I sent Preston an e-mail last night about our weekend. I also requested an update on the status of them staying permanently.
I got my answer.
If we choose, when the kids come for an overnight over the labor day weekend, they can just stay. Wow. In less than two weeks, our long journey to be parents will begin (like it hasn't already). It's a little overwhelming. So much to do - so little time.
Lori and I talked about it tonight in our nightly walk and the talk took some turns that I still don't like. We're having trouble on what's best for the kids. Lori thinks I want to parade them around as little trophies in front of every living soul. I think she wants to lock them in their rooms and keep them a secret from the world. Both are exaggerations, but that's the basics. Both of us think the other's idea is super tramatic for the kids. I just want them to be normal kids. When we walk down the street, I want the "Who do you have there with you?" questions to be over as soon as possible. I just want to be identified as a family. Lori doesn't want anybody in our business. It's nobody's business who the kids are or how we got them.
I don't know. I know the kids will answer these questions for us when they get here. Most of our worry will disappear once they are here. We both agree that we just want these kids to be as happy as possible and we don't want to fail them. Who knew that when we started this, breaking the news to our families would be the most difficult part? It really has been. My parents and her parents are upset that they can't talk about things. They want to brag on their grandchildren like they were just born. I know we're protecting the kids. I know we're protecting us. But we're also protecting them. I don't want them to say something that would hurt the kids. I don't want them to be hurt if something happens and we don't get them.
But....to say we aren't over-the-moon excited about the news we got tonight would be silly. Of course we are. It means the kids can be enrolled in school the Tuesday after Labor Day. Lori is home so she'll have time to set things up. I'll take a day or two off to help I'm sure. But wow. It's really here. This is really going to happen. There's always a chance the court could swoop in and change things, but right now, even the pessimist in me doesn't see that happening. We read the case.
So much to do. So little time.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Dalton and Bailey - Day 2
We drove out to Elgin and picked up Dalton and Bailey yesterday. We weren't nervous like the last time. The closer we got, the more excited we got. We had big plans in our head and hoped that everything went well. We had chatted with the foster mom the night before and she gave me ten years of information in thirty minutes. We called Nicole and she offered to meet us in Austin.
One thing about Dalton - he's obsessed. When he found out we were coming on Saturday, he was dressed and ready to go by 7:00 am (we got there at 9:00). He asked his foster mom a hundred times if we were coming. When we pulled up into the driveway, he ran to the back porch, waved quickly and then ran back inside to get his sister. She wasn't quite ready, so he asked me a hundred times if he could go get in the car. He's worried about whatever the "next big thing" is. Once we were in the car, he wanted to know where we were going. Once he knew that, he worried aobut when we would get there. It was very manageable. It's just who he is today.
Bailey: She wasn't quite ready when we got there. The most impressive thing I saw all day was how this foster family worked together to get things done. Two brothers helped get her things together. One sister started combing her hair while the other looked for barets. Bailey stood still the whole time and let them dote on her. One of the sisters was about 10 and if I could have taken her right then and there, I would have. All of them actually.
This foster-home was amazing. The foster dad was pretty laid back and proud of his spread out there. Five acres with a pool and tons of play equipment. I huge six bedroom house with two gigantic living areas, enough books in the bookcase to be considered a library, one of those kitchen tables that seats 20. The foster mom is the epi-center. She is a ball of energy and her brain goes ten different ways the entire time she is talking. She's fostered over 200 kinds, adopted 15, and I think she has 3 of her own. Forget war heroes - give this lady (and man) a medal!
We picked up Dalton and Bailey and headed about 20 miles in to Austin to the Austin Children's Museum. They had just been to the circus the day before and we didn't want to "compete" with that. We just wanted to take them to a place that was safe for both them and us. If they broke something there, I'm sure the people at the museum wouldn't freak out. We knew we could handle it. We just wanted to make it as easy on us as we could. Nicole, their CASA worker, drove up from Ft. Hood and met us there. I was pretty happy about that. It did change the "tone" of the day. Instead of a intense day of on-the-job-parenting, it became another "job-interview" type thing, knowing that she was watching and documenting. But, in reality, it didn't really turn out like that at all. Nicole trust us already I think. I really think she wanted to make sure we knew what we're getting into and help give us some pointers on how to control the kids.
When we first got to the museum, the kids went nuts. No problem - there weren't many people there and it was fine. I wanted to corral Bailey and have Lori spend some time with Dalton, but the truth is, Dalton is fast and all boy. He was climbing stairs and it was just easier for me to keep up with him. Bailey spent a long time at the "store" serving food and taking orders. Dalton didn't stay on anything more than a few minutes before he was off to the next big thing.
It was an hour or so before Nicole got there. I hadn't told the kids, so I told Dalton that we needed to go to the front to meet a guest that was coming to see us. Of course, he obsessed on who it could be. I wasn't thinking and asked "Who do you want it to be?" Dalton responded, "My birth-mom." It was touching, it was sweet, but mostly it made me sad that I walked in to that moment. I quickly said "Who ELSE could it be?" I answered the question for him before he had a chance to answer something else I wasn't prepared for. He and Bailey were VERY excited to see Nicole. She's as close of a thing to a consistent positive female role model that they've ever had. They've had lots of positive male and females come in and out of their lives, but never for very long. Nicole has helped since day one. We were appreciatve she was there for that fact alone.
We went upstairs to a place called "Tinkers Workshop". It was a little disappointing because there were tons of peieces that were missing and broken. We had looked when we first got there, but quickly went on to bigger and better things. This time though, we made it work.
There was a table with a bunch of art supplies - egg cartons, construction paper, pipe cleaners, yogurt containers, stickers - an child artist dream. We got the kids to sit down and had, what for me was the best hour as a parent I've had to this point (granted - that's just a total of about 6 hours now). Bailey drew a picture of Lori and Nicole and made a stick figure of herself out of a popcycle stick. Dalton and I made an alien out of a toilet paper roll, pipe cleaners and whatever else we could get our hands on. I actually "helped" and made suggestions. I saw how he could focus and keep his attention on a project. We became the "Scotch Tape Kings" and made the best looking pipe cleaner alien the world has ever seen. Before he could run off, I suggested we try something else. He saw another project hanging from the ceiling and wanted to make an airplane. We snapped into action looking for supplies. We made it out of a water bottle, egg carton, pipe cleaners, and Dalton searched and searched and found a cardboard box to cut wings out. It wasn't the most aerodynamic of airplanes, but in making that airplane, we all saw the potential we had as a family. Especially Nicole I think. I think she saw the kids be happy kids and that's probably been a rare thing. There was no worry on the face of Dalton for the hour or so we did that. Bailey had two women there cheering on her every move and she ate it up like a ballerina trying to get applause. It was amazing.
