Monday was President's Day, so there was no class. However, since we all needed to take a CPR class, we had one organized and eight of us went and did it. It was fun. The lady that taught it did it in a custom built room off of her house. She was funny - Redneck Teachin' is what she called it. We enjoyed her stories and while she did everything by the book to make sure we were "legal" we didn't spend a lot of time gabbing about things that weren't really practical to our situation.
That out of the way, we pushed to get everything copied and put in our file. The last thing was done today - a copy of my dog's vet records. We think that's it. We're pretty much done till the end of class (as far as we know). It really wasn't that difficult. We're SO ready for the home-study now.
We have our big eight hour course this Saturday - Discipline and Behavior Problems. This is the one that nobody looks forward to. Then we have another class Monday night. Sexual Abuse. Another bummer topic. But - every step is a step forward. We're enjoying our classmates more and more. Something I didn't think would happen after the first couple of weeks.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
Class 5 - Strengthen Family Relationships
Tonight was a pretty good class. We seem to get smaller and smaller each week. There are 11 of us now. We're bonding a lot more and there are a lot more personal stories being shared. We raced through the agenda and a lot of the class was spent with a lot of stories of what people had been through.
Marlene, our co-instructor, has been invaluable I think. She has fostered so many children, when someone has a question, it usually ends with a "What did you do Marlene?" And to her credit, she usually had to deal with the topic we are talking about in some credit and always shares. And tonight she brought up obscure problems. Sort of a "something to consider that you may not think about...." type problems.
At one point tonight, we had to role-play. Our scenario was of a 15 year old girl named Michelle who had been molested by her mom's boyfriend and put in a foster home. She was being coaxed by her foster mom to go to a visit with the birthmom. We had to act out a scene. Lori played the mother. Of course, I played Michelle. I did a lot of eye rolling and "whatevah"'s. We did pretty good. Sometimes I worry that we're a little dominating in our group. I don't know if Tammy and John mind so much. But I worry.
Next week we're off and then the Saturday following that we have an 8 hour class on Discipline. I can't say I'm looking forward to it. But....one more step. In the meantime, we're going to try to do CPR class, I have to get tested for TB, and a couple of other paperwork visits. I have to take an online class on Medical Consent Training. I'm probably doing that right after I finish this entry.
Marlene, our co-instructor, has been invaluable I think. She has fostered so many children, when someone has a question, it usually ends with a "What did you do Marlene?" And to her credit, she usually had to deal with the topic we are talking about in some credit and always shares. And tonight she brought up obscure problems. Sort of a "something to consider that you may not think about...." type problems.
At one point tonight, we had to role-play. Our scenario was of a 15 year old girl named Michelle who had been molested by her mom's boyfriend and put in a foster home. She was being coaxed by her foster mom to go to a visit with the birthmom. We had to act out a scene. Lori played the mother. Of course, I played Michelle. I did a lot of eye rolling and "whatevah"'s. We did pretty good. Sometimes I worry that we're a little dominating in our group. I don't know if Tammy and John mind so much. But I worry.
Next week we're off and then the Saturday following that we have an 8 hour class on Discipline. I can't say I'm looking forward to it. But....one more step. In the meantime, we're going to try to do CPR class, I have to get tested for TB, and a couple of other paperwork visits. I have to take an online class on Medical Consent Training. I'm probably doing that right after I finish this entry.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
First round of inspections
Sunday night. I remembered that I forgot to talk about what happened this week. It was a few small steps, but with every step this is becoming more and more real. This week has been full of inspections and prep for what is to come.
Late last week, we had our Fire inspection. The assistant fire chief of Belton came by the house (cost me $25). He was looking for smoke detectors, fire extinguishers, etc. It was super easy. I had to buy a five pound fire extinguisher and the kid-proof plug covers for the whole house. The inspector asked me to get a working flashlight and first aid kit. I had them, but they stay in my truck mostly. So, as soon as he left, I went and bought them.
We had done some pre-prep for the health and safety inspection. We bought a big tool-box to keep all our medication in. We locked it up and put it on top of the refrigerator. We also bought a little plastic cabinet to keep out in the garage. We lock up all our cleaning supplies out there. No biggie, especially for me. I rarely use the stuff. That happened on Tuesday and we passed with flying colors. It was free. Took all of five minutes. Belton inspectors are like that.
