If you're reading this - don't overreact. At least, that's how we're trying to handle it here today.
We have achieved the "next step" in the adoption process. We've been selected as a finalist. Today - in less than an hour, there will be a room full of six people to talk about a little two year old girl. One of the people in the room is going to be our case worker representing us. There will be two other family's case workers, the little girl's case worker, and the foster mom and dad.
And - it's very possible that by three p.m. today, I'll know if I'll get the chance to be this little girl's dad. I don't have much information at all. I just know she's healthy and happy. I know her age, race, name.....and that's it. I usually know more about the child's background than I do hers....but that's o.k. Knowing too little is a good sign at this stage. That means there are no major red flags.
My case worker e-mailed me about her over a month ago and we didn't pay too much attention. She e-mailed the same day about 3 other kids with far bigger things to read about that Lori and I discussed in detail. We didn't discuss this little girl because there wasn't much to talk about. Two year old healthy happy girl? Sign us up. No brainer.
Then - poof - we hear about this meeting today. We went from nothing to this in five hours. And honestly, we're prepared for either way. Lori is still without a job and we figure that might be involved in the conversation today. But, financially, we're doing pretty good considering, with money set aside just for the fostering/adoption. If we don't get this little girl, there will only be a small amount of disappointment. If we do, I think we're ready for that too. Lori is home, I have two weeks of vacation saved up and it's the best time so far this year for me to take it.
If it does work out, we're anxious to see a picture, have a million questions, most of which we don't even know yet. It's funny because we just ran into a couple last night that was in our adoption class and we talked about the waiting and how difficult it was. Both couples admitted we're setting ourselves up for a year long wait. I made the joke that after all that talking, something was going to happen tomorrow. And here it is.
Anyway....for those that are following this blog, no news tonight or tomorrow will be bad news, but not real bad news. We're just happy that we've achieved another step in the whole process. We're still very aware that it's whats best for these kids and not really what we want at this point.
I know where the meeting is. It's taking everything for me NOT to get in the car and drive and sit in the parking lot and tackling my case worker on the way out. It's just a meeting that might affect the rest of my life. But then again....it may be just a meeting.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
No News Is No News
It's been awhile since I last posted. A few have asked......but an update is due.
No news is no news.
Lori lost her job about 3 weeks ago. We're still being submitted for potential kids, but until we are "a finalist" we haven't really discussed what would happen. Lori needs to get a new job. We need to be able to buy all the things we need to buy when we get a new child in the house. We'd like to do it without going in to debt. We know we'll always do what we have to do.
We've also had our eyes opened for us a little wider the last month. The chances of us getting TWO children at the same time (brothers, sisters, one of each) is a real possibility. We always have the final say, but if we are picked, I'm not sure if we could say no. Our case worker has been really great and I still feel like she knows us and knows what we can and can't handle. We've only had one or two situations presented to us that we thought we might be in a little over our heads. But our case-worker kind of thought it, too. So, we're real lucky.
I won't say Mothers Day and Fathers Day was hard - it wasn't. But, I had more than one person each day ask me "how ya doing" on those days. Like I should be sad that I'm not a father on Father's Day. I guess talking about it made me a tad sad, but I'm still very excited. Hopefully that will be the LAST Father's Day without a child.
This weekend is July 4th, a big deal in our little town. I'm 39 years old and this will be my 40th July 4th parade in Downtown Belton. Never missed one. Not one. I love the small town part of it all. I can't wait to have my own kid(s) to take. But, I'm patient. I know it's going to happen sooner or later. I know it's going to be the most difficult but rewarding thing that's ever happened to me.
No news is no news. When there's more news, I'll report the news. :)
No news is no news.
Lori lost her job about 3 weeks ago. We're still being submitted for potential kids, but until we are "a finalist" we haven't really discussed what would happen. Lori needs to get a new job. We need to be able to buy all the things we need to buy when we get a new child in the house. We'd like to do it without going in to debt. We know we'll always do what we have to do.