We left the museum after a few hours and decided to take Nicole and the kids to eat. We didn't want to seem like lost puppies, so I drove to an area of town I was familiar with. We settled on Canolli Joes - an itialian buffet place. It was a little expensive, but totally worth it. The kids were a little over-stimulated, so we needed some space to spread out. I was proud of the kids. We are going to have our hands full with Bailey and her "inside voice". Dalton finished his meal in seconds and obsessed over dessert. We already have a well established rule after two meals now that nobody gets up until everyone is through with their meal. Once he has a rule, I think he's fine. He just needs to know what the rules are.
I'm still in shock and awe in amazement at how smart these kids are. Part of it is me being a proud parent - sure. But, Bailey is five and can spell. She was doing "Word Finds" in the car (where you circle the letters of words hidden in the puzzle). When I was five, I wouldn't have had a CLUE what that was. We played "what starts with the letter....." game most of the day. Dalton is bored stiff with that game. Dalton, I think, could play that game on a college level. "What does psychology start with? What does xylophone start with?" I'm almost certain he'd know. I watched him read AND COMPREHEND things that he was reading all day long. I watched him get to a word he didn't know and work it out until he figured out what it could have been in the context of the sentence. Not once, not twice - all day long. I helped him a couple of times. He wanted to know what we needed to "Call the Manager for Details" was about? What details? Who has parties and has to call a manager?
We took Nicole back to her car and then drove the kids home. That was the most difficult part. We happened to be in Austin on the weekend before college classes start and we got stuck in a traffic jam to end all traffic jams. We passed by the Texas Museum and there is a giant metal star out front. Bailey didn't get to see it and had a melt-down and wanted us to turn around. We got our first taste of how long she can drag out a whiney meltdown. Lori had her first "mommy-moment" where she started to loose patience and since we were stuck in the car, we weren't sure how to handle it (no time-out?). We dealt with it though. One thing we learned quickly - we can never promise something and think they'll forget about it. They have memories like steel traps. "You said we could get a toy at the end! You said we could go back and slide down the slide before we left!" "You said we could see the big star!" I'm going to shut my mouth more often I think.
Overall - it was a huge success. We tackled the Children's Museum with two rambunctious kids and came out without any injuries. I have to say - last week, Bailey was a little angel, sitting and coloring and not a handful at all. Last week, Dalton ran us around and was a potential handful to keep calm. This week? It was a complete 180. Dalton was nothing but an angel all day. Lori and I have had "expectations" that everybody has helped set up. He has a hard time listening I think, but given the attention, he is quite helpful. It's just going to take constant attention for awhile before he can do it on his own. He helped us with Bailey, shared his pencils when she dropped hers in the car, pointed things out to her, tried to help us when she had her meltdown (and was much more patient that a six year old older brother has a right to be). He was a joy. Bailey? She's going to test our limits as much as she can. She does something wrong and when we scold her, she does it one more time to see what we'll do. We noticed it right away. Lori asked for assistance from Nicole once in the Museum to see how Nicole handled it. I think that helped. Lori got a little emotional in the car once we left....but quickly got over it and we were able to talk about the details of the day.
Things like Bailey asking "Why did Jesus make scorpions? They sting." Dalton staring out the window of the car, trying to find the Super-Drum and finding it every time - a sense of direction I don't have. We think we'll get to see the kids next weekend. We're not sure where we will take them. They both start school on Monday so we hope we have some things to talk about. I can't wait.
One last thing - after we were finished, we decided to stop by Ikea and buy Dalton his bed to start setting up his room. We debated about it quite some time - it was tax-free weekend on the weekend before school starting after all. But, since we were there, we decided to brave it. Found a really neat bed and it was pretty cheap, too. We were walking out and the coincidence of all coincidences happened - something that freaked Lori and I out more than a little bit. We ran into Preston, the kids case worker. Two minutes earlier or later and we would have missed him. He lives 50 miles from Ikea and we live 50 miles away in a different direction. What are the odds of that? How does that happen? He said he had already gotten a text message from Nicole about how great the day went and we sat and chatted for awhile in the 100 degree heat. I think we were all a little amazed at the small world. We needed to talk to him about it. Simply amazing. Another sign from somewhere (God, karma, whatever) that this is what should be happening right now at this moment with these kids, these case workers, and us.
One thing about Dalton - he's obsessed. When he found out we were coming on Saturday, he was dressed and ready to go by 7:00 am (we got there at 9:00). He asked his foster mom a hundred times if we were coming. When we pulled up into the driveway, he ran to the back porch, waved quickly and then ran back inside to get his sister. She wasn't quite ready, so he asked me a hundred times if he could go get in the car. He's worried about whatever the "next big thing" is. Once we were in the car, he wanted to know where we were going. Once he knew that, he worried aobut when we would get there. It was very manageable. It's just who he is today.
Bailey: She wasn't quite ready when we got there. The most impressive thing I saw all day was how this foster family worked together to get things done. Two brothers helped get her things together. One sister started combing her hair while the other looked for barets. Bailey stood still the whole time and let them dote on her. One of the sisters was about 10 and if I could have taken her right then and there, I would have. All of them actually.
This foster-home was amazing. The foster dad was pretty laid back and proud of his spread out there. Five acres with a pool and tons of play equipment. I huge six bedroom house with two gigantic living areas, enough books in the bookcase to be considered a library, one of those kitchen tables that seats 20. The foster mom is the epi-center. She is a ball of energy and her brain goes ten different ways the entire time she is talking. She's fostered over 200 kinds, adopted 15, and I think she has 3 of her own. Forget war heroes - give this lady (and man) a medal!
We picked up Dalton and Bailey and headed about 20 miles in to Austin to the Austin Children's Museum. They had just been to the circus the day before and we didn't want to "compete" with that. We just wanted to take them to a place that was safe for both them and us. If they broke something there, I'm sure the people at the museum wouldn't freak out. We knew we could handle it. We just wanted to make it as easy on us as we could. Nicole, their CASA worker, drove up from Ft. Hood and met us there. I was pretty happy about that. It did change the "tone" of the day. Instead of a intense day of on-the-job-parenting, it became another "job-interview" type thing, knowing that she was watching and documenting. But, in reality, it didn't really turn out like that at all. Nicole trust us already I think. I really think she wanted to make sure we knew what we're getting into and help give us some pointers on how to control the kids.
When we first got to the museum, the kids went nuts. No problem - there weren't many people there and it was fine. I wanted to corral Bailey and have Lori spend some time with Dalton, but the truth is, Dalton is fast and all boy. He was climbing stairs and it was just easier for me to keep up with him. Bailey spent a long time at the "store" serving food and taking orders. Dalton didn't stay on anything more than a few minutes before he was off to the next big thing.