Cary, our instructor, came over on Friday to do our first home visit. We gave her the tour but what we were really interested in was to talk to her about "our situation" and our wants and needs. Lori and I have a bit of frustration because we want concrete answers to our questions. I think Cary wants to give us those....but she knows she can't. When will we get a kid? She don't know! We know that....but we want her to know. We didn't know what to do with the empty room. Crib? Bed? Disco Ball? We're signed up for 0-7 years old. Anything is possible. All in all it was a nice visit. We have most of our paperwork. We're missing a few little things but it should be able to be taken care of with a few phonecalls and some doctors visits.
After Cary's visit, we decided to take a stand or two. We went furniture shopping all yesterday. The price of a kid's bed is freaking unreal. We paid quite a bit for our cool king sized bed and mattress that we will never outgrow. Some of the beds that we looked at were as much or MORE than our king sized bed. That ain't right. My brother and sister-in-law have one that my nephew outgrew. We went over to look at it this morning. It's nice. I'm all for it. But, give my wife an excuse to shop.....
We went to IKEA first thing this morning. We ended up with a nice twin bed frame ($140), mattress ($120), and night stand ($40). All that was less than most of the "cheap" frames we saw the day before. It's all white, which is why we went with it. It'll be easier to decorate later. And whatever child I get, I can't WAIT to go through IKEA and buy some of the kid stuff we saw. If our kid likes frogs, we're SET! We figured, if we have to get a crib, we'll get one quickly. We'll need the bed sooner or later anyway. Oh....and we drove 50 miles to IKEA and 50 miles back only to find out that we didn't buy the "slats" to put the mattress on. So another 100 mile round trip to buy $20 worth of slats. ARG!
So....we're about ready for the "REAL" home-study lady to show up and grill us. I think, through everything that we've been through and we think we're going to go through, that home-study is the biggest day. That'll help everyone determine what child we end up with. Like I said, every step is an exciting one. Having people come to the home to see it is important. So far, nobody has looked at us like we're crazy.
Late last week, we had our Fire inspection. The assistant fire chief of Belton came by the house (cost me $25). He was looking for smoke detectors, fire extinguishers, etc. It was super easy. I had to buy a five pound fire extinguisher and the kid-proof plug covers for the whole house. The inspector asked me to get a working flashlight and first aid kit. I had them, but they stay in my truck mostly. So, as soon as he left, I went and bought them.
We had done some pre-prep for the health and safety inspection. We bought a big tool-box to keep all our medication in. We locked it up and put it on top of the refrigerator. We also bought a little plastic cabinet to keep out in the garage. We lock up all our cleaning supplies out there. No biggie, especially for me. I rarely use the stuff.
Cary, our instructor, came over on Friday to do our first home visit. We gave her the tour but what we were really interested in was to talk to her about "our situation" and our wants and needs. Lori and I have a bit of frustration because we want concrete answers to our questions. I think Cary wants to give us those....but she knows she can't. When will we get a kid? She don't know! We know that....but we want her to know. We didn't know what to do with the empty room. Crib? Bed? Disco Ball? We're signed up for 0-7 years old. Anything is possible. All in all it was a nice visit. We have most of our paperwork. We're missing a few little things but it should be able to be taken care of with a few phonecalls and some doctors visits.
After Cary's visit, we decided to take a stand or two. We went furniture shopping all yesterday. The price of a kid's bed is freaking unreal. We paid quite a bit for our cool king sized bed and mattress that we will never outgrow. Some of the beds that we looked at were as much or MORE than our king sized bed. That ain't right. My brother and sister-in-law have one that my nephew outgrew. We went over to look at it this morning. It's nice. I'm all for it. But, give my wife an excuse to shop.....
We went to IKEA first thing this morning. We ended up with a nice twin bed frame ($140), mattress ($120), and night stand ($40). All that was less than most of the "cheap" frames we saw the day before. It's all white, which is why we went with it. It'll be easier to decorate later. And whatever child I get, I can't WAIT to go through IKEA and buy some of the kid stuff we saw. If our kid likes frogs, we're SET! We figured, if we have to get a crib, we'll get one quickly. We'll need the bed sooner or later anyway. Oh....and we drove 50 miles to IKEA and 50 miles back only to find out that we didn't buy the "slats" to put the mattress on. So another 100 mile round trip to buy $20 worth of slats. ARG!
