Eve of Everything

Here we are.

A wave of emotions has caught up with Lori and I over the last few days. We're finally at the door that we've been trying to knock on for a long while now. Tomorrow, they'll answer the door, put two perfect children in our car and give them to us. And that'll be it. Parents. It's an awesome thing to type, much less live through. Tomorrow our lives will change in amazing and wonderful ways. We've done everything we can do to think we are prepared. We know we aren't remotely prepared, but we've done what we can do. We've asked all the questions we know to ask. We know that there are a zillion that we don't know to as, but we've done what we can do. It's not nervousness - it's not fear - it's not all excitement. I think it's a mish-mash of a thousand emotions.

Fear - Are we REALLY ready for this? I think we are. But are we REALLY? I don't know. Is any parent?

Worry - What if the kids don't like it here? What if something happens to them at school or here? Will are dog accept them? Will we be able to handle them if they have a meltdown? Will I be able to if Lori has a meltdown? (LOL)

Sadness - I'm sad that the kids have to do this again. This isn't their first rodeo. It's going to be the biggest day in our lives...but probably not the kids. It's a shame. There are some rotten adults in this world. These kids deserve everything we can give them and more.

Happiness - Of course I'm over-the-moon with happiness. For the last 20 years, I've heard the same thing - "You're going to make a great father." For awhile, I didn't take it as a compliment. I have had a yearning to be a father my whole life. To make it this far without kids has been difficult. To hear others say that gets old. So, yeah. It's a big deal for me personally. It's big for Lori, too. But, this is a day she wants for me, too. She understands. My parents and her parents understand.

Hope - I hope these kids succeed. I hope they're happy here.....as happy as they can possibly be. I hope Dalton accepts all of us and accepts us as his forever parents. I hope my nephew TJ becomes the influence I think he can become for Dalton. I hope Bailey does the same. I hope she learns and grows and flourishes here. I hope she and Mackenzie get along. And I hope my niece Alysia becomes the role model I think she is. I hope these kids know that we think they're lucky to have this many people around them that love them and can't wait to meet them. It's a big world and I hope we all face it together with grace.

but most of all.....

Pride. I'm SO proud to be here tonight. I hope that feeling never leaves. I'm proud of Lori and I for doing this. We could have gone a different direction. We could have turned down two kids because of our own selfish reasons. I'm proud of how Lori has handled everything and how excited she is. It touches my heart more than she knows. When we started this, I asked her the tough questions as to why. The most important one being - Is she doing it for me or us? She's assured me it's for us and she's ready. And honestly, it took me some time to be convinced. But I am. I'm so proud. I'm proud of my in-laws. They have a tendency to look at the work things like this take to get accomplished. But, to their credit, they have been nothing but sweet, helpful, and supportive. I don't know if we'd be here without them. I am proud of my extended family. Especially my father. He's asked all the right questions and never pushed me for an answer. He's always been known as the "stoic" one of the family. But, I've seen his emotions when he found out about the kids. It's been a wonderful gift for me to watch. My mother has been great too, and I've asked a lot of her the last few weeks. My brother and sister-in-law seem to be very excited. I hope this helps us bond more. Another great moment was when my nephew TJ found out the kids were coming this weekend. He gave me a look I'd never seen. Again - it touched my heart. I'm proud of the kid's caseworkers for getting them through this rough time. They have sacrificed so much for them to come to us. It hasn't all been positive for them, but I'm proud that we're the end result for their efforts. They've all said they would adopt them if they could. And WE get to. And I'm proud of Dalton and Bailey. Nobody deserves to start their childhood the way they have. To go through it and be as smart and well-adjusted as they are....I'm SO proud. I'm proud of everybody for not failing these kids.

I am sure I'm feeling what expectant fathers feel the night before their son or daughter is born. But, they are full of wonder. What will the kids grow up to be.....I've already gotten a head start. I've been able to meet my kids. They already have opinions, quirks, habits, likes and dislikes. It's very emotional.

We're ready. Time for the world to start.