So - tonight was the first night that we haven't come home excited after a class. It was just a rough subject. Talking about how the birthparents neglect and abuse their kids is very wearing. I'm sure it's a bit different once we get to talking about specific kids. I'm hoping the excitement of getting a kid in the door kind of tempers any ill will we'll have toward the birth parents. I think I'm well equipped. Lori? notsomuch. She wears her emotions on her face and sleeve. She can't hide what she feels EVER. She had a hard time in class doing the role playing when we had to play the part of the birth mother. She didn't really want to even participate. We talked about it a little but other factors in the class distracted us.
We got home to my inlaws in the middle of a big fight. That was probably the last thing we needed tonight. They can fight all they want. I'm just not sure I want to see it. I think it's getting more frequent. I dont' know if they're more comfortable around us that they think its o.k. for us to see.......or if they just can't keep it behind closed doors anymore. It upset Lori a little. It's the same thing she's been upset about for years. We talked about how that needs to be resolved if we bring a child in the house. Lori's mom is a lot like Lori. She can't really hide how she feels. That's fine for adults to deal with, but with a child, she can't just say what she wants because she's "earned that right."
We got our paperwork concerning the health and fire inspections of our house. We'll probably be doing that this week or next. I have to get some odds and ends - safety plugs for all the outlets, a fire extinguisher, something to lock our medicines up with. I'm kind of looking forward to that part of it.
I feel like we're getting more and more ready as time goes on. It used to be that we'd talk about what would happen when we had a kid in the house and the story always included the "perfect baby" and how things would be perfect. We're beyond that now. Now, when we play out that little fantasy, the fictional child isnt exactly perfect anymore. We're preparing ourselves for what's to come. I think we've both come to realize that this is going to be way more intense than just being parents of a newborn. This is going to be trying to fit together pieces of a puzzle for a child that's had his pieces allllll jacked up. Our challenges are going to be different than the challenges of JUST being a new parent. We'll have to deal with that AND the challenges that the child is bringing from his or her past.
I'm still struggling internally with the foster or adopt part. I just want as much information before I meet the child. Fostering gives me very little. Adoption gives me everything. Lori hasn't really shared my concerns to this point. Luckily, we don't have to decide until way later.
Its been a long night. Next week's class is "Loss" I think. Not something to really look forward to. But....we'll trudge on through.
2 comments:
ok question here. when they called about Cassie I was able to meet, discuss her case and meet her at the foster parents house for a bit before I had to make my decision. do they not say you can do that if you foster/adopt?
We're not sure. They are gearing our class towards "Foster Only" and most of the questions are answered from that perspective. With CPS, a lot of times, they pick a kid up from the hospital or police station and need to place that child ASAP. It sounds like a lot of time you just take them in and collect information over the next week or so. CPS knows little sometimes, and sometimes a birthfamily member comes forward and you only have the child for a short time.
But since we are going for "Foster/Adopt - legal risk" I think the court has to go through it's process to deem them "legal risk". So, I think we would be getting them from an existing foster home. It isn't totally clear. If we do get them from another foster home, we should have SOME info. If we are "Adopt Only" we absolutely will be getting a child from a foster home and will have FULL disclosure (or as much as CPS knows).
Like I said....we know what our ultimate goal is. We'll let CPS tell us the best way to accomplish OUR goal when we get to that deciding point.
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