So....we're about ready for the "REAL" home-study lady to show up and grill us. I think, through everything that we've been through and we think we're going to go through, that home-study is the biggest day. That'll help everyone determine what child we end up with. Like I said, every step is an exciting one. Having people come to the home to see it is important. So far, nobody has looked at us like we're crazy.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Class 4 - Loss
Just got home from adoption class. The class is really starting to open up and become more friendly with one another. I'm very happy about that. We're getting along better with the couple we sit with. One couple hasn't been to the last two classes and no one is sure if they've dropped out or not. More kids for me. ;)
Tonight's subject wasn't as difficult to deal with as I expected. We talked a lot about the grieving process and the stages of loss (shock and denial, bargaining, acting out anger, depression, and coping). This stimulated a bunch of conversation throughout the group and even caused some drama. We even had a loss of our own tonight.
Last week, we had a new member of our group. For the sake of fiction, we'll call her "Eve". Eve is an African American proclaimed missionary who (these were her claims) spends 60% of her time in church and is VERY religious. When discussing fostering children with different races and/or religions, she spoke up. She didn't want to foster a black child because she felt like she was never accepted into the black community. She couldn't offer a black child the "black experience". The other black families in the class took offense to that (and I think we all did a little). I thought it evoked some VERY good conversations about what a child could go through in a mixed race family.
For instance, we have said that we would adopt a white or hispanic child. In reality, if there were a black or asian (or other) child that needed us, I don't think we would be opposed. But the issue is how to help the child deal with the transition. We want a child that can emotionally, physically, AND culturly connect with our family. We aren't sure we want the child to have to explain to all his (or her) friends why mommy and daddy don't look the same as him (or her). It's not that big of a deal - but we are starting with our "ideal" and working our way out from there.
Anyway, "Eve" felt like the class wasn't supporting her and/or her beliefs. I think some of us were trying to support her. But, she left class in the middle. Our instructors handled it very well and spoke with her outside of the class during a break. I think most in our class were relieved that we could get back to talking about the subject and away from talking about religion and race. I thought her "peculiarness" brought up some subjects that wouldn't normally be brought up....but with the limited time we have each week, it was probably for the best.
My biggest concern was for the children she wants to adopt. She spoke about helping them cope with grief and loss through prayer and the church. Our instructor delicately (and expertly) explained that her missionary work and parenting a CPS child should be separate. I would have liked to have spoken to "Eve" about it more. But, she was a little confrontational and just wanted to be accepted. I'm not sure we had that much time.
Other than that, we got a lot accomplished tonight and everybody seems to be participating (well...at least 1 of each couple is participating...there are a couple of spouses that haven't said a word since they walked in a month ago).
We got fingerprinted and had our fire inspection today. I had to go get a flashlight (we already had one, but I figured we needed a new one) and a first aid kid (again....I've got one in my truck, but we're overachievers). Fire marshall was very nice and helpful. Tomorrow is the health inspection from the city. On Friday, our instructor (which may be our case worker) is going to do a home visit. I think Lori and I are very much looking forward to that. It's going to be informal, but our home is one of our "selling points" (if there is such a thing). We have tons of questions that just aren't appropriate for the classroom setting. Questions like - do we buy a bed? a crib? a sleeping bag? Do we paint the room? Get a dresser? Car seat? If we're fostering to adopt, could a child be placed with us instantly? How much of a heads up do we get? Is anything supplied for us?
Stuff like that. We finished our homework in class at the end today. I don't mind the homework - we've been doing it on Sunday nights. But, this gives us an opportunity to read more and discuss more. Too often Lori and I get focused on the homework and not what's really important. Each week we gain confidence and feel like we are in the right place at the right time. We hope that last
Tonight's subject wasn't as difficult to deal with as I expected. We talked a lot about the grieving process and the stages of loss (shock and denial, bargaining, acting out anger, depression, and coping). This stimulated a bunch of conversation throughout the group and even caused some drama. We even had a loss of our own tonight.
Last week, we had a new member of our group. For the sake of fiction, we'll call her "Eve". Eve is an African American proclaimed missionary who (these were her claims) spends 60% of her time in church and is VERY religious. When discussing fostering children with different races and/or religions, she spoke up. She didn't want to foster a black child because she felt like she was never accepted into the black community. She couldn't offer a black child the "black experience". The other black families in the class took offense to that (and I think we all did a little). I thought it evoked some VERY good conversations about what a child could go through in a mixed race family.