We've also had our eyes opened for us a little wider the last month. The chances of us getting TWO children at the same time (brothers, sisters, one of each) is a real possibility. We always have the final say, but if we are picked, I'm not sure if we could say no. Our case worker has been really great and I still feel like she knows us and knows what we can and can't handle. We've only had one or two situations presented to us that we thought we might be in a little over our heads. But our case-worker kind of thought it, too. So, we're real lucky.
I won't say Mothers Day and Fathers Day was hard - it wasn't. But, I had more than one person each day ask me "how ya doing" on those days. Like I should be sad that I'm not a father on Father's Day. I guess talking about it made me a tad sad, but I'm still very excited. Hopefully that will be the LAST Father's Day without a child.
This weekend is July 4th, a big deal in our little town. I'm 39 years old and this will be my 40th July 4th parade in Downtown Belton. Never missed one. Not one. I love the small town part of it all. I can't wait to have my own kid(s) to take. But, I'm patient. I know it's going to happen sooner or later. I know it's going to be the most difficult but rewarding thing that's ever happened to me.
No news is no news. When there's more news, I'll report the news. :)
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Homestudy DONE!
We had our 5 o'clock meeting. Lori and I combed over our homestudy to make sure there was nothing in there that would make us seem like creepy people. We both think we're wonderful people with a great family and a great home. But, how would a stranger who just met us perceive us and our home and, most importantly, our ability to raise children?
Turns out - pretty darn well, actually. We were quite pleased with out we are perceived. Turns out, I'm a goof-ball and Lori is "serious." When compared to me, most people are serious and reserved. In social situations, Lori sits back and watches me goof in front of everybody. But, that makes for a good team it seems. There was nothing negative that I wouldn't want any parent, case-worker, or child to read. Our perceptions of ourselves are actually pretty accurate I think.
And....we're officially in the game. Our study has been sent to our first prospective child. Because of privacy issues, and the fact that nothing may turn out from this, I hesitate saying too much. But, our caseworker immediately thought of us when she got word that this child was available for adoption. And, to be honest, even though there are some serious issues that are to be overcome, we both agreed that this particular case suited us very well. Now, our file goes to the child's caseworker along with an undetermined amount of others. It could be 3, it could be 3000 other families that are submitted. Then, once we have been selected as a "finalist", new things happen. Until then, we go through this "Here's a kid....want us to submit you" process over and over.
It's just exciting that we're finally IN the game.
Turns out - pretty darn well, actually. We were quite pleased with out we are perceived. Turns out, I'm a goof-ball and Lori is "serious." When compared to me, most people are serious and reserved. In social situations, Lori sits back and watches me goof in front of everybody. But, that makes for a good team it seems. There was nothing negative that I wouldn't want any parent, case-worker, or child to read. Our perceptions of ourselves are actually pretty accurate I think.
And....we're officially in the game. Our study has been sent to our first prospective child. Because of privacy issues, and the fact that nothing may turn out from this, I hesitate saying too much. But, our caseworker immediately thought of us when she got word that this child was available for adoption. And, to be honest, even though there are some serious issues that are to be overcome, we both agreed that this particular case suited us very well. Now, our file goes to the child's caseworker along with an undetermined amount of others. It could be 3, it could be 3000 other families that are submitted. Then, once we have been selected as a "finalist", new things happen. Until then, we go through this "Here's a kid....want us to submit you" process over and over.
It's just exciting that we're finally IN the game.
......another step
Since we were licensed last week, we've had an appointment to go in to the office and actually read our home-study. That appointment has always been today at 5 pm.
We've been waiting for a couple of months to see what it says. Lori and I think we have the best possible environment for a child. Does a lady that has been doing this for 20 years agree? We're certain that there is nothing "bad" in our study. But I'm sure it's not as good as we perceive it to be. So, we'll go in with an open mind. We know we were licensed.....so nothing in there can be THAT bad.
And then today around 11 am, I got an e-mail from my case worker. She got a file of a little six year old boy and gave us the basic information. So, tonight, as soon as we give our o.k, our file will be in front of his caseworker as the potential "foster parents." The case is such that it will probably be an adoption situation. Because of privacy laws, I hesitate to say much more. He's in CPS custody for some good reasons and even without meeting him, he's got some emotional obstacles to overcome. If it all works out and he gets to stay with us, it's not going to be easy on any of us. But, as far as what we were expecting - to say that Lori and I aren't a little excited and haven't put a few horses before the cart would be silly.
