The Home Study

Sunday evening we got the call. It was the lady calling to do our home-study. In the world of adoption/fostering, this is THE APPOINTMENT. Neither Lori and I were too concerned about it, but we kept thinking we should be. I mean - it's important, right? But, we're ready.

We scheduled it for 4 pm so we could take off work early and be here. We were both home by 3 (overachievers) and opened some blinds, vacuumed the carpet, changed clothes......she arrived right on the dot at 4pm. Very nice lady named Crystal.

We got down to business right away. After initial introductions, she wanted to speak with one of us alone first. We chose Lori. I took the dog for a short walk. When I got back, I had some paperwork to fill out (there is a lot of that going on over and over). I sat out on the back porch with the dog while Lori finished her interview questions. The paperwork asked questions about my education, family, previous marriage, etc. Nothing too big. Nothing I haven't already fully disclosed already in this process.

When it was my turn to go in, Lori went out on the patio and filled out her part of the info. Most of the individual questions weren't so bad. Why do I want to foster/adopt? Many questions about my childhood. Am I close with my mom? Am I close with my dad? Am I close with my brother? Did they beat me? Did they fight? Did they drink? Did they molest me? Have I been arrested? Have I done drugs? What was my happiest and saddest memory as a child? What were my expectations of a child in my house? My childhood was a friggen Norman Rockwell painting. I'd go back and do it again if they'd let me. And I know most people wouldn't. It really wasn't hard saying nice things about myself, Lori, and my family. I almost felt guilty that I really didn't have much negative things to say.

Then, it was the dual interview. She didn't tell us, but during our conversation, it was evident that Lori and I were pretty much on the same page and had predicted how each other would answer some questions. So, the dual questionaire was a breeze. Most of the questions had to do with how we would handle discipline, rules, what our expectations were, etc. She also wanted to know how we got along as a couple. Again - I was feeling a little guilty that we don't fight. Our weakness as prospective adoptive parents is the fact that we've never been parents before. Our strength is that we chose to be foster/adoptive parents of a CPS child. We didn't have fertility issues that forced us in to this situation.

It really wasn't like an interview. She had done this for ten years and you could tell she knew exactly what info she needed, let us talk when we felt like we needed to expand on certain questions, then used that info for other questions as well. After a tour of the house to make sure we had all the "required" items in the house (and to compliment us on the color selections of our house) it was over.

Two hours, forty-five minutes. Not bad. To celebrate the completion, we went out to eat. When we were going through the steps to buy both of our houses, all momentus occasions were capped off with a trip out to eat. I figured this called for it.

I was expecting much more intrusive questions. I felt like I came across as a goody two-shoes. But, it's the truth. My previous mariage was discussed in detail. Mostly for the time spent with her kids....but also the story behind the breakup. I tell that story a lot (not near as much as I used to). But, I don't tell it in detail like I did today. It was strange to dig up all those details. Not bad, just strange.

Bottom line is we're ready to be parents. We're happy to be the cool aunt and uncle. But we're ready to be that AND parents now. I gave her my "Now we just go pick up our child tomorrow" joke on the way out the door. She seemed to appreciate it. Still - I'm not kidding. ;)