For instance, we have said that we would adopt a white or hispanic child. In reality, if there were a black or asian (or other) child that needed us, I don't think we would be opposed. But the issue is how to help the child deal with the transition. We want a child that can emotionally, physically, AND culturly connect with our family. We aren't sure we want the child to have to explain to all his (or her) friends why mommy and daddy don't look the same as him (or her). It's not that big of a deal - but we are starting with our "ideal" and working our way out from there.
Anyway, "Eve" felt like the class wasn't supporting her and/or her beliefs. I think some of us were trying to support her. But, she left class in the middle. Our instructors handled it very well and spoke with her outside of the class during a break. I think most in our class were relieved that we could get back to talking about the subject and away from talking about religion and race. I thought her "peculiarness" brought up some subjects that wouldn't normally be brought up....but with the limited time we have each week, it was probably for the best.
My biggest concern was for the children she wants to adopt. She spoke about helping them cope with grief and loss through prayer and the church. Our instructor delicately (and expertly) explained that her missionary work and parenting a CPS child should be separate. I would have liked to have spoken to "Eve" about it more. But, she was a little confrontational and just wanted to be accepted. I'm not sure we had that much time.
Other than that, we got a lot accomplished tonight and everybody seems to be participating (well...at least 1 of each couple is participating...there are a couple of spouses that haven't said a word since they walked in a month ago).
We got fingerprinted and had our fire inspection today. I had to go get a flashlight (we already had one, but I figured we needed a new one) and a first aid kid (again....I've got one in my truck, but we're overachievers). Fire marshall was very nice and helpful. Tomorrow is the health inspection from the city. On Friday, our instructor (which may be our case worker) is going to do a home visit. I think Lori and I are very much looking forward to that. It's going to be informal, but our home is one of our "selling points" (if there is such a thing). We have tons of questions that just aren't appropriate for the classroom setting. Questions like - do we buy a bed? a crib? a sleeping bag? Do we paint the room? Get a dresser? Car seat? If we're fostering to adopt, could a child be placed with us instantly? How much of a heads up do we get? Is anything supplied for us?
Stuff like that. We finished our homework in class at the end today. I don't mind the homework - we've been doing it on Sunday nights. But, this gives us an opportunity to read more and discuss more. Too often Lori and I get focused on the homework and not what's really important. Each week we gain confidence and feel like we are in the right place at the right time. We hope that last
Monday, January 26, 2009
Class 3 - Attachment
We didn't have class last week because of MLK day. So, it was tough getting back into the swing of things. There was a new person in class tonight and one couple didn't show. Lori thinks they might have dropped out. I hope not. I liked them. I think they were pushing for a newborn though.
So - tonight was the first night that we haven't come home excited after a class. It was just a rough subject. Talking about how the birthparents neglect and abuse their kids is very wearing. I'm sure it's a bit different once we get to talking about specific kids. I'm hoping the excitement of getting a kid in the door kind of tempers any ill will we'll have toward the birth parents. I think I'm well equipped. Lori? notsomuch. She wears her emotions on her face and sleeve. She can't hide what she feels EVER. She had a hard time in class doing the role playing when we had to play the part of the birth mother. She didn't really want to even participate. We talked about it a little but other factors in the class distracted us.
We got home to my inlaws in the middle of a big fight. That was probably the last thing we needed tonight. They can fight all they want. I'm just not sure I want to see it. I think it's getting more frequent. I dont' know if they're more comfortable around us that they think its o.k. for us to see.......or if they just can't keep it behind closed doors anymore. It upset Lori a little. It's the same thing she's been upset about for years. We talked about how that needs to be resolved if we bring a child in the house. Lori's mom is a lot like Lori. She can't really hide how she feels. That's fine for adults to deal with, but with a child, she can't just say what she wants because she's "earned that right." It's a conversation I'm not looking forward to having ever.....but I probably will have to at some point. Not a huge deal. I think they are both equipped better than 99% of prospective grandparents. I'm hoping they're discussing the same thing I'm typing about right now at this moment.
We got our paperwork concerning the health and fire inspections of our house. We'll probably be doing that this week or next. I have to get some odds and ends - safety plugs for all the outlets, a fire extinguisher, something to lock our medicines up with. I'm kind of looking forward to that part of it.