It was an hour or so before Nicole got there. I hadn't told the kids, so I told Dalton that we needed to go to the front to meet a guest that was coming to see us. Of course, he obsessed on who it could be. I wasn't thinking and asked "Who do you want it to be?" Dalton responded, "My birth-mom." It was touching, it was sweet, but mostly it made me sad that I walked in to that moment. I quickly said "Who ELSE could it be?" I answered the question for him before he had a chance to answer something else I wasn't prepared for. He and Bailey were VERY excited to see Nicole. She's as close of a thing to a consistent positive female role model that they've ever had. They've had lots of positive male and females come in and out of their lives, but never for very long. Nicole has helped since day one. We were appreciatve she was there for that fact alone.
We went upstairs to a place called "Tinkers Workshop". It was a little disappointing because there were tons of peieces that were missing and broken. We had looked when we first got there, but quickly went on to bigger and better things. This time though, we made it work.
There was a table with a bunch of art supplies - egg cartons, construction paper, pipe cleaners, yogurt containers, stickers - an child artist dream. We got the kids to sit down and had, what for me was the best hour as a parent I've had to this point (granted - that's just a total of about 6 hours now). Bailey drew a picture of Lori and Nicole and made a stick figure of herself out of a popcycle stick. Dalton and I made an alien out of a toilet paper roll, pipe cleaners and whatever else we could get our hands on. I actually "helped" and made suggestions. I saw how he could focus and keep his attention on a project. We became the "Scotch Tape Kings" and made the best looking pipe cleaner alien the world has ever seen. Before he could run off, I suggested we try something else. He saw another project hanging from the ceiling and wanted to make an airplane. We snapped into action looking for supplies. We made it out of a water bottle, egg carton, pipe cleaners, and Dalton searched and searched and found a cardboard box to cut wings out. It wasn't the most aerodynamic of airplanes, but in making that airplane, we all saw the potential we had as a family. Especially Nicole I think. I think she saw the kids be happy kids and that's probably been a rare thing. There was no worry on the face of Dalton for the hour or so we did that. Bailey had two women there cheering on her every move and she ate it up like a ballerina trying to get applause. It was amazing.
We left the museum after a few hours and decided to take Nicole and the kids to eat. We didn't want to seem like lost puppies, so I drove to an area of town I was familiar with. We settled on Canolli Joes - an itialian buffet place. It was a little expensive, but totally worth it. The kids were a little over-stimulated, so we needed some space to spread out. I was proud of the kids. We are going to have our hands full with Bailey and her "inside voice". Dalton finished his meal in seconds and obsessed over dessert. We already have a well established rule after two meals now that nobody gets up until everyone is through with their meal. Once he has a rule, I think he's fine. He just needs to know what the rules are.
I'm still in shock and awe in amazement at how smart these kids are. Part of it is me being a proud parent - sure. But, Bailey is five and can spell. She was doing "Word Finds" in the car (where you circle the letters of words hidden in the puzzle). When I was five, I wouldn't have had a CLUE what that was. We played "what starts with the letter....." game most of the day. Dalton is bored stiff with that game. Dalton, I think, could play that game on a college level. "What does psychology start with? What does xylophone start with?" I'm almost certain he'd know. I watched him read AND COMPREHEND things that he was reading all day long. I watched him get to a word he didn't know and work it out until he figured out what it could have been in the context of the sentence. Not once, not twice - all day long. I helped him a couple of times. He wanted to know what we needed to "Call the Manager for Details" was about? What details? Who has parties and has to call a manager?
We took Nicole back to her car and then drove the kids home. That was the most difficult part. We happened to be in Austin on the weekend before college classes start and we got stuck in a traffic jam to end all traffic jams. We passed by the Texas Museum and there is a giant metal star out front. Bailey didn't get to see it and had a melt-down and wanted us to turn around. We got our first taste of how long she can drag out a whiney meltdown. Lori had her first "mommy-moment" where she started to loose patience and since we were stuck in the car, we weren't sure how to handle it (no time-out?). We dealt with it though. One thing we learned quickly - we can never promise something and think they'll forget about it. They have memories like steel traps. "You said we could get a toy at the end! You said we could go back and slide down the slide before we left!" "You said we could see the big star!" I'm going to shut my mouth more often I think.
Overall - it was a huge success. We tackled the Children's Museum with two rambunctious kids and came out without any injuries. I have to say - last week, Bailey was a little angel, sitting and coloring and not a handful at all. Last week, Dalton ran us around and was a potential handful to keep calm. This week? It was a complete 180. Dalton was nothing but an angel all day. Lori and I have had "expectations" that everybody has helped set up. He has a hard time listening I think, but given the attention, he is quite helpful. It's just going to take constant attention for awhile before he can do it on his own. He helped us with Bailey, shared his pencils when she dropped hers in the car, pointed things out to her, tried to help us when she had her meltdown (and was much more patient that a six year old older brother has a right to be). He was a joy. Bailey? She's going to test our limits as much as she can. She does something wrong and when we scold her, she does it one more time to see what we'll do. We noticed it right away. Lori asked for assistance from Nicole once in the Museum to see how Nicole handled it. I think that helped. Lori got a little emotional in the car once we left....but quickly got over it and we were able to talk about the details of the day.
Things like Bailey asking "Why did Jesus make scorpions? They sting." Dalton staring out the window of the car, trying to find the Super-Drum and finding it every time - a sense of direction I don't have. We think we'll get to see the kids next weekend. We're not sure where we will take them. They both start school on Monday so we hope we have some things to talk about. I can't wait.
One last thing - after we were finished, we decided to stop by Ikea and buy Dalton his bed to start setting up his room. We debated about it quite some time - it was tax-free weekend on the weekend before school starting after all. But, since we were there, we decided to brave it. Found a really neat bed and it was pretty cheap, too. We were walking out and the coincidence of all coincidences happened - something that freaked Lori and I out more than a little bit. We ran into Preston, the kids case worker. Two minutes earlier or later and we would have missed him. He lives 50 miles from Ikea and we live 50 miles away in a different direction. What are the odds of that? How does that happen? He said he had already gotten a text message from Nicole about how great the day went and we sat and chatted for awhile in the 100 degree heat. I think we were all a little amazed at the small world. We needed to talk to him about it. Simply amazing. Another sign from somewhere (God, karma, whatever) that this is what should be happening right now at this moment with these kids, these case workers, and us.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Waiting to see our kids again
It's a quiet Thursday night and there isn't much going on.
Still basking in the afterglow of meeting Dalton and Bailey. It's been an eventful week - both on the good side and the bad. It's hard keeping this news quiet. I'm a proud parent already, the damn has burst. It's like trying to hold back the flood waters. We told Lori's parents on Sunday and my parents on Monday. They both were extremely excited. However, I'm not sure they completely understand this. I agreed to tell my aunt in Rochester, New York, basically so my mother could have someone to talk to about it. She wants me to tell the pastor at church, who was one of our references. After I told my aunt, my wife gave me a stern talking to about reigning in information. They aren't our kids to talk about yet. Nobody needs to know some of the info. We have to protect the kids. I called my mom and told her to watch what she says....we're going to take things slow from here.
