A few days after finding out we didn't get the two year old girl - we're fine with it. Sometimes you think it and say it but you aren't really sure. But, we can honestly say we're sure. We found out she went to a bi-lingual family. We figured....we're happy about that.
Now, a few days later, we have a new case to consider. In fact, it's pretty much in our laps to decide on. We're excited - we really are. But, at the same time, it's not the perfect situation. Or, rather, it's not the situation we envisioned ourselves in at the beginning of this process. We know there are no perfect situations in this.
We were actaually presented with her case awhile ago and were told she was adopted. Turns out, that's not true. The family that was going to adopt her read her casefile and had some concerns about some stuff and backed out. She's 10 years old and......I'll just leave the details out for now.....since I'm not really supposed to talk about this at all. I'm just talking to myself really. She has Oppositional Defiance Disorder....in other words, she's a challenge. But, the therapist and caseworker all say that they don't understand how she was diagnosed with that. She hasn't shown signs in 2 years. She has brothers and sisters that are spread out around Central Texas. Sounds like she's the oldest and she was taking care of them for awhile.
My concerns are - if we adopt her, that may be it. No more. They want her to be an only child. She's older than we originally were going in for.....but we changed our minds throughout the process. We're both at or near 40 and a 10 year old will bridge the gap a little. But, if/when we commit, that's it. No more. That's tough to take. Maybe it will change....but we have to go into it with the mindset that this is it.
We're going to move forward with it I think.....Lori and I have done a lot of talking to this point and I think we both just want to talk to the caseworkers to find out WHY they picked US as a good fit for this little girl. Was there something about us? Or are we just available and we look nice? I think if they can give us a reason - any reason - other than "you look nice" then we'll be ready. Since neither Lori or I grew up in an oppositional/confrontational home, what makes them think we'd be good and handling a girl that is confrontational?
These are all concerns that we'd be concerned about ANY child. In the limited info that we have, there are some red flags. Sure there are. But there are also some white flags. Indications that some of the stuff in her file may just be a crappy family. Claims that may or may not have been true....parents that were struggling for survival and staying out of trouble maybe.......
Which means if we do decide - we're going to have some fun right off the bat. This girl has been through some crappy situations (a lot of which I'm not at liberty to talk about). I'm not sure her foster family is the "best fit". She likes sports. She likes roller coasters. She's supposed to have a sense of humor. Sound familiar? We'll be a Schlitterbahn/Sea World/Fiesta Texas whirlwind for the first few months. With discipline, of course....but we'll have fun.
A lot to think about. And....the scary thing is that it is very possible that we're talking days instead of weeks and months that this could be a reality. At least I think that's the plan.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
And......no.
Three hours later and the meeting is over.
The answer was a no. Shockingly, Lori and I are o.k. with it. I think our caseworker may be more upset and defeated than we are. I've stayed proud of my wife for how she's handling this process. It's a bigger picture than just us becoming parents. When it's our time, it will be our time.
Some good news out of the meeting - it sounds like our case worker knows our file inside and out now. She can talk about us better than our parents can. And, the case worker of the little girl was impressed by our homestudy. There was nothing negative that kept us from getting the child. So, I'm sure when another child comes available, we'll be in the back of her mind. It sounds like our case worker put up quite a fight for us.
So....back a step. But stronger because of it.
The answer was a no. Shockingly, Lori and I are o.k. with it. I think our caseworker may be more upset and defeated than we are. I've stayed proud of my wife for how she's handling this process. It's a bigger picture than just us becoming parents. When it's our time, it will be our time.
Some good news out of the meeting - it sounds like our case worker knows our file inside and out now. She can talk about us better than our parents can. And, the case worker of the little girl was impressed by our homestudy. There was nothing negative that kept us from getting the child. So, I'm sure when another child comes available, we'll be in the back of her mind. It sounds like our case worker put up quite a fight for us.
So....back a step. But stronger because of it.
I don't want to jinx it.
If you're reading this - don't overreact. At least, that's how we're trying to handle it here today.
We have achieved the "next step" in the adoption process. We've been selected as a finalist. Today - in less than an hour, there will be a room full of six people to talk about a little two year old girl. One of the people in the room is going to be our case worker representing us. There will be two other family's case workers, the little girl's case worker, and the foster mom and dad.
And - it's very possible that by three p.m. today, I'll know if I'll get the chance to be this little girl's dad. I don't have much information at all. I just know she's healthy and happy. I know her age, race, name.....and that's it. I usually know more about the child's background than I do hers....but that's o.k. Knowing too little is a good sign at this stage. That means there are no major red flags.