I feel like we're getting more and more ready as time goes on. It used to be that we'd talk about what would happen when we had a kid in the house and the story always included the "perfect baby" and how things would be perfect. We're beyond that now. Now, when we play out that little fantasy, the fictional child isnt exactly perfect anymore. We're preparing ourselves for what's to come. I think we've both come to realize that this is going to be way more intense than just being parents of a newborn. This is going to be trying to fit together pieces of a puzzle for a child that's had his pieces allllll jacked up. Our challenges are going to be different than the challenges of JUST being a new parent. We'll have to deal with that AND the challenges that the child is bringing from his or her past.
I'm still struggling internally with the foster or adopt part. I just want as much information before I meet the child. Fostering gives me very little. Adoption gives me everything. Lori hasn't really shared my concerns to this point. Luckily, we don't have to decide until way later.
Its been a long night. Next week's class is "Loss" I think. Not something to really look forward to. But....we'll trudge on through.
So - tonight was the first night that we haven't come home excited after a class. It was just a rough subject. Talking about how the birthparents neglect and abuse their kids is very wearing. I'm sure it's a bit different once we get to talking about specific kids. I'm hoping the excitement of getting a kid in the door kind of tempers any ill will we'll have toward the birth parents. I think I'm well equipped. Lori? notsomuch. She wears her emotions on her face and sleeve. She can't hide what she feels EVER. She had a hard time in class doing the role playing when we had to play the part of the birth mother. She didn't really want to even participate. We talked about it a little but other factors in the class distracted us.
We got home to my inlaws in the middle of a big fight. That was probably the last thing we needed tonight. They can fight all they want. I'm just not sure I want to see it. I think it's getting more frequent. I dont' know if they're more comfortable around us that they think its o.k. for us to see.......or if they just can't keep it behind closed doors anymore. It upset Lori a little. It's the same thing she's been upset about for years. We talked about how that needs to be resolved if we bring a child in the house. Lori's mom is a lot like Lori. She can't really hide how she feels. That's fine for adults to deal with, but with a child, she can't just say what she wants because she's "earned that right."
We got our paperwork concerning the health and fire inspections of our house. We'll probably be doing that this week or next. I have to get some odds and ends - safety plugs for all the outlets, a fire extinguisher, something to lock our medicines up with. I'm kind of looking forward to that part of it.
I feel like we're getting more and more ready as time goes on. It used to be that we'd talk about what would happen when we had a kid in the house and the story always included the "perfect baby" and how things would be perfect. We're beyond that now. Now, when we play out that little fantasy, the fictional child isnt exactly perfect anymore. We're preparing ourselves for what's to come. I think we've both come to realize that this is going to be way more intense than just being parents of a newborn. This is going to be trying to fit together pieces of a puzzle for a child that's had his pieces allllll jacked up. Our challenges are going to be different than the challenges of JUST being a new parent. We'll have to deal with that AND the challenges that the child is bringing from his or her past.
I'm still struggling internally with the foster or adopt part. I just want as much information before I meet the child. Fostering gives me very little. Adoption gives me everything. Lori hasn't really shared my concerns to this point. Luckily, we don't have to decide until way later.
Its been a long night. Next week's class is "Loss" I think. Not something to really look forward to. But....we'll trudge on through.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Class 2 - Teamwork
When we got home from class last night we were both tired. Lori's parents come over and "babysit" the dog while we are at class and when we get home, we get to give them the replay of class. I enjoyed this class SO much more than the first. We got to interact more with the other families and the information that we got was much more REAL (phone numbers, what assistance we are entitled to, etc) as opposed to "Adoption = Love" type emotional stuff.
One of the "Teamwork" activities put my puzzle solving abilities to work. We split up into two teams. Each team (8 people) had to stand on a blanket. The goal was to turn the blanket upside down without stepping off of it. The other team was in a circle and they took 3 minutes or so to do it their way. We started doing it that way...but after the first couple of seconds, I figured it out. I had them stand in a straight line on the blanket. Twisted one end and stepped onto the backwards part. Lady behind me did the same thing. We were done in 20 seconds. I don't think our teacher thought we did it right. So, we did it again. The goal was to show teamwork and I think we did. But more importantly, we broke a record. Wait. Maybe teamwork was more important.