So....last night, while we had a CPS meeting with the CASA worker, my mother called my cellphone twice and the house once. When we got out of the meeting, they didn't answer. I assumed that something bad had happened. There was a message on one phone that they were at the church and "just wanted to say hello." So, we went to say hello...knowing it was something more. My mother was wanting us to announce to a roomful of people our news. We were both a little taken aback by it. I think my mom's feelings are hurt, but I have to look at the big picture. Everybody will know soon enough that we have kids. It really won't matter when everybody is told if this all works out. It is hard enough getting myself to limit my talk about them.
On Tuesday, we got a call from the kid's CASA worker, Nicole. Dalton and Bailey had spoken of her and it sounded like Nicole was someone they loved. Preston spoke good about her as well. It sounds like Nicole and Preston have been to hell and back over these kids, trying to keep the mom above water. She came across on the phone to Lori as "professional." We weren't too sure she was totally going to be on our side. She wanted to come out and see our house on Wednesday night. Something we very much wanted to happen.
Wednesday she showed up and we got a weird vibe from her at the beginning. I'm sure she has had to fight many battles at the door for these kids and many others. She took some photos of our house for Preston. Then she asked the question I'm sure had been weighing on her mind for some time - "Will I be able to continue to be in the children's lives if you adopt them?" OF COURSE! Dalton and Bailey love her. We want any positive influence on them to continue as long as possible. After that was cleared up, Lori and I got a totally different vibe. We sat and talked for about an hour about how great these two kids are. Preston and Nicole both said they would adopt these kids if they possibly could. She seemed to really like us and we really like her. I told her we feel like we are adopting her and we'd set up a bed for her whenever she wanted to come over. I think it was a roaring success for us and for Nicole. At least I hope so. I hope she will be a valuable source of information and support in the near and distant future. I think she will.
Now, we try to set up Saturday. It's been tough on me this week. I'm really missing my little boy and girl. Lori seems to be holding together well....but I'm sure she has her moments too. We are playing it loose this weekend, but if it works out, I think we're going to try to take Dalton and Bailey to the Children's Museum of Austin. Looks like a fun place. Lori and I need to see how we can handle a couple of kids in a kid-friendly public place on our own. I hope it works out. If not, we'll have to have some backup plans....I know pizza is in our future...possibly a Chuck E. Cheese. We'll see.
Other good news - Carey came by Monday for her quarterly visit. It went well and we basically oogled and oogled Dalton and Bailey and how great they were. I did find out that there were a couple of financial items that I breezed over in class. Since I thought we were always just going to get one child, I didn't pay attention to the "two child" plan. Since we're getting two, we get more money to foster. Also, we could get adoption subsidies for both kids until they are eighteen. That's a ton of money. AND - if they go to a state school, their tuition will be paid for! How's that for good news?
I also found out that the time table may not be as long as I thought for them to come and stay with us permanently. After September 5th, it could take a couple of weeks. That's exciting. We've started letting ourselves dream about Halloween, school, football games, trips to the park.....it's all very exciting. I hope I can hold on to this excited feeling forever. It's made my days at work go by so much smoother - even on the really crappy days.
Still basking in the afterglow of meeting Dalton and Bailey. It's been an eventful week - both on the good side and the bad. It's hard keeping this news quiet. I'm a proud parent already, the damn has burst. It's like trying to hold back the flood waters. We told Lori's parents on Sunday and my parents on Monday. They both were extremely excited. However, I'm not sure they completely understand this. I agreed to tell my aunt in Rochester, New York, basically so my mother could have someone to talk to about it. She wants me to tell the pastor at church, who was one of our references. After I told my aunt, my wife gave me a stern talking to about reigning in information. They aren't our kids to talk about yet. Nobody needs to know some of the info. We have to protect the kids. I called my mom and told her to watch what she says....we're going to take things slow from here.
So....last night, while we had a CPS meeting with the CASA worker, my mother called my cellphone twice and the house once. When we got out of the meeting, they didn't answer. I assumed that something bad had happened. There was a message on one phone that they were at the church and "just wanted to say hello." So, we went to say hello...knowing it was something more. My mother was wanting us to announce to a roomful of people our news. We were both a little taken aback by it. I think my mom's feelings are hurt, but I have to look at the big picture. Everybody will know soon enough that we have kids. It really won't matter when everybody is told if this all works out. It is hard enough getting myself to limit my talk about them.
On Tuesday, we got a call from the kid's CASA worker, Nicole. Dalton and Bailey had spoken of her and it sounded like Nicole was someone they loved. Preston spoke good about her as well. It sounds like Nicole and Preston have been to hell and back over these kids, trying to keep the mom above water. She came across on the phone to Lori as "professional." We weren't too sure she was totally going to be on our side. She wanted to come out and see our house on Wednesday night. Something we very much wanted to happen.
Wednesday she showed up and we got a weird vibe from her at the beginning. I'm sure she has had to fight many battles at the door for these kids and many others. She took some photos of our house for Preston. Then she asked the question I'm sure had been weighing on her mind for some time - "Will I be able to continue to be in the children's lives if you adopt them?" OF COURSE! Dalton and Bailey love her. We want any positive influence on them to continue as long as possible. After that was cleared up, Lori and I got a totally different vibe. We sat and talked for about an hour about how great these two kids are. Preston and Nicole both said they would adopt these kids if they possibly could. She seemed to really like us and we really like her. I told her we feel like we are adopting her and we'd set up a bed for her whenever she wanted to come over. I think it was a roaring success for us and for Nicole. At least I hope so. I hope she will be a valuable source of information and support in the near and distant future. I think she will.
Now, we try to set up Saturday. It's been tough on me this week. I'm really missing my little boy and girl. Lori seems to be holding together well....but I'm sure she has her moments too. We are playing it loose this weekend, but if it works out, I think we're going to try to take Dalton and Bailey to the Children's Museum of Austin. Looks like a fun place. Lori and I need to see how we can handle a couple of kids in a kid-friendly public place on our own. I hope it works out. If not, we'll have to have some backup plans....I know pizza is in our future...possibly a Chuck E. Cheese. We'll see.
Other good news - Carey came by Monday for her quarterly visit. It went well and we basically oogled and oogled Dalton and Bailey and how great they were. I did find out that there were a couple of financial items that I breezed over in class. Since I thought we were always just going to get one child, I didn't pay attention to the "two child" plan. Since we're getting two, we get more money to foster. Also, we could get adoption subsidies for both kids until they are eighteen. That's a ton of money. AND - if they go to a state school, their tuition will be paid for! How's that for good news?