We know this is just the first of possibly hundreds of case files that we'll see. But this is the first and this is a REAL kid that needs our REAL help. It was emotional reading his mini-file to see how he ended up where he is. I called Lori and she got even more emotional. We both caught ourselves quickly and realized we were both at work......and realistically, the chances are still small that we'll ever even meet this child.
But....things are happening. That's all I've wanted from this from the beginning. I write this stuff here to remind myself how much I'm looking forward to the steps that are to come as well as how much I've enjoyed the entire process up to this point.
Yesterday, I took a walk by myself in the woods. A 5 mile hike up and down some pretty rugged country. I took my GPS and did some geo-caching. I did it by myself on purpose. I was scouting to see if I could do it again with a child in tow. I've got such plans for things to come. And, I'm realistic enough to know, my plans may be all thrown to the side to meet whatever challenge we're faced with.
I'm almost glad we got this e-mail today and not last week or yesterday. Here I am again - so excited I don't think I could sleep.
We've been waiting for a couple of months to see what it says. Lori and I think we have the best possible environment for a child. Does a lady that has been doing this for 20 years agree? We're certain that there is nothing "bad" in our study. But I'm sure it's not as good as we perceive it to be. So, we'll go in with an open mind. We know we were licensed.....so nothing in there can be THAT bad.
And then today around 11 am, I got an e-mail from my case worker. She got a file of a little six year old boy and gave us the basic information. So, tonight, as soon as we give our o.k, our file will be in front of his caseworker as the potential "foster parents." The case is such that it will probably be an adoption situation. Because of privacy laws, I hesitate to say much more. He's in CPS custody for some good reasons and even without meeting him, he's got some emotional obstacles to overcome. If it all works out and he gets to stay with us, it's not going to be easy on any of us. But, as far as what we were expecting - to say that Lori and I aren't a little excited and haven't put a few horses before the cart would be silly.
We know this is just the first of possibly hundreds of case files that we'll see. But this is the first and this is a REAL kid that needs our REAL help. It was emotional reading his mini-file to see how he ended up where he is. I called Lori and she got even more emotional. We both caught ourselves quickly and realized we were both at work......and realistically, the chances are still small that we'll ever even meet this child.
But....things are happening. That's all I've wanted from this from the beginning. I write this stuff here to remind myself how much I'm looking forward to the steps that are to come as well as how much I've enjoyed the entire process up to this point.
Yesterday, I took a walk by myself in the woods. A 5 mile hike up and down some pretty rugged country. I took my GPS and did some geo-caching. I did it by myself on purpose. I was scouting to see if I could do it again with a child in tow. I've got such plans for things to come. And, I'm realistic enough to know, my plans may be all thrown to the side to meet whatever challenge we're faced with.
I'm almost glad we got this e-mail today and not last week or yesterday. Here I am again - so excited I don't think I could sleep.
Friday, May 15, 2009
2,632 steps down, 1,498 steps to go.
But - Today is a big step.
It took a lot longer than it should have, but we knew it was going to get done. Today, we officially became licensed. Well....I guess officially that happens on 5/19 when the supervisor signs the license, but our license is sitting on our case-worker's desk.
What does that mean?
Starting today, caseworkers across the state will start getting our file to look at to see if the kid(s) they have might be a good match for us. We are "in the system."
We are officially licensed to take any child between 0 - 10 years old. We have a preference of a boy between 3 and 6, but honestly, we're just ready to get the show on the road. It's been a five month road to this point....hopefully, it won't be much longer.
A little anti-climatic, but still an exciting day.
It took a lot longer than it should have, but we knew it was going to get done. Today, we officially became licensed. Well....I guess officially that happens on 5/19 when the supervisor signs the license, but our license is sitting on our case-worker's desk.
What does that mean?
Starting today, caseworkers across the state will start getting our file to look at to see if the kid(s) they have might be a good match for us. We are "in the system."