During our break, we went across the street to get a drink and talked with another couple who has adopted 3 kids from "family" (they didn't want to say who exactly). This "family" just had another baby that they want to foster until he is 2 (for financial reasons) so they have to take the class. They know as much if not more than anybody in the class about adoption and fostering. Their journey to get where they are is fascinating. We quizzed the assistant teacher more on her fostering stories and got some good information.
The class itself isn't as interesting as being in the room with 10 other couples that are all anxiously awaiting a child in their house. I think our instructor understands that. Sometimes, I think she wants us to ask more questions and for the most part, this group is a little shy and doesn't want to talk. But, I think we did a lot better this time around than last time.
Next week is a holiday so there isn't another class for 2 weeks. Part of my homework is to list all the places I have lived since I was 18. That's 9 places. My parents, 3 apartments, then California, then with Mark, apartment with Lori, then our two houses. Out of those 9 places, I know four of the addresses. So....I get to research the dates and addresses for five places. Should be fun.
I've started working on the "Lifebook" and our "Family Album". Throughout the class, I have been struggling about if I should be just an "Adoption Only" or a "Adopt/Foster Legal Risk". The goal is to adopt. And if we only adopt, we are afraid we could be waiting for months and/or years to find the right match. It's not knowing how long it takes that makes us waiver. We have labeled ourselves "Adopt/Foster Legal Risk" to speed the process along. My wife is almost certain that the latter is what we need to do. After talking last night in class, I'm not so sure. I think the class is pushing for Foster parents. I think they have plenty of people that want to adopt. But, I think we are one of those "overachiever" families. I think, when this is all said and done, we have the perfect home, perfect situation, and perfect attitude that ALL CPS caseworkers would want to send their kids to. I asked if anyone had put their Family Albums online and the instructor didn't quite understand. I think an online album would be the BEST way to show a child about our family. It's quick, they won't lose it, and it can be updated easily. It's little ideas like that that make me think I have a better chance at this than most families that are going through the motions.
And if we foster a legal risk child, I think there are risk we haven't fully explored yet. We keep hearing that sometimes they have to place a child quickly. Lori and I would JUMP at the first opportunity. I know we would. We would tell ourselves "don't get too attached at first - we're just fostering. We don't HAVE to adopt the first kid that falls in our lap." But, really - I can't see either one of us parting ways after having a child stay with us for a couple of weeks. If we did, I think we both would be heartbroken beyond belief.
As we get closer to the end of class, we need to discuss it further. The good thing is, we don't have to decide for a long time.
One of the "Teamwork" activities put my puzzle solving abilities to work. We split up into two teams. Each team (8 people) had to stand on a blanket. The goal was to turn the blanket upside down without stepping off of it. The other team was in a circle and they took 3 minutes or so to do it their way. We started doing it that way...but after the first couple of seconds, I figured it out. I had them stand in a straight line on the blanket. Twisted one end and stepped onto the backwards part. Lady behind me did the same thing. We were done in 20 seconds. I don't think our teacher thought we did it right. So, we did it again. The goal was to show teamwork and I think we did. But more importantly, we broke a record. Wait. Maybe teamwork was more important.
During our break, we went across the street to get a drink and talked with another couple who has adopted 3 kids from "family" (they didn't want to say who exactly). This "family" just had another baby that they want to foster until he is 2 (for financial reasons) so they have to take the class. They know as much if not more than anybody in the class about adoption and fostering. Their journey to get where they are is fascinating. We quizzed the assistant teacher more on her fostering stories and got some good information.
The class itself isn't as interesting as being in the room with 10 other couples that are all anxiously awaiting a child in their house. I think our instructor understands that. Sometimes, I think she wants us to ask more questions and for the most part, this group is a little shy and doesn't want to talk. But, I think we did a lot better this time around than last time.
Next week is a holiday so there isn't another class for 2 weeks. Part of my homework is to list all the places I have lived since I was 18. That's 9 places. My parents, 3 apartments, then California, then with Mark, apartment with Lori, then our two houses. Out of those 9 places, I know four of the addresses. So....I get to research the dates and addresses for five places. Should be fun.