I also found out that the time table may not be as long as I thought for them to come and stay with us permanently. After September 5th, it could take a couple of weeks. That's exciting. We've started letting ourselves dream about Halloween, school, football games, trips to the park.....it's all very exciting. I hope I can hold on to this excited feeling forever. It's made my days at work go by so much smoother - even on the really crappy days.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
What An AMAZING Day
Today I met my son and daughter.
How many parents get to say that? And it was everything that you imagine it would be like. Amazing. Unreal. Emotional. FUN. Overwhelming. and about a thousand other adjectives that I can find the words for. The powers that be will tell you that I am jumping the gun. But you try to take these kids away from me and see what happens! If something happens and I'm not allowed to keep these two kids, you better have proof that they are going to a better home than mine to get the love they need. I'm certain one doesn't exist. It's everything I could have asked for and more.
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink. I went to bed at 9:30 and thought I got a good nights sleep. I rolled over and looked at the clock and it was midnight. For the next six hours, I tossed and turned the whole time. I finally forced myself out of bed at 6 so I could calm my nerves and not wake Lori. I had a peaceful morning, imagining the morning that was to come. We left at 8:30 in pretty good shape. Both of us nervous, but able to keep it together.
We got to the McDonalds in Taylor and called the caseworker. He was just leaving Elgin with the kids and would be another 20 minutes. We sat quietly in a big booth, trying not to freak out too much. Every open door was them. At one point, a man walked in with two blonde children....but he was holding another baby. He smiled as he walked passed us to the counter. My wife told me to quit staring, but I thought that might be them. He walked passed us and paused for a second, enough for Lori to start standing and saying hello.....then he walked right on passed to his table. We both shared a nervous giggle. After that, I started spying on the parking lot.
Minutes later, I saw another car pull up with three kids in it. This time I was certain. Preston, the kids' caseworker, had brought his own six year old son along.
Meeting Dalton and Bailey for the first time was unreal and life-changing. They had already been told our names and why we wanted to meet them. They were eager to meet us, but then quickly shifted their attention to the play-area outside. We picked up and moved to some tables outside. The first 15 minutes was a blur of activitiy. Handshakes and hellos with Preston through laughter and chasing the kids. We snapped a few quick photos in front of Ronald McDonald to make sure we didn't forget later. A giant game of "you can't catch me" ensued.....and they were right....I couldn't.
After the first round of slides and tunnels, they came over to the table and discovered the blue and pink bag we had prepared the previous day. We knew Dalton liked Star Wars and got him a coloring book with stickers. We got him a transformer car/robot, a Matchbox car, and a notebook to draw in. The transformer car was a hit. Bailey got a little "Petshop" cat, a couple of pony dolls, a My Little Pony coloring book, and a notebook. It was ALL a hit with her.
Bailey - We equally bonded with both kids I think. But what a charmer this little girl is! Cute round faces with the biggest blue eyes I've ever seen. And she is as fiercely independent as any woman. She wanted to order her own food, fill her own cup, get her own katsup, get her own napkins. Nobody waits on this girl! When we asked her if she wanted a cheeseburger or chicken nuggets, her answer was "Both." When we asked her what she wanted to drink, "All of it. A little coke, sprite, dr. pepper, Mr. Pibb all mixed up together" My favorite response came when she was asked what her favorite color was - "I like pink and red and all of them." She doesn't have time to pick a favorite when she can have them ALL.
Dalton - We took plenty of pictures....but it seemed like every time I tried to snap one of Dalton, he was running away from me to the next adventure. He is very intense and you could tell he has carried a lot of the worry for him and his sister. He worried that he's lost something or forgotten something. But, when he isn't worried, he's funny. And - I have to say, I don't know of a six year old that can read as well as he can. He was reading the menu, the play-set rules, etc. just like he was having a conversation. I'm not sure >>I<< read as well as he does. He had the caseworker's son there to play with him and we continued our game of "can't catch me" throughout the morning. We ran the cars down the slides, or "ramps" to watch them jump. Highly entertaining.
The two hours went by in no time. By the end, we were sure. We hope and pray that Preston is sure. We hope and pray even harder that Dalton and Bailey are sure. Lori was a little nervous about taking on two kids. Once we read their psyc. evaluations, she felt a little better about things but still had that concern that the kids and us wouldn't connect. We gave each other the "....and that's o.k" speech on the way in, giving ourselves an excuse if things didn't work out....
But did they ever work out. I'm not supposed to say it....I'm not supposed to even think it.....Lori is avoiding it......but these are MY kids now. If you are going to take them away from me, I need to know that the situation they are going ot is better than what Lori and I have to offer. I will fight for these kids at this point. We're confident that Preston was comfortable with us. We hope he liked us as much as we love the kids. He's been with them since day one. He knows these kids better than their own parents. He wants to see them go to the right family. We hope that's us.
We expect to get a call from the foster mother so we can come visit them next week. We want to bring them some clothes for school. We'll get to take them out to eat and play a little bit. Then, on September 5th, they're coming here to spend the night. I'm excited about that. After that......we're back to the great unknown. School is a factor. I'm ready today, but I know that these kids have been moved around more than any kid deserves to. I don't blame anyone for taking their time at this point. They're in a good place right now. There is too many kids there....but they're in a good place.
Overall, it has just been an amazing day. It has been THE best day of my life. I miss my kids today. I'm a little sad about that. But I'm thrilled that I have the opportunity to be sad about that. Soon, they'll be here all the time. I have to put all my hope into that.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Eve of the first big day
Time for a nervous ramble.
It seems like I always get the urge to write on a quiet Friday night. We've gone through the motions today. Luckily, it was a horrible day at the office, so I was able to keep my mind on work instead of watching the clock and waiting for 10 am on Saturday to roll around. It was hard not talking about it. All I want to do is talk about it. But, it's so complex. Things change so rapidly, any news I tell anyone would get confusing. It's better to just wait until there is something real to tell. People treat the news like we're pregnant and about to have a baby. They don't see the struggle these kids have had and understand the slow process this must become so they don't feel like they are just moving in and out of every home they've ever been in.
All the emotion that I've held in check is right there on the surface today. No matter what I try to think about, Dalton and Bailey keep popping in. I'm excited, but nervous, about tomorrow because it IS a big day, no matter how much we downplay it. How many parents get this opportunity to introduce themselves to their own children? I hope they aren't scared or intimidated by us. I don't think they will be. I'm almost certain they won't. But we don't know. It sure would make things easier on us for the next two weeks if we knew the kids were eager to see us again the next time. If not, we'll keep moving forward. And if so, every day after will be a lot brighter as we move forward.
We started this thinking we were doing something noble. We were going to "save" one of these kids from abuse and neglect. We said we'd take two kids, but never thought the possibility would come up. We said "in the right situation." Turns out, we're not sure there was ever a wrong situation. But this does feel like the right situation.