We are officially licensed to take any child between 0 - 10 years old. We have a preference of a boy between 3 and 6, but honestly, we're just ready to get the show on the road. It's been a five month road to this point....hopefully, it won't be much longer.
A little anti-climatic, but still an exciting day.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Small Victories
It's been almost two months since I've had an update. It's been a little frustrating over those two months, but honestly not much has happened.
Today, we met with our case worker and she told us that they are still waiting for the company that contracts out the homestudies to send in ours to the state. The lady that did the homestudy over two months ago sent it in three days after she was here. Nobody is sure what the problem is after that. Vacations, approvals, etc. etc. There is really no person to get mad at, call, write.....we just have to be patient. Turns out, nobody from our class is lisenced yet. I feel bad for everybody - not just us. Everybody was so eager and excited when class was over. I know we're still excited.
We did take one class last month that lasted a couple of hours. It was "How to Administer Psycothropic Medication." Every foster parent within e-mail range showed up to our little classroom and it was standing room only. A nurse from CPS did a pretty good job explaining why these kids are on so many medications and it was our responsibility to make sure they should actually be on all of them. Many times, it's a lazy decision to throw another pill on the problem.
But, other than that, there's no news on the western front. Work has been very stressful for Lori and I both. The good news with that is I think we've both made it through a rough patch and we're ready for whatever comes in the summer months.
The quiet two months have us going through fantasy scenerios - Day one - Ikea and Inner Space Caverns (gotta do something fun on day one). Day two - Summer Fun Water Park (We want the kid to like us). Day three - the Zoo (one of my favorite places). Actually....we'll probably space that out over a few weeks. But, we both have places we want to experience with a kid in tow. Two 40-year olds at Summer Fun Water Park is creepy. Throw a kid in and nobody would even notice. We have big plans.....as much as our budget allows us. Even if it's just a short time foster kid, we're looking forward to it.
We went to the Dallas Renaissaince (sp?) Festival last weekend with my brother and his family. Hanging out for the day with three kids wasn't as eye opening as we thought. We're ready. On the way there, Mackenzie, the 4 year old, realized we were getting close and figured out that this looked like something that was going to be fun. I got two comments on the way in - "Uncle Steve - You're a good driver." and "Uncle Steve - You're a good singer" (I was singing along to the radio being goofy). Then, when she wanted to ride the swings and nobody would go with her, I volunteered.
Then I got the compliment that I've been waiting for since she was born. Holding my hand, just the two of us, on the way to the swings, out of earshot of everybody else she gave me:
"Uncle Steve - You're awesome."
We swang until my arms fell off.
Today, we met with our case worker and she told us that they are still waiting for the company that contracts out the homestudies to send in ours to the state. The lady that did the homestudy over two months ago sent it in three days after she was here. Nobody is sure what the problem is after that. Vacations, approvals, etc. etc. There is really no person to get mad at, call, write.....we just have to be patient. Turns out, nobody from our class is lisenced yet. I feel bad for everybody - not just us. Everybody was so eager and excited when class was over. I know we're still excited.
We did take one class last month that lasted a couple of hours. It was "How to Administer Psycothropic Medication." Every foster parent within e-mail range showed up to our little classroom and it was standing room only. A nurse from CPS did a pretty good job explaining why these kids are on so many medications and it was our responsibility to make sure they should actually be on all of them. Many times, it's a lazy decision to throw another pill on the problem.
But, other than that, there's no news on the western front. Work has been very stressful for Lori and I both. The good news with that is I think we've both made it through a rough patch and we're ready for whatever comes in the summer months.
The quiet two months have us going through fantasy scenerios - Day one - Ikea and Inner Space Caverns (gotta do something fun on day one). Day two - Summer Fun Water Park (We want the kid to like us). Day three - the Zoo (one of my favorite places). Actually....we'll probably space that out over a few weeks. But, we both have places we want to experience with a kid in tow. Two 40-year olds at Summer Fun Water Park is creepy. Throw a kid in and nobody would even notice. We have big plans.....as much as our budget allows us. Even if it's just a short time foster kid, we're looking forward to it.