I've started working on the "Lifebook" and our "Family Album". Throughout the class, I have been struggling about if I should be just an "Adoption Only" or a "Adopt/Foster Legal Risk". The goal is to adopt. And if we only adopt, we are afraid we could be waiting for months and/or years to find the right match. It's not knowing how long it takes that makes us waiver. We have labeled ourselves "Adopt/Foster Legal Risk" to speed the process along. My wife is almost certain that the latter is what we need to do. After talking last night in class, I'm not so sure. I think the class is pushing for Foster parents. I think they have plenty of people that want to adopt. But, I think we are one of those "overachiever" families. I think, when this is all said and done, we have the perfect home, perfect situation, and perfect attitude that ALL CPS caseworkers would want to send their kids to. I asked if anyone had put their Family Albums online and the instructor didn't quite understand. I think an online album would be the BEST way to show a child about our family. It's quick, they won't lose it, and it can be updated easily. It's little ideas like that that make me think I have a better chance at this than most families that are going through the motions.
And if we foster a legal risk child, I think there are risk we haven't fully explored yet. We keep hearing that sometimes they have to place a child quickly. Lori and I would JUMP at the first opportunity. I know we would. We would tell ourselves "don't get too attached at first - we're just fostering. We don't HAVE to adopt the first kid that falls in our lap." But, really - I can't see either one of us parting ways after having a child stay with us for a couple of weeks. If we did, I think we both would be heartbroken beyond belief.
As we get closer to the end of class, we need to discuss it further. The good thing is, we don't have to decide for a long time.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Class 1 - Connections
Tonight we had our first PRIDE class. Including us there are 5 couples and a mother/daughter team (her husband is a soldier in Iraq). So, 12 of us total. Our teacher is the same lady we've been working with from the beginning, Cary, which is a good thing. The volunteer co-teacher is a lady who has fostered and adopted many children. I think her name is Marilynn or something like that. I like them both a lot.
Tonight's class was very much an "introduction" to what's to come. A lot of questions were answered with "We'll cover a lot more of that next time." We did some "getting to know you" games and a lot of expectations were set. I can't say I learned a lot, but I did get a lot out of it.
At one point we watched a video (from like 1980) about fostering/adopting. After it was over we discussed it. Marilynn conveyed a story about a baby she fostered for six years. She told how the baby overcame some early abuse and right before she was going to adopt him, a grandfather who never knew he had a grandson came out of nowhere and although she didn't have to, she gave him up. I spoke up and asked how hard that was. We all teared up when she talked about how hard it was. It hit home for all of us that this isn't just any kind of foster/adoption happy family process.
On the way out of the door I asked, "So I just pick up a kid at the front desk now?" Good thing they knew I was joking. So far so good. I'm really excited to get to the meat-and-potato part of this - the homestudy. I think that's where we will excell. I can't imagine any case worker coming into our home and with the exception of a couple of easily corrected baby-dangers (firepoker at the fireplace and some small odds and ends) we have the situation that is IDEAL in every way. I'm trying not to be cocky about it because I know some case worker could come in and knock me on my butt about it. But, I don't think it will happen.
I found out we'll have to make a "photo album" of us and our house and our situation and hobbies and family. That's right up my alley. They want it to "stand out" from the rest. No problem. Maybe I can figure out a way to add christmas lights and batteries.
One down - seven to go.
Tonight's class was very much an "introduction" to what's to come. A lot of questions were answered with "We'll cover a lot more of that next time." We did some "getting to know you" games and a lot of expectations were set. I can't say I learned a lot, but I did get a lot out of it.
At one point we watched a video (from like 1980) about fostering/adopting. After it was over we discussed it. Marilynn conveyed a story about a baby she fostered for six years. She told how the baby overcame some early abuse and right before she was going to adopt him, a grandfather who never knew he had a grandson came out of nowhere and although she didn't have to, she gave him up. I spoke up and asked how hard that was. We all teared up when she talked about how hard it was. It hit home for all of us that this isn't just any kind of foster/adoption happy family process.
On the way out of the door I asked, "So I just pick up a kid at the front desk now?" Good thing they knew I was joking. So far so good. I'm really excited to get to the meat-and-potato part of this - the homestudy. I think that's where we will excell. I can't imagine any case worker coming into our home and with the exception of a couple of easily corrected baby-dangers (firepoker at the fireplace and some small odds and ends) we have the situation that is IDEAL in every way. I'm trying not to be cocky about it because I know some case worker could come in and knock me on my butt about it. But, I don't think it will happen.
I found out we'll have to make a "photo album" of us and our house and our situation and hobbies and family. That's right up my alley. They want it to "stand out" from the rest. No problem. Maybe I can figure out a way to add christmas lights and batteries.
One down - seven to go.
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