My case worker e-mailed me about her over a month ago and we didn't pay too much attention. She e-mailed the same day about 3 other kids with far bigger things to read about that Lori and I discussed in detail. We didn't discuss this little girl because there wasn't much to talk about. Two year old healthy happy girl? Sign us up. No brainer.
Then - poof - we hear about this meeting today. We went from nothing to this in five hours. And honestly, we're prepared for either way. Lori is still without a job and we figure that might be involved in the conversation today. But, financially, we're doing pretty good considering, with money set aside just for the fostering/adoption. If we don't get this little girl, there will only be a small amount of disappointment. If we do, I think we're ready for that too. Lori is home, I have two weeks of vacation saved up and it's the best time so far this year for me to take it.
If it does work out, we're anxious to see a picture, have a million questions, most of which we don't even know yet. It's funny because we just ran into a couple last night that was in our adoption class and we talked about the waiting and how difficult it was. Both couples admitted we're setting ourselves up for a year long wait. I made the joke that after all that talking, something was going to happen tomorrow. And here it is.
Anyway....for those that are following this blog, no news tonight or tomorrow will be bad news, but not real bad news. We're just happy that we've achieved another step in the whole process. We're still very aware that it's whats best for these kids and not really what we want at this point.
I know where the meeting is. It's taking everything for me NOT to get in the car and drive and sit in the parking lot and tackling my case worker on the way out. It's just a meeting that might affect the rest of my life. But then again....it may be just a meeting.
We have achieved the "next step" in the adoption process. We've been selected as a finalist. Today - in less than an hour, there will be a room full of six people to talk about a little two year old girl. One of the people in the room is going to be our case worker representing us. There will be two other family's case workers, the little girl's case worker, and the foster mom and dad.
And - it's very possible that by three p.m. today, I'll know if I'll get the chance to be this little girl's dad. I don't have much information at all. I just know she's healthy and happy. I know her age, race, name.....and that's it. I usually know more about the child's background than I do hers....but that's o.k. Knowing too little is a good sign at this stage. That means there are no major red flags.
My case worker e-mailed me about her over a month ago and we didn't pay too much attention. She e-mailed the same day about 3 other kids with far bigger things to read about that Lori and I discussed in detail. We didn't discuss this little girl because there wasn't much to talk about. Two year old healthy happy girl? Sign us up. No brainer.
Then - poof - we hear about this meeting today. We went from nothing to this in five hours. And honestly, we're prepared for either way. Lori is still without a job and we figure that might be involved in the conversation today. But, financially, we're doing pretty good considering, with money set aside just for the fostering/adoption. If we don't get this little girl, there will only be a small amount of disappointment. If we do, I think we're ready for that too. Lori is home, I have two weeks of vacation saved up and it's the best time so far this year for me to take it.
If it does work out, we're anxious to see a picture, have a million questions, most of which we don't even know yet. It's funny because we just ran into a couple last night that was in our adoption class and we talked about the waiting and how difficult it was. Both couples admitted we're setting ourselves up for a year long wait. I made the joke that after all that talking, something was going to happen tomorrow. And here it is.
Anyway....for those that are following this blog, no news tonight or tomorrow will be bad news, but not real bad news. We're just happy that we've achieved another step in the whole process. We're still very aware that it's whats best for these kids and not really what we want at this point.
I know where the meeting is. It's taking everything for me NOT to get in the car and drive and sit in the parking lot and tackling my case worker on the way out. It's just a meeting that might affect the rest of my life. But then again....it may be just a meeting.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
No News Is No News
It's been awhile since I last posted. A few have asked......but an update is due.
No news is no news.
Lori lost her job about 3 weeks ago. We're still being submitted for potential kids, but until we are "a finalist" we haven't really discussed what would happen. Lori needs to get a new job. We need to be able to buy all the things we need to buy when we get a new child in the house. We'd like to do it without going in to debt. We know we'll always do what we have to do.
We've also had our eyes opened for us a little wider the last month. The chances of us getting TWO children at the same time (brothers, sisters, one of each) is a real possibility. We always have the final say, but if we are picked, I'm not sure if we could say no. Our case worker has been really great and I still feel like she knows us and knows what we can and can't handle. We've only had one or two situations presented to us that we thought we might be in a little over our heads. But our case-worker kind of thought it, too. So, we're real lucky.
I won't say Mothers Day and Fathers Day was hard - it wasn't. But, I had more than one person each day ask me "how ya doing" on those days. Like I should be sad that I'm not a father on Father's Day. I guess talking about it made me a tad sad, but I'm still very excited. Hopefully that will be the LAST Father's Day without a child.
