Ten Months Later......

I really need to spend more time here.  Our one year anniversary of adopting the kids is coming up and I have blogged a total of ONE time.  And it was a really bad day.  We're not the same family (again) that we were back then.  Wow.  How much we've changed.  We're still dealing with some of the same issues.  But, we're so much more efficient at dealing with them.  Let's see how far I can get before I tire out or some distraction makes me cut this short:

Dalton - My big 3rd grader.  When we left off, Dalton was in the mental ward of a local hospital.  For three days, the doctors there looked down their noses at Lori and I for even considering putting such a sweet, innocent boy in such a horrible place.  My response to them was - be patient.  Wait until he gets bored and doesn't get what he wants.  My time limit was 3 days.  Right on cue - Dalton put on a show.  He had to get "the shot" to knock him out.  That's something reserved for people WAY out of control.  Dalton has that kind of reaction.  Today, yesterday - maybe forever.  In the same way soldiers returning from Iraq have Post Tramatic Stress Disorder, Dalton has the same thing.  If he feels slighted or doesn't get his way, his coping skills are not there.  He knows hundreds of them - he just doesn't use them.  Dalton spent about two weeks in the hospital before he realized that home was a better place to be.  Armed with new techniques and more coping skills, they let him go.

His classmates cheered when they saw him.  That was a great moment.  Dalton is socially awkward, but he's liked by all his classmates when he isn't annoying them or beating their faces in.  It's amazing how forgiving children can be sometimes.  I'm sure I'll be amazed soon at how unforgiving they can be, too.  He struggled his way through second grade but his teachers were undercover superheroes who I've attempted to adopt as well.  Towards the end of the year, it was becoming apparent that Dalton was not getting what he needed to get out of school.  He was spending more time in "In School Suspension" or in the office than he was in class.  That being said, he got mostly all A's and B's.  There might have been a C sprinkled in there for math.  He's smart enough to memorize things the first time he sees them (if he wants to).  So, he caught up quick.  He had a hard time retaining things though.  In the end, we met with a flurry of educators, therapist, etc. and we decided that Dalton needed more help than our awesome local elementary school could give him.  We decided to send him to another school about 5 miles away where they had a special program for kids like Dalton.  The program was called AIMS and we hated to split Dalton and Bailey up, but we felt like it was best for Dalton.  He was leaving class and going into Bailey's room to give her a hug, screaming at the teachers trying to stop them.  Embarrassing Bailey the whole time.

Fast forward through summer (we'll get to some of that later).  Dalton has adjusted quite nicely to his new school and new program.  I forget he's had to meet new people several times in his life.  He's practically a professional at it.  He charmed the pants off of everyone the first day.  Just like at the hospital, we got the questions - "Why is he here?". It took about three weeks before he decided to test out the new system.  He threw a fit in class and the AIMS teacher came and got him and he got to work it out one on one with someone else.  No office.  No consequences.  They're still trying to figure out Dalton, but 90% of the time, he's the most entertaining and charming kid in the school.  It's that 10% you gotta watch out for.

So - Dalton is still Dalton.  He's gotten WAY bigger in ten months.  Mostly because of the medication that he is on now.  A lot because Dalton has no self control.  If I let him, he'd eat until he was sick. At school he gets 3 milks and 2 entrees because nobody tells him he can't.  He sneaks to breakfast at school after we feed him at home.  It's not because he's hungry.  It's because it's an option that he's got to check off his list or he's trying to see what will happen. Those are two Dalton-traits that have been consistent.  He's in therapy every two weeks.  Therapy is not something I look forward to for him.  He usually has issues the night after therapy and we spend the next two weeks building him up.  Then the cycle starts again.  His new school has given him more time in the classroom.  A couple of A's and the rest B's by the skin of his teeth.  But I'll take it however I can get it.

