Tonight's subject wasn't as difficult to deal with as I expected. We talked a lot about the grieving process and the stages of loss (shock and denial, bargaining, acting out anger, depression, and coping). This stimulated a bunch of conversation throughout the group and even caused some drama. We even had a loss of our own tonight.
Last week, we had a new member of our group. For the sake of fiction, we'll call her "Eve". Eve is an African American proclaimed missionary who (these were her claims) spends 60% of her time in church and is VERY religious. When discussing fostering children with different races and/or religions, she spoke up. She didn't want to foster a black child because she felt like she was never accepted into the black community. She couldn't offer a black child the "black experience". The other black families in the class took offense to that (and I think we all did a little). I thought it evoked some VERY good conversations about what a child could go through in a mixed race family.
For instance, we have said that we would adopt a white or hispanic child. In reality, if there were a black or asian (or other) child that needed us, I don't think we would be opposed. But the issue is how to help the child deal with the transition. We want a child that can emotionally, physically, AND culturly connect with our family. We aren't sure we want the child to have to explain to all his (or her) friends why mommy and daddy don't look the same as him (or her). It's not that big of a deal - but we are starting with our "ideal" and working our way out from there.
Anyway, "Eve" felt like the class wasn't supporting her and/or her beliefs. I think some of us were trying to support her. But, she left class in the middle. Our instructors handled it very well and spoke with her outside of the class during a break. I think most in our class were relieved that we could get back to talking about the subject and away from talking about religion and race. I thought her "peculiarness" brought up some subjects that wouldn't normally be brought up....but with the limited time we have each week, it was probably for the best.
My biggest concern was for the children she wants to adopt. She spoke about helping them cope with grief and loss through prayer and the church. Our instructor delicately (and expertly) explained that her missionary work and parenting a CPS child should be separate. I would have liked to have spoken to "Eve" about it more. But, she was a little confrontational and just wanted to be accepted. I'm not sure we had that much time.
Other than that, we got a lot accomplished tonight and everybody seems to be participating (well...at least 1 of each couple is participating...there are a couple of spouses that haven't said a word since they walked in a month ago).
We got fingerprinted and had our fire inspection today. I had to go get a flashlight (we already had one, but I figured we needed a new one) and a first aid kid (again....I've got one in my truck, but we're overachievers). Fire marshall was very nice and helpful. Tomorrow is the health inspection from the city. On Friday, our instructor (which may be our case worker) is going to do a home visit. I think Lori and I are very much looking forward to that. It's going to be informal, but our home is one of our "selling points" (if there is such a thing). We have tons of questions that just aren't appropriate for the classroom setting. Questions like - do we buy a bed? a crib? a sleeping bag? Do we paint the room? Get a dresser? Car seat? If we're fostering to adopt, could a child be placed with us instantly? How much of a heads up do we get? Is anything supplied for us?
Stuff like that. We finished our homework in class at the end today. I don't mind the homework - we've been doing it on Sunday nights. But, this gives us an opportunity to read more and discuss more. Too often Lori and I get focused on the homework and not what's really important. Each week we gain confidence and feel like we are in the right place at the right time. We hope that last
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