So....this is like Christmas eve. Except I already know what we're getting for Christmas. What greater gift could there be in the universe? Lori and I are both a little scared that we're going to be bawling for the first thirty minutes. I'm going to do my best not to. I'm not sure how I'm ever going to get to sleep tonight? It's like standing on a cliff looking out on the great unknown.
I have so much stuff I want to ask these kids. I want them to have so much fun. Part of me hopes they've already had a lot of fun. But, another part wants to help them experience some of the things that I had such a good time doing as a kid. Can they swim? Do they like animals? The zoo? I'm sure they are too young for roller coasters, but I hope they're willing. Do they know who Shamu is? If not, we're going to HAVE to figure that one out quickly. What kind of food do they like? Pizza? Spaghetti? Hamburgers? Vegetables? Are they picky eaters? What movies have they seen? Cars? Up!? Wall-E? The muppets? What TV do they like to watch? Spongebob? iCarley? Looney Tunes? 60 Minutes? Can they ride a bike? Do I get to teach that to them? Do they like to play sports? Do they want to play sports? Do they want to be in cub scouts or girl scouts? Will Lori even want to do that? Does Bailey want to be a cheerleader? Dance? Gymnastics? What kind of toys do they like to play with? Board games? Electronics? Candy Land? Legos? What are they good at in school? Math? Spelling? Reading? Do they like school or hate it? Will Dalton (or Bailey) want to go watch football with me this or next year? Will he look up to his older cousin, TJ? Will TJ want a little cousin to idolize him? Will the same be true with Alysia and Bailey? Will both the kids look forward to seeing Mackenzie when she comes over? Will they like my mom and dad and the farm? Are they afraid of dogs? Will they connect with Lori's mom and dad? Are they excited about having their own rooms? What color do they want to paint their rooms? What kind of stuff do they want to put on their walls?
That's just off the top of my head.
Lori's parents know where we are going tomorrow. My parents have no idea. I'm not sure how we're going to leave McDonalds and go across to the family reunion and not be a ball of energy and nerves. I don't know how we're supposed to sit in a room and not talk about the two hour meeting with Dalton and Bailey.
But I'm excited to see my cousin Dawn and her new baby. I love the family reunion each year. It'll be a great story for next year. Ok. I was able to write this out and now I might be able to watch TV or something.
14 more hours until I meet my future children. I still can't get it out of my head about how awesome that is.
It seems like I always get the urge to write on a quiet Friday night. We've gone through the motions today. Luckily, it was a horrible day at the office, so I was able to keep my mind on work instead of watching the clock and waiting for 10 am on Saturday to roll around. It was hard not talking about it. All I want to do is talk about it. But, it's so complex. Things change so rapidly, any news I tell anyone would get confusing. It's better to just wait until there is something real to tell. People treat the news like we're pregnant and about to have a baby. They don't see the struggle these kids have had and understand the slow process this must become so they don't feel like they are just moving in and out of every home they've ever been in.
All the emotion that I've held in check is right there on the surface today. No matter what I try to think about, Dalton and Bailey keep popping in. I'm excited, but nervous, about tomorrow because it IS a big day, no matter how much we downplay it. How many parents get this opportunity to introduce themselves to their own children? I hope they aren't scared or intimidated by us. I don't think they will be. I'm almost certain they won't. But we don't know. It sure would make things easier on us for the next two weeks if we knew the kids were eager to see us again the next time. If not, we'll keep moving forward. And if so, every day after will be a lot brighter as we move forward.
We started this thinking we were doing something noble. We were going to "save" one of these kids from abuse and neglect. We said we'd take two kids, but never thought the possibility would come up. We said "in the right situation." Turns out, we're not sure there was ever a wrong situation. But this does feel like the right situation.
So....this is like Christmas eve. Except I already know what we're getting for Christmas. What greater gift could there be in the universe? Lori and I are both a little scared that we're going to be bawling for the first thirty minutes. I'm going to do my best not to. I'm not sure how I'm ever going to get to sleep tonight? It's like standing on a cliff looking out on the great unknown.
I have so much stuff I want to ask these kids. I want them to have so much fun. Part of me hopes they've already had a lot of fun. But, another part wants to help them experience some of the things that I had such a good time doing as a kid. Can they swim? Do they like animals? The zoo? I'm sure they are too young for roller coasters, but I hope they're willing. Do they know who Shamu is? If not, we're going to HAVE to figure that one out quickly. What kind of food do they like? Pizza? Spaghetti? Hamburgers? Vegetables? Are they picky eaters? What movies have they seen? Cars? Up!? Wall-E? The muppets? What TV do they like to watch? Spongebob? iCarley? Looney Tunes? 60 Minutes? Can they ride a bike? Do I get to teach that to them? Do they like to play sports? Do they want to play sports? Do they want to be in cub scouts or girl scouts? Will Lori even want to do that? Does Bailey want to be a cheerleader? Dance? Gymnastics? What kind of toys do they like to play with? Board games? Electronics? Candy Land? Legos? What are they good at in school? Math? Spelling? Reading? Do they like school or hate it? Will Dalton (or Bailey) want to go watch football with me this or next year? Will he look up to his older cousin, TJ? Will TJ want a little cousin to idolize him? Will the same be true with Alysia and Bailey? Will both the kids look forward to seeing Mackenzie when she comes over? Will they like my mom and dad and the farm? Are they afraid of dogs? Will they connect with Lori's mom and dad? Are they excited about having their own rooms? What color do they want to paint their rooms? What kind of stuff do they want to put on their walls?
That's just off the top of my head.
Lori's parents know where we are going tomorrow. My parents have no idea. I'm not sure how we're going to leave McDonalds and go across to the family reunion and not be a ball of energy and nerves. I don't know how we're supposed to sit in a room and not talk about the two hour meeting with Dalton and Bailey.
But I'm excited to see my cousin Dawn and her new baby. I love the family reunion each year. It'll be a great story for next year. Ok. I was able to write this out and now I might be able to watch TV or something.
14 more hours until I meet my future children. I still can't get it out of my head about how awesome that is.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
"The Conference Call"
So. Last night we had to "commit" to moving forward. No big deal really. The conversation was difficult, because we had to make sure there was no stone unturned. We had to make sure that one of us wasn't waiting for the other to ask that question that neither of us wanted to know the answer to. The actions speak louder than words conversation. We both left last night's conversation a little drained but satisfied that we are as ready as we say and think we are. We keep testing that we don't have doubts. We passed all test with flying colors in my opinion. I think we are realistic in knowing we will be in over our heads. I think we are approaching it the exact correct way and others are affirming that for us by moving forward with this.
We had decided that we would meet Dalton and Bailey on Saturday, but we had questions for their caseworker. We didn't know what kind of meeting it was set up to be. Are we their prospecting long-term mommy and daddy? Are we Uncle Steve and Aunt Lori that just want to be their pal? Are we just a couple of people looking to entertain them for a day? Do they want to go back to their real mom? Do they like where they are now? Do they even WANT a permanent long-term mommy and daddy at this point? They've been burned many times before and really have had no idea why they have been moved around like they have.