He's come a long way in 10 months.  He's not out of the woods by any means.  He's still capable of throwing a monster fit and is strong enough now to injure me if he really wanted to.  But - he reserves his fits for special times.  I wish I knew what those special times were - but they aren't every night like they used to be.  I can see the light at the end of his tunnel.  It's just a very long tunnel.  Dalton is all boy and he's a warrior.  Every day he surprises me with what he can be. 

Bailey - Lori and I have developed a private saying.  "Dalton is our hope.  Bailey is our sunshine."  She is by no means a perfect girl.....but she is perfect.  I mean, she has been through the same things as Dalton growing up, but her coping skills makes seasoned Marines seek advice.  She aced first grade like it was inconvenient.  She had her teacher wrapped around her finger like she hired her as her own personal nanny.  She came home every day with her hair in a different kind of braid.  "My teacher did it."  Bailey was like her own personal barbie doll.

At one point this summer, Bailey had six boyfriends.  I can't keep track.  Currently, all those boyfriends are on hold for some cutie named Scottie.  Even Justin Bieber is on hold for Scottie.  I'm keeping my distance.  Summertime day-care, Bailey learned the art of being "sassy."  Sometimes I feel like there is a sixteen year old teen who's possessed my daughter with a bad attitude.  It's something that doesn't make me look forward to the year 2019.  But, when bribed correctly, Bailey knows how to be perfect.

She's in the second grade now and the first six weeks were a little rough.  Oh - she got all A's with no problem.  Her problem is her sass.  She also hasn't learned how to control her teacher like she did last year.  Well....maybe now she has...but it took her six weeks.  Her teacher starts them out on Monday with 20 points.  Every time they misbehave, she takes away a point.  On Friday, if you have 15 points or less, you don't get to do Art.  Bailey hasn't ever even gotten CLOSE.  She averages about 5 points off a day.  So, in a bout of frustration, I told Bailey that if she could go an entire week with NO ponts off, I'd throw her a party.  A big cake, ice cream, balloons, present, noisemaker party.  Five days later, I've got to go buy a cake, ice cream, balloons, present, and noisemakers.  The little stinker PLAYED me like a violin.  Five days in a row and no points off.  What I thought was impossible, she did instantly.  Dalton has the same kind of deal - but he didn't come close this week.  He's invited to the party, so maybe that will motivate him a little.

The Parents - We've settled into the roll of parents quite nicely I think.  Both of our jobs are forgiving enough to let us deal with what we have to deal with.  Work has had it's challenges but for the most part, it's been drama free.  We work well as a team.  We have more disagreements about what to do in "the moment" but when the moment is over, one of us knows the other was correct and we apologize or we were both correct.  Rarely do we have disagreements that end up in a stalemate.  It happens but Lori doesn't always have to recognize that I'm correct.  HA!

Everything else - We scheduled a summer vacation to Galveston.  We had done the same thing last year and wanted the kids to have something to look forward to that wasn't a surprise or new experience.  We did, however, throw them plenty of curves that made it new.  We started by going to Houston to the Museum of Natural Science and the butterfly house.  While seeing dinosaur bones was cool and all, the show was the butterflies.  Dalton, not following rules as usual, tired of waiting for one to land on him so he just grabbed one and put in on his finger and alerted the whole place.  Bailey was raging jealously.  I patiently helped her for a looooong time until we got a pretty black and pink butterfly to become her finger companion.  Dalton was even cheering for her.  The butterfly wouldn't leave and we were stuck there for an hour.  It was truly a glorious day.  We stayed in a fancy hotel (Galleria Hilton) and they had a shuttle to the Galleria and we ate at the Rainforest Cafe and got Build-a-Bears.  Again, it was everything a hallmark card was made of.  The next day we got up, traveled another hour to Galveston and had a perfect day on the beach.  Day 3 was the big surprise for the kids.  Lori had wrangled free tickets to Schlitterbahn and we had a BLAST.  Dalton made me proud by riding the real scary waterslides.  Bailey, my little daredevil, did anything and everything.  A perfect day.  One the way home, we stopped in Kemah for lunch at the Aquarium restaurant and rode the rides at the boardwalk on Clear Lake.  The kids rode their first REAL rollercoaster ever.  Dalton had to be coaxed and Bailey had to be coaxed off.  The photo I have of them on the ride is my favorite of all time.  It was capped of by a Dalton temper tantrum in the middle of Houston traffic that almost ended in the demise of the Peters family.....but we survived with our fingers and toes in-tact.  Overall, a huge success.  We'll do  it again next year.