We went to the Dallas Renaissaince (sp?) Festival last weekend with my brother and his family. Hanging out for the day with three kids wasn't as eye opening as we thought. We're ready. On the way there, Mackenzie, the 4 year old, realized we were getting close and figured out that this looked like something that was going to be fun. I got two comments on the way in - "Uncle Steve - You're a good driver." and "Uncle Steve - You're a good singer" (I was singing along to the radio being goofy). Then, when she wanted to ride the swings and nobody would go with her, I volunteered.
Then I got the compliment that I've been waiting for since she was born. Holding my hand, just the two of us, on the way to the swings, out of earshot of everybody else she gave me:
"Uncle Steve - You're awesome."
We swang until my arms fell off.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
And the classes are DONE!
Last night's class was the end of Step 1. Feels like it was more than just one step, but our last class introduced us to what's about to come.....and to be honest, it feels like we're standing on the beach waiting for the hurricane to hit.
Last night was Panel Night and about seven different people came to speak to us that we may or may not be involved in over the next few years. One of our classmates is a manager at Chili's and he brought all kind of food. We (along with another couple) brought enough drinks to float a boat. Our class really came together to throw a party.
First up was a CPS Investigator. He explained what he did and how he would interact with us. His job sounds very stressful. The thing we got the most out of his presentation is that we should be prepared for anything. The whole story doesn't always show up on day one. A lot of couples were concerned because, like us, they have a bed and are set up for a 3-10 year old. But, a lot of us are being licensed for 0-7. He said that as "foster" parents, he may have to place a baby with little to no notice and if we didn't have a car-seat, crib, diapers, etc, he wouldn't leave the child there. We freaked out a little until we remembered - We're going to foster "legal risk" so we'll have a couple of days warning. No matter, we can make due in 30 minutes with a quick trip to Wal-Mart. The investigator seemed like he was really helpful when he dropped off children. But, I'm sure when he's dropping a newborn off at 3 am, he just wants to get home. He was a good introduction to who we were going to be talking to the rest of the night.
Then we talked to a lady from CASA - a volunteer organization that acts as an advocate for the foster kids throughout their experience. They aren't affiliated with CPS, but almost act as a watchdog group over CPS and the foster parents to make sure everybody is playing together nicely. They also show up for court dates. The toughest thing for us was figuring out how each of these panel members would fit in to OUR situation. It was easy to see how they helped with emergency foster sitations.
Next up was a lady from Early Childhood Assistance. Any child under age 3 qualifies for a bunch of free stuff - cereal, food, formula....I'm sure the list goes on. I was concentrating on my mini-burger and cheesecake at that point.
Then we talked to a lady from Conservatorship. She is the liason between the foster families and the birth families. She works out the visitation schedules and makes sure the kids are well taken care of.
Then we talked to someone from Adoption Placement. Once a child has been determined "adoptable", she gets them and helps in the adjustment. She didn't have any contact with birthparents and deals with foster and adoptive families only. If I was on the panel, I think I wanted her job out of all of them. They all seem incredibly stressful, but her's had some happy endings.
Last, we talked to a lady about the paperwork at adoption. A lot of people had questions for her. Turns out, there is a chance that we could get adoption subsidies. That was something we had never heard before.
We found out at the end of class that we're not done yet. We have to read some stuff and take a quiz on AIDS. Then, we have to take a 45 minute class at the end of this month on Psycotropic Medications. Since most, if not all, of the kids are ADHD, we'll probably be dealing with that.
We spent a long time saying goodbye to everyone and we exchanged phone numbers and e-mail addresses so we can all keep in touch with what everybody ends up with when it's all said and done. I don't know how successful we'll be at staying in touch, but I hope we stay in touch with a couple of the couples.
So.....just like that - it's done. No more PRIDE classes. I'll miss Merlene, our co-trainer. And I made sure she knew it, too. Lori and I will probably have her over. At least I hope so.
What's up next? Well....we have to wait for the state of California to do the background check on me. Good news is they cashed the check today. Then we have to take a couple more training classes. Then we have to wait for our homestudy to get approved. I'm excited about that. Carey said we could read it when it came in. I'm anxious to see how we're presented. THEN - we'll be licensed.