This weekend is July 4th, a big deal in our little town. I'm 39 years old and this will be my 40th July 4th parade in Downtown Belton. Never missed one. Not one. I love the small town part of it all. I can't wait to have my own kid(s) to take. But, I'm patient. I know it's going to happen sooner or later. I know it's going to be the most difficult but rewarding thing that's ever happened to me.
No news is no news. When there's more news, I'll report the news. :)
No news is no news.
Lori lost her job about 3 weeks ago. We're still being submitted for potential kids, but until we are "a finalist" we haven't really discussed what would happen. Lori needs to get a new job. We need to be able to buy all the things we need to buy when we get a new child in the house. We'd like to do it without going in to debt. We know we'll always do what we have to do.
We've also had our eyes opened for us a little wider the last month. The chances of us getting TWO children at the same time (brothers, sisters, one of each) is a real possibility. We always have the final say, but if we are picked, I'm not sure if we could say no. Our case worker has been really great and I still feel like she knows us and knows what we can and can't handle. We've only had one or two situations presented to us that we thought we might be in a little over our heads. But our case-worker kind of thought it, too. So, we're real lucky.
I won't say Mothers Day and Fathers Day was hard - it wasn't. But, I had more than one person each day ask me "how ya doing" on those days. Like I should be sad that I'm not a father on Father's Day. I guess talking about it made me a tad sad, but I'm still very excited. Hopefully that will be the LAST Father's Day without a child.
This weekend is July 4th, a big deal in our little town. I'm 39 years old and this will be my 40th July 4th parade in Downtown Belton. Never missed one. Not one. I love the small town part of it all. I can't wait to have my own kid(s) to take. But, I'm patient. I know it's going to happen sooner or later. I know it's going to be the most difficult but rewarding thing that's ever happened to me.
No news is no news. When there's more news, I'll report the news. :)
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Homestudy DONE!
We had our 5 o'clock meeting. Lori and I combed over our homestudy to make sure there was nothing in there that would make us seem like creepy people. We both think we're wonderful people with a great family and a great home. But, how would a stranger who just met us perceive us and our home and, most importantly, our ability to raise children?
Turns out - pretty darn well, actually. We were quite pleased with out we are perceived. Turns out, I'm a goof-ball and Lori is "serious." When compared to me, most people are serious and reserved. In social situations, Lori sits back and watches me goof in front of everybody. But, that makes for a good team it seems. There was nothing negative that I wouldn't want any parent, case-worker, or child to read. Our perceptions of ourselves are actually pretty accurate I think.
And....we're officially in the game. Our study has been sent to our first prospective child. Because of privacy issues, and the fact that nothing may turn out from this, I hesitate saying too much. But, our caseworker immediately thought of us when she got word that this child was available for adoption. And, to be honest, even though there are some serious issues that are to be overcome, we both agreed that this particular case suited us very well. Now, our file goes to the child's caseworker along with an undetermined amount of others. It could be 3, it could be 3000 other families that are submitted. Then, once we have been selected as a "finalist", new things happen. Until then, we go through this "Here's a kid....want us to submit you" process over and over.
It's just exciting that we're finally IN the game.
Turns out - pretty darn well, actually. We were quite pleased with out we are perceived. Turns out, I'm a goof-ball and Lori is "serious." When compared to me, most people are serious and reserved. In social situations, Lori sits back and watches me goof in front of everybody. But, that makes for a good team it seems. There was nothing negative that I wouldn't want any parent, case-worker, or child to read. Our perceptions of ourselves are actually pretty accurate I think.
And....we're officially in the game. Our study has been sent to our first prospective child. Because of privacy issues, and the fact that nothing may turn out from this, I hesitate saying too much. But, our caseworker immediately thought of us when she got word that this child was available for adoption. And, to be honest, even though there are some serious issues that are to be overcome, we both agreed that this particular case suited us very well. Now, our file goes to the child's caseworker along with an undetermined amount of others. It could be 3, it could be 3000 other families that are submitted. Then, once we have been selected as a "finalist", new things happen. Until then, we go through this "Here's a kid....want us to submit you" process over and over.
It's just exciting that we're finally IN the game.
......another step
Since we were licensed last week, we've had an appointment to go in to the office and actually read our home-study. That appointment has always been today at 5 pm.
We've been waiting for a couple of months to see what it says. Lori and I think we have the best possible environment for a child. Does a lady that has been doing this for 20 years agree? We're certain that there is nothing "bad" in our study. But I'm sure it's not as good as we perceive it to be. So, we'll go in with an open mind. We know we were licensed.....so nothing in there can be THAT bad.
