39,423 Steps down. 4,351 to go.

The day we decided to do this, I started blogging about it.  It was my therapy in the progress we were making.  Trying to make it real before it was really real I guess.  The day we got the kids, it was so real that this blog didn't just take a back seat - it was left on the curb.

But, today we finally met with an adoption worker.  The rights of their birthparents were terminated quietly in a courtroom 60 miles away about four months ago.  Nothing was said.  No ceremony or phone call or official letter.  Just a note from their CASA worker that it was done.  So, we've been waiting for a long time.  It's something we've learned that adoptive and foster parents need to know - how to wait.  We've done a lot of it over the last year and a half.  Not near as much as some.  Our meeting with the adoption worker was a big milestone on my journey, so here I am - putting my thoughts down so I'll have them to refer back to years from now.

A lot has happened since my last post.  It was back at the end of September and I had been a father all of three weeks.  And months later I can't believe that my little girl was the one I was talking about in that post.  She still has her moments.  And, what she was going through back in September was very real and very scary.  But, it's been so long since she's gone to THAT extreme, it seems like another little girl.  She is an angel when she wants to be.  It's usually because she wants something, but sometimes, she's just sweet for the sake of being sweet.  She's still a master manipulator.  Honestly, she's better at the game than her mom and I sometimes.  She catches us on "technicalities" so well that some of the time, we have to let her win.   She's a different girl today than that girl I wrote about back in September.  When their worker comes to visit now, we actually share a laugh about how much things have changed since that night.  The thing I think I'm most proud about is that Bailey is FUNNY.  Genuinely, independently funny.  Her comedic timing is spot on and she is as sarcastic as I need her to be.  I know I'm creating a monster for when she becomes a teenager, but I want her to have a personality other than a stepford child.  My parents, Lori's parents, and Lori have all noticed that she spews out the one liners as well or better than her old man.  I just love her sense of humor.

Dalton has come a thousand miles from the day he got here in a lot of ways.  He still has a hairpin trigger and can't control his anger.  But, the rest of us have a better system for helping him deal with it.  He doesn't really throw the same kind of fits as he used to.  At least, now it comes from a different place.  He'll throw something to show me he CAN throw it, knowing it's getting taken away....knowing exactly what the consequences are.  Before, he threw it to hurt me, the toy, himself, people that don't matter anymore.  Now, he's testing my limits....not his own.  That I can handle.  He still loves for me to be impressed with whatever it is that he does.  He world still falls apart if I'm disappointed in something he did.  I've learned to use both to keep his ego and self-esteem in balance.  It's tough sometimes.  I have to make sure I don't say I'm disappointed when I'm really not.  He is super sensitive.  He sees a series of therapist and doctors to deal with his motor skills, issues, medications, etc.  He handles it like a trooper.  He finally got the shoe-tying down.  He buttons his shirt, takes a shower, gets dressed, cleans his room, does his chores with little or no assistance.  He still needs the supervision, but not the assistance.  He did none of that without assistance when we got him.  He's a star wherever he goes - school, church, public.......people adore him and he knows how to make it happen.  He hasn't quite learned the art of telling a joke like his little sister, but he desperately wants to and occasionally, he'll say something that will make me double over with tears.  His little sister said, "Daddy - it hurts when I rub my foot here."  Dalton's response (he wasn't trying to be funny), "Well then don't DO that!"  He is very literal in his observations.  He doesn't understand what a "figure of speech" is because it usually isn't literal.  He desperately wants to be on a team.  We're trying to find some place for him to land.  Soccer and/or basketball this fall is probably where we'll go.  He wants baseball, but I won't be comfortable with that until he builds some more motor skills.  We're working on the catching and throwing.  I haven't had the nerve to put a bat in his hand very often.  It usually doesn't end well.

No blood in months.  We go out to eat like a normal family (it's actually pleasurable to watch our kids act politely and compliment the waiters and waitresses).  We go to water parks.  We've had swimming lessons.  We've been to a baseball game (and the fact that they watched even one inning was a major victory).  We've been to Sea World.  We have plans for so much more.

