrap it up, Dalton told him he wanted to make a speech.
It was a moment everybody in the courtroom will remember forever. I can't say that it shocked me because I know my boy. He doesn't have a filter. He says what he wants to say no matter what. His speech was something like - "I am proud to be adopted. I love this family and I love my new mommy and daddy very much. And my sister. I love everyone. Who out there LOVES ME!!!"
He killed it. Not a dry eye in the room. The judge, the court reporter, the other families waiting to be adopted. Everybody. On the way out, one of the clerks was screaming my name, almost like she was mad because I didn't sign something. I went back and she said, "I'm sorry that son of yours is so shy. You'll have to work on that!" The judge wrapped up the formal process and told the kids that it wasn't official until the gavel was banged. They each got to bang it. Dalton was much more careful this time. Bailey got her moment that I promised her and she banged it as softly as she possibly could. She said all along that she didn't like the noise. The judge gave them little foam gavels to keep. I thought that was awesome.
When it was over, it was picture time out on the floor. The kids attacked a couple of their gift bags before we could blink. We went over and signed the paperwork. In reality, the signing of the papers was the "real" adoption. A moment not lost on Lori and I. Lori and I got to steal what we though was a private moment in the corner and had a big hug and kiss. I thought it was private until I heard a camera rattle off about 50 pictures in four seconds. It was the reporter for the Killeen Herald Newspaper. We'll see where that ends up.
Eventually everybody was led out of the courtroom and we went "backstage." There was a professional photographer who rattled off a couple of pictures. There was a big cake and punch in another room. We let the kids have some. It was really set up for the "big" families. None of ours followed us backstage. So, we used it as a five minute re-grouping time.
Back out to the lobby and it was hugs and more gifts for everyone. We found the reporter and she took us to the side and asked us a bunch of questions. The kids were excited to be interviewed but were really bored by the whole thing. If I understood the reporter correctly, we're going to be in a couple of newspapers tomorrow. And then on Sunday, I expect that we will be a "feature story". The capper is that she expects that we will be front and center on the Sunday newspaper. Front page. Unless there is a war that breaks out or something. I hope I didn't say anything stupid in the interview. I'm sure I did at some point. I'm still excited for our family though. I'll by 100 papers.
We finally got out of there and we took everybody that wanted to go to the Olive Garden for lunch. It turned out that it was just the family and Nicole. Perfect. Everybody else had prior obligations. It was a wonderful lunch.
I wasn't disappointed by anyone today. My brother showed up and was as emotional as I was. Dalton had a good excuse to throw a fit a hundred times today and held it together pretty well. Bailey was like a little adult today with the way she dealt with things. My in-laws were amazing as always. All the case-workers and assigned people to our case were genuinely happy for us. Preston went out of his way to make sure the was there for the kids. My father thanked me after lunch. I thought he was thanking me for lunch. No. He was thanking me for his grandkids. My father-in-law basically thanked me for the same thing a couple of hours later.
So.....that's the journey. We made it. That chapter is now closed. That's the end of that book. Today is the first page of a new book. It ought to be fun.
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