Licensed means we wait some more. But, like I've been saying from day one - I'm as excited today as I was when this all started. It's a strange excitement though. I'm not real sure what I'm excited for. I guess it's just standing on the edge, awaiting the unknown. Knowing that we have no idea what's coming. But, now we feel like we're trained well enough to know who to call when we don't know what we're doing.
So far so good.....Updates as things happen.
Last night was Panel Night and about seven different people came to speak to us that we may or may not be involved in over the next few years. One of our classmates is a manager at Chili's and he brought all kind of food. We (along with another couple) brought enough drinks to float a boat. Our class really came together to throw a party.
First up was a CPS Investigator. He explained what he did and how he would interact with us. His job sounds very stressful. The thing we got the most out of his presentation is that we should be prepared for anything. The whole story doesn't always show up on day one. A lot of couples were concerned because, like us, they have a bed and are set up for a 3-10 year old. But, a lot of us are being licensed for 0-7. He said that as "foster" parents, he may have to place a baby with little to no notice and if we didn't have a car-seat, crib, diapers, etc, he wouldn't leave the child there. We freaked out a little until we remembered - We're going to foster "legal risk" so we'll have a couple of days warning. No matter, we can make due in 30 minutes with a quick trip to Wal-Mart. The investigator seemed like he was really helpful when he dropped off children. But, I'm sure when he's dropping a newborn off at 3 am, he just wants to get home. He was a good introduction to who we were going to be talking to the rest of the night.
Then we talked to a lady from CASA - a volunteer organization that acts as an advocate for the foster kids throughout their experience. They aren't affiliated with CPS, but almost act as a watchdog group over CPS and the foster parents to make sure everybody is playing together nicely. They also show up for court dates. The toughest thing for us was figuring out how each of these panel members would fit in to OUR situation. It was easy to see how they helped with emergency foster sitations.
Next up was a lady from Early Childhood Assistance. Any child under age 3 qualifies for a bunch of free stuff - cereal, food, formula....I'm sure the list goes on. I was concentrating on my mini-burger and cheesecake at that point.
Then we talked to a lady from Conservatorship. She is the liason between the foster families and the birth families. She works out the visitation schedules and makes sure the kids are well taken care of.
Then we talked to someone from Adoption Placement. Once a child has been determined "adoptable", she gets them and helps in the adjustment. She didn't have any contact with birthparents and deals with foster and adoptive families only. If I was on the panel, I think I wanted her job out of all of them. They all seem incredibly stressful, but her's had some happy endings.
Last, we talked to a lady about the paperwork at adoption. A lot of people had questions for her. Turns out, there is a chance that we could get adoption subsidies. That was something we had never heard before.
We found out at the end of class that we're not done yet. We have to read some stuff and take a quiz on AIDS. Then, we have to take a 45 minute class at the end of this month on Psycotropic Medications. Since most, if not all, of the kids are ADHD, we'll probably be dealing with that.
We spent a long time saying goodbye to everyone and we exchanged phone numbers and e-mail addresses so we can all keep in touch with what everybody ends up with when it's all said and done. I don't know how successful we'll be at staying in touch, but I hope we stay in touch with a couple of the couples.
So.....just like that - it's done. No more PRIDE classes. I'll miss Merlene, our co-trainer. And I made sure she knew it, too. Lori and I will probably have her over. At least I hope so.
What's up next? Well....we have to wait for the state of California to do the background check on me. Good news is they cashed the check today. Then we have to take a couple more training classes. Then we have to wait for our homestudy to get approved. I'm excited about that. Carey said we could read it when it came in. I'm anxious to see how we're presented. THEN - we'll be licensed.
Licensed means we wait some more. But, like I've been saying from day one - I'm as excited today as I was when this all started. It's a strange excitement though. I'm not real sure what I'm excited for. I guess it's just standing on the edge, awaiting the unknown. Knowing that we have no idea what's coming. But, now we feel like we're trained well enough to know who to call when we don't know what we're doing.
So far so good.....Updates as things happen.
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