The kids still get sad about their birthmom sometimes.  Neither of them can listen to a slow song without mentioning her.  They hear a slow song, immediately call it a sad song, and that reminds them of their birthmom.  Bailey has had some sadness at school and the local YMCA and they have handled it wonderfully. 

It usually isn't until I bring up a photo of when we first got them, but we get amazed at how much they've both grown.  We don't really recognize the successes and growth we've had as a family on a daily basis.  But, if I look back 2 weeks, I see it.  If I look back 2 months, I see more.  If I look back to the beginning, it takes my breath away.  How far we've come!  How far we'll be going.  I've gathered enough hope for both kids (especially in the progress that Dalton has made with his physical progress) to know that ALL things are possible for my kids.  I won't have to make an excuse for why they can't do something in their future.  They're both all A students.  They are both social butterflies.  They are both incredibly gorgeous and will have dates lined up around the block when I LET them date.

Which brings me back to why I'm writing.  The Adoption Worker.  We lost Cary, our original worker some time ago to a job change.   I believe she's a worker in London now.  We miss her terribly.  We had a temporary worker and then got a new one.  I don't care for the new one.  I'm sure she's a nice lady, but I've met her once and some of her questions didn't fill me with a sense of "I'll take care of your problems."  It was more of a "I'll come up for some problems that you'll have to solve" type attitude.  But, we're far enough along in this show that I'm not concerned.  And as of today, I have no reason to be.  The kids caseworker, Preston, has kind of faded away.  I believe he's still in the area, but he no longer works for CPS.  He works for a youth ministry.   The kids don't know it yet.  He hasn't come to visit them in some time.  They still talk about him like he visits every month like he used to, but it's been four or five since we've seen them.  Nicole, their CASA worker is still right there with us.  I hope she always is.  You can tell she really cares for the kids and has been at all their important functions (birthdays, school functions).  I'd adopt her if they'd let me.  We've had three or four other workers stop by for one reason or another.  Inspections, paperwork, just because.  It's usually announced, but not a lot of time in advance.  It's usually a minimal hassle, but we've learned not to change our schedule to fit the workers.  We do what we do when we do it.  If somebody wants to come watch, they are welcome.

Tonight a 6:30 we met with a new worker.  The kids always get nervous because of their past with these visits.  "C'mon - let's go to McDonalds so we can talk.  Sure - you can have all the ice cream you want.  It'll be great."  And then they take them home to their NEW mommy and daddy.  Dalton is usually petrified of new workers.  He doesn't want to leave.  She was very nice and it took three or four tries for her to convince him that she was like the good witch in the Wizard of Oz (he had just watched it today).  When the good witch shows up, good things usually follow.  She was going to make sure that they NEVER left us.  She promised him.  Good enough for him.  Most of these people can't make promises.....they wouldn't be able to keep them.

She talked to us about the coming months and what to expect.  The big thing everybody wants to know is WHEN do we get to finally adopt these kids.  At first she gave us three or four options that weren't appealing.  We were pleased to know that we could move the case from the county that the kids were from to our county.  They don't like "their" courthouse.  We have bad feelings when we see it.  The last time they saw their birthmom was there.  They look for her there like she's never left since that last meeting.  Then, the worker told us that we could participate in National Adoption Day - November 19th.

November 19th?  Seriously?  That's our wedding anniversary.  Lori and I have continually found "signs" that this was meant to be.  Lori was laid off last July, we got the kids in September, and she went back to work this July - just enough time for her to make sure everything worked like clockwork for their first school year.  Now this.  Of course we jumped at the chance to participate.  There will be about 20 families there to adopt.  The courthouse will be decorated like the Wizard of Oz (did I mention that Dalton just watched that movie TODAY). They'll get special presents because of that day.  It will be a gala event.  There will be television cameras there and the whole nine yards.  Lori isn't crazy about the cameras.  Always worried about eyes seeing them that shouldn't.  But - it'll be fine.