We waited for him to call us nervously. We tried not to be nervous, but we both are starting to feel how real it's getting. He called and we talked on the speaker-phone for about 45 minutes. You could tell that he really cares about these two kids. He's been dealing with them from day 1 of their journey about 2 years ago. You could hear the frustration in his voice that the biological family couldn't get their act together. You could hear the hope in his voice that our situation would be better than the best situation they had been in for a short while where he saw positive progress. You could tell he's got more than just a case-workers interest in these kids. I would bet if he didn't have kids, these would be his kids.
Our minds were put at ease quickly. These kids WILL know that it is our hope that they will eventually come to stay with us forever. We'll work in to it slowly. First meeting will be a two hour play-date at McDonalds. We asked and he thought it was very appropriate for us to bring a toy or two to give them. I didn't tell, but I had already bought a couple little things that I was going to have in my pocket as a "Oh! How did THIS get in there!" type gift. He encouraged us to bring a camera, which was one of those questions we were really afraid to ask.
If all goes well, in the next week or two, we will travel the hour and a half to the home they are at to visit them on their turf. The hope is that they will be excited to see us again. Then, we'll ask if they want to come spend the night in our house. After that, I'm not sure of the time-table, but at least I can SEE how this is going to unfold. Before tonight, I wasn't sure the way I thought it should go would be the same as everyone else. Turns out, it is. Everybody cares about these kids.
SO - we have to wait till Saturday. That's going to make for one looooong Friday. And Saturday could be one of the biggest days EVER. We're both trying to play it down to each other, but we both have aknowledged the signifigance of it all.......
Saturday, I will probably be meeting my new son and daughter for the first time. How awesome is that statement? It's like Lori being pregnant with twins and being induced tomorrow. Except, that we already know a lot of the good and bad physical and emotional problems they have. It's not all good like every parent prays for. But it's not at all bad enough that you wouldn't thank God that these kids are exactly as they are. It's almost too much to put in to words. We hope that the kids love us and we are very concious that we shouldn't try too hard. We don't want to cry the happy tears for two hours and leave these kids wondering "Who are these freaks?" But wow. It's all set to go. The appointment is set.
Oh....the kids live in Elgin which is about an hour and a half away....near Austin. It just so happens that my family is having a family reunion on Saturday in Taylor - near Elgin and Austin. We had told CPS we would gladly cancel the family reunion for this. Turns out, the kids caseworker set our play-date for the McDonalds in Taylor, right next door to our family reunion! That's a coincidence that I will never be able to explain. Even Preston was a little awed by that little touch of God. Lori and I kind of look for signs that this is what we're supposed to be doing at this time and place. We've gotten them in big ways for the last eight months. This is just one more.
Of course after the phone call we went to eat and went to the dollar store and did some toy shopping. Coloring books, action figure, Matchbox car, little toy pony. I already know a little what they like and think they'll be more than happy. We've been able to peek behind the curtain and see some specific things they like (Star Wars and ponies).
I'm proud of us for making it here. I'm proud of our case-worker, Carey, for leading us to this point. I'm encouraged by the kids case-worker, Preston, for looking out for their best interest for so long. It sounds like a lesser worker might have lost these kids in the system once or twice. And, I'm proud of Bailey and Dalton. They've had to see and do and experience some things no kids should have to. They've had a really raw deal their whole lives. I hope and pray that we are the happy ending to that part of their lives and that they can start a whole new book with us. I'm confident that we'll all be successful at that.
We had decided that we would meet Dalton and Bailey on Saturday, but we had questions for their caseworker. We didn't know what kind of meeting it was set up to be. Are we their prospecting long-term mommy and daddy? Are we Uncle Steve and Aunt Lori that just want to be their pal? Are we just a couple of people looking to entertain them for a day? Do they want to go back to their real mom? Do they like where they are now? Do they even WANT a permanent long-term mommy and daddy at this point? They've been burned many times before and really have had no idea why they have been moved around like they have.
We waited for him to call us nervously. We tried not to be nervous, but we both are starting to feel how real it's getting. He called and we talked on the speaker-phone for about 45 minutes. You could tell that he really cares about these two kids. He's been dealing with them from day 1 of their journey about 2 years ago. You could hear the frustration in his voice that the biological family couldn't get their act together. You could hear the hope in his voice that our situation would be better than the best situation they had been in for a short while where he saw positive progress. You could tell he's got more than just a case-workers interest in these kids. I would bet if he didn't have kids, these would be his kids.
Our minds were put at ease quickly. These kids WILL know that it is our hope that they will eventually come to stay with us forever. We'll work in to it slowly. First meeting will be a two hour play-date at McDonalds. We asked and he thought it was very appropriate for us to bring a toy or two to give them. I didn't tell, but I had already bought a couple little things that I was going to have in my pocket as a "Oh! How did THIS get in there!" type gift. He encouraged us to bring a camera, which was one of those questions we were really afraid to ask.
If all goes well, in the next week or two, we will travel the hour and a half to the home they are at to visit them on their turf. The hope is that they will be excited to see us again. Then, we'll ask if they want to come spend the night in our house. After that, I'm not sure of the time-table, but at least I can SEE how this is going to unfold. Before tonight, I wasn't sure the way I thought it should go would be the same as everyone else. Turns out, it is. Everybody cares about these kids.
SO - we have to wait till Saturday. That's going to make for one looooong Friday. And Saturday could be one of the biggest days EVER. We're both trying to play it down to each other, but we both have aknowledged the signifigance of it all.......
Saturday, I will probably be meeting my new son and daughter for the first time. How awesome is that statement? It's like Lori being pregnant with twins and being induced tomorrow. Except, that we already know a lot of the good and bad physical and emotional problems they have. It's not all good like every parent prays for. But it's not at all bad enough that you wouldn't thank God that these kids are exactly as they are. It's almost too much to put in to words. We hope that the kids love us and we are very concious that we shouldn't try too hard. We don't want to cry the happy tears for two hours and leave these kids wondering "Who are these freaks?" But wow. It's all set to go. The appointment is set.
Oh....the kids live in Elgin which is about an hour and a half away....near Austin. It just so happens that my family is having a family reunion on Saturday in Taylor - near Elgin and Austin. We had told CPS we would gladly cancel the family reunion for this. Turns out, the kids caseworker set our play-date for the McDonalds in Taylor, right next door to our family reunion! That's a coincidence that I will never be able to explain. Even Preston was a little awed by that little touch of God. Lori and I kind of look for signs that this is what we're supposed to be doing at this time and place. We've gotten them in big ways for the last eight months. This is just one more.