And then today around 11 am, I got an e-mail from my case worker. She got a file of a little six year old boy and gave us the basic information. So, tonight, as soon as we give our o.k, our file will be in front of his caseworker as the potential "foster parents." The case is such that it will probably be an adoption situation. Because of privacy laws, I hesitate to say much more. He's in CPS custody for some good reasons and even without meeting him, he's got some emotional obstacles to overcome. If it all works out and he gets to stay with us, it's not going to be easy on any of us. But, as far as what we were expecting - to say that Lori and I aren't a little excited and haven't put a few horses before the cart would be silly.
We know this is just the first of possibly hundreds of case files that we'll see. But this is the first and this is a REAL kid that needs our REAL help. It was emotional reading his mini-file to see how he ended up where he is. I called Lori and she got even more emotional. We both caught ourselves quickly and realized we were both at work......and realistically, the chances are still small that we'll ever even meet this child.
But....things are happening. That's all I've wanted from this from the beginning. I write this stuff here to remind myself how much I'm looking forward to the steps that are to come as well as how much I've enjoyed the entire process up to this point.
Yesterday, I took a walk by myself in the woods. A 5 mile hike up and down some pretty rugged country. I took my GPS and did some geo-caching. I did it by myself on purpose. I was scouting to see if I could do it again with a child in tow. I've got such plans for things to come. And, I'm realistic enough to know, my plans may be all thrown to the side to meet whatever challenge we're faced with.
I'm almost glad we got this e-mail today and not last week or yesterday. Here I am again - so excited I don't think I could sleep.
We've been waiting for a couple of months to see what it says. Lori and I think we have the best possible environment for a child. Does a lady that has been doing this for 20 years agree? We're certain that there is nothing "bad" in our study. But I'm sure it's not as good as we perceive it to be. So, we'll go in with an open mind. We know we were licensed.....so nothing in there can be THAT bad.
And then today around 11 am, I got an e-mail from my case worker. She got a file of a little six year old boy and gave us the basic information. So, tonight, as soon as we give our o.k, our file will be in front of his caseworker as the potential "foster parents." The case is such that it will probably be an adoption situation. Because of privacy laws, I hesitate to say much more. He's in CPS custody for some good reasons and even without meeting him, he's got some emotional obstacles to overcome. If it all works out and he gets to stay with us, it's not going to be easy on any of us. But, as far as what we were expecting - to say that Lori and I aren't a little excited and haven't put a few horses before the cart would be silly.
We know this is just the first of possibly hundreds of case files that we'll see. But this is the first and this is a REAL kid that needs our REAL help. It was emotional reading his mini-file to see how he ended up where he is. I called Lori and she got even more emotional. We both caught ourselves quickly and realized we were both at work......and realistically, the chances are still small that we'll ever even meet this child.
But....things are happening. That's all I've wanted from this from the beginning. I write this stuff here to remind myself how much I'm looking forward to the steps that are to come as well as how much I've enjoyed the entire process up to this point.
Yesterday, I took a walk by myself in the woods. A 5 mile hike up and down some pretty rugged country. I took my GPS and did some geo-caching. I did it by myself on purpose. I was scouting to see if I could do it again with a child in tow. I've got such plans for things to come. And, I'm realistic enough to know, my plans may be all thrown to the side to meet whatever challenge we're faced with.
I'm almost glad we got this e-mail today and not last week or yesterday. Here I am again - so excited I don't think I could sleep.
Friday, May 15, 2009
2,632 steps down, 1,498 steps to go.
But - Today is a big step.
It took a lot longer than it should have, but we knew it was going to get done. Today, we officially became licensed. Well....I guess officially that happens on 5/19 when the supervisor signs the license, but our license is sitting on our case-worker's desk.
What does that mean?
Starting today, caseworkers across the state will start getting our file to look at to see if the kid(s) they have might be a good match for us. We are "in the system."
We are officially licensed to take any child between 0 - 10 years old. We have a preference of a boy between 3 and 6, but honestly, we're just ready to get the show on the road. It's been a five month road to this point....hopefully, it won't be much longer.
A little anti-climatic, but still an exciting day.
It took a lot longer than it should have, but we knew it was going to get done. Today, we officially became licensed. Well....I guess officially that happens on 5/19 when the supervisor signs the license, but our license is sitting on our case-worker's desk.
What does that mean?
Starting today, caseworkers across the state will start getting our file to look at to see if the kid(s) they have might be a good match for us. We are "in the system."
We are officially licensed to take any child between 0 - 10 years old. We have a preference of a boy between 3 and 6, but honestly, we're just ready to get the show on the road. It's been a five month road to this point....hopefully, it won't be much longer.
A little anti-climatic, but still an exciting day.
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