Of course after the phone call we went to eat and went to the dollar store and did some toy shopping. Coloring books, action figure, Matchbox car, little toy pony. I already know a little what they like and think they'll be more than happy. We've been able to peek behind the curtain and see some specific things they like (Star Wars and ponies).
I'm proud of us for making it here. I'm proud of our case-worker, Carey, for leading us to this point. I'm encouraged by the kids case-worker, Preston, for looking out for their best interest for so long. It sounds like a lesser worker might have lost these kids in the system once or twice. And, I'm proud of Bailey and Dalton. They've had to see and do and experience some things no kids should have to. They've had a really raw deal their whole lives. I hope and pray that we are the happy ending to that part of their lives and that they can start a whole new book with us. I'm confident that we'll all be successful at that.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
It's getting "Real"
I'm at a crossroads for this blog. I started it to have a place for me to write because it's one of my best coping methods. I write for me.....sometimes people read it. I'm to the point at this conversation that I NEED to write, but we're so close to the door to this that I don't want to say too much. So....I'm going to write and not post it. Once I can, I'll publish it.
Monday, we found out that we were submitted for "two boys - 5 and 6 years old". The caseworker for the boys wants us to meet them on Saturday. We had very little information on them. No problems......happy and healthy. Seems too good to be true, right?
kinda.
The kids aren't two boys - it's a 6 year old boy and a 5 year old girl. They are in therapy and have definite "problems". We requested some info and got the therapist's assessments. Nothing we can't handle. Some totally understandable problems that any kid their age would have after going through what they've been through.
Here's the twist - tonight was the first time I've heard my wife "worry" that we aren't equipped to handle this. So, tonight we had the first HARD conversation about this whole process that we've had. We've had "serious" discussions about all of this, but it's always been something that we were working towards. It was comfortably in the future.
Tonight was the first time, for my wife especially, that it's here. We're REALLY going to become parents soon. And not just to one kid. It appears it will be for TWO kids. And yesterday, it was better, for her, because it was two little boys. She has mother/daughter issues with her own mother. She is concerned that it will carry over.
She's scared. It's to be expected. She is focusing on the negatives of what this could bring instead of thinking about both. It's a little overwhelming for anyone to go from no kids to two kids in no time. To add some emotional problems and challenges with the kids is just piling on. We had to ask each other the tough questions and really consider if we were REALLY ready for this. We talked about how we each are going to change, how our daily lives will change forever. Some of that we're going to miss. A lot of it we're going to miss. But.....a lot we ARENT going to miss.
Bottom line is, I think we've worked out the doubts. We've never doubted that we're ready and these two kids would succeed in our home.....we just want to make sure we're being honest enough to give the kids AND us a fair chance. Without our marriage staying strong, there is no chance. I think Lori was a little annoyed that I was happy we were having an emotional conversation.
I'm uber excited. I'm scared too. But I don't have the doubt that Lori has always had. But, I watch Lori with other kids, especially my nieces and nephew. They IDOLIZE her. She handles them SO well and she doesn't even consider it "handling" them like a parent. She's just being her. She's an only child, so she doesn't think she'll know how to handle fights between the two kids. She knows how. She just doesn't know that she does. She does it all the time.
So....on Saturday, we're going to meet these two kids. At least that's the plan. We still need to talk to their case worker to find out exactly how its going to work. I think he's so connected to them that he wants to see how we interact. If things go well.....and I guess even if they don't....then in a couple of weeks, they're going to come here for an overnight visit.....then we'll see where it goes from there. The case worker wants to keep it slow. I'm all for that. But if I meet the kids, I want to make sure they eventually know that our intent is to keep them forever. I don't think it's fair to parade them in front of a bunch of people.
More later. I'm tired. Long day. Exciting. It keeps getting more. On Saturday, there is a better than good chance I will be meeting my eventual new son and daughter. It really is an overwhelming thought. Parents go a lifetime wishing they had a little boy and girl. We're just going about it a little differently.
I totally understand why Lori is scared. Any parent not scared shouldn't be a parent.
Monday, we found out that we were submitted for "two boys - 5 and 6 years old". The caseworker for the boys wants us to meet them on Saturday. We had very little information on them. No problems......happy and healthy. Seems too good to be true, right?
kinda.
The kids aren't two boys - it's a 6 year old boy and a 5 year old girl. They are in therapy and have definite "problems". We requested some info and got the therapist's assessments. Nothing we can't handle. Some totally understandable problems that any kid their age would have after going through what they've been through.
Here's the twist - tonight was the first time I've heard my wife "worry" that we aren't equipped to handle this. So, tonight we had the first HARD conversation about this whole process that we've had. We've had "serious" discussions about all of this, but it's always been something that we were working towards. It was comfortably in the future.
Tonight was the first time, for my wife especially, that it's here. We're REALLY going to become parents soon. And not just to one kid. It appears it will be for TWO kids. And yesterday, it was better, for her, because it was two little boys. She has mother/daughter issues with her own mother. She is concerned that it will carry over.
She's scared. It's to be expected. She is focusing on the negatives of what this could bring instead of thinking about both. It's a little overwhelming for anyone to go from no kids to two kids in no time. To add some emotional problems and challenges with the kids is just piling on. We had to ask each other the tough questions and really consider if we were REALLY ready for this. We talked about how we each are going to change, how our daily lives will change forever. Some of that we're going to miss. A lot of it we're going to miss. But.....a lot we ARENT going to miss.
Bottom line is, I think we've worked out the doubts. We've never doubted that we're ready and these two kids would succeed in our home.....we just want to make sure we're being honest enough to give the kids AND us a fair chance. Without our marriage staying strong, there is no chance. I think Lori was a little annoyed that I was happy we were having an emotional conversation.
I'm uber excited. I'm scared too. But I don't have the doubt that Lori has always had. But, I watch Lori with other kids, especially my nieces and nephew. They IDOLIZE her. She handles them SO well and she doesn't even consider it "handling" them like a parent. She's just being her. She's an only child, so she doesn't think she'll know how to handle fights between the two kids. She knows how. She just doesn't know that she does. She does it all the time.
So....on Saturday, we're going to meet these two kids. At least that's the plan. We still need to talk to their case worker to find out exactly how its going to work. I think he's so connected to them that he wants to see how we interact. If things go well.....and I guess even if they don't....then in a couple of weeks, they're going to come here for an overnight visit.....then we'll see where it goes from there. The case worker wants to keep it slow. I'm all for that. But if I meet the kids, I want to make sure they eventually know that our intent is to keep them forever. I don't think it's fair to parade them in front of a bunch of people.
More later. I'm tired. Long day. Exciting. It keeps getting more. On Saturday, there is a better than good chance I will be meeting my eventual new son and daughter. It really is an overwhelming thought. Parents go a lifetime wishing they had a little boy and girl. We're just going about it a little differently.
I totally understand why Lori is scared. Any parent not scared shouldn't be a parent.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)