Other than that, every day is a routine.  Every day is new and exciting and heartbreaking and challenging and easy and complicated and simple and busy and boring and fun.  I don't blog much because I'm too busy with life.  That and Facebook.  It's all on facebook in little details. 

I'll try to get back on my writing horse.  In ten months I'll write another novel.  Or sooner.

Tough Decisions

Wow.  I'm about as emotionally drained as a human being can be I think.  I keep telling myself - "It's for the best."  Lori has a sense of relief that I haven't seemed to be able to find yet.  I know it's the right decision.  But, it doesn't feel right.  It doesn't feel right at all. 

Yesterday we admitted Dalton into the hospital because of his anger issues.

It's hard to talk about.  It's hard to type about.  But, here I am on a Saturday night with that "nervous" energy that hasn't been there in a long time.  I don't know where to put it.  So, here I am at the keyboard.  It's probably not the best idea to put my thoughts down in writing.  But, I don't think I know of another way.

It's strange to visit this blog again and see the last thing posted was probably the greatest day of my life.  Yesterday may not have been the worst, but it was a pretty dark day.  Truth is, we didn't have a choice really.  Dalton is about to be eight years old.  When we first got him he was six.  The issues he has today are exactly the same as the ones he had the day we met him.  But, he's a lot stronger than he was at six.  He's gotten better at channeling his anger.  He's grown physically, but not at all emotionally.  He still throws a thee year old fit for nothing.  The little things trigger him a lot more often now.  And, most importantly, Bailey is suffering for it.  I've got to protect them both.

The beginning - Dalton is an anxious kid.  Always.  When he's having fun, when he's not having fun, when he's sleeping, when he's working, when he's reading - always.  He sleeps with his eyes open a lot.  He's on medication that is supposed to help him sleep.  We took him off of it and he slept better - but taking him off it it caused his impulse control to disappear almost instantly.  A week later, after the request of everybody that deals with him during the day, we put him back on it.  We've played with a couple of his medications.  Some of the things we're trying to achieve get better.  But other things surface.  As he outgrows his medication levels, his symptoms show up with more vigor before we can get the medication changed.  Dalton never got the things he needed as a baby.  Nobody taught him how to write, eat, wash, etc.  He's come so far in the last year, it's amazing.  But, one thing we're having trouble teaching is how to be a 7 year old.  Certain things trigger his "baby" instinct and he'll do this baby-type laugh that he thinks Lori enjoys.  She gives him that comforting mothering that he never got.   We hope someday his needs are fulfilled enough that it isn't necessary anymore.  He has no attention span.  I don't know if medication will ever find his attention.  He can look you dead in the eye as you are talking to him and not hear a word you say.  In fact, he rarely hears a word.  His grades are good, but recently things have gotten a bit harder and he's giving up more readily.  Math especially.  He's an excellent reader, but he sees how many pages he has to read and he quits.  Encouraging him only frustrates him.  The frustration leads to the thing we're all concerned about - his anger.

He did pretty well over the Christmas break.  He got a lot of attention I guess.  He was pretty anxious about Santa Claus and the anticipation was a bit of a problem.  But, overall, he did well.  We expected him to act out a lot more.  We tried to have a big talk with him before school started.  But, he wasn't in to it.  He viewed the talk as him being in trouble.  We were trying to tell him we were going to help him a lot more with homework and that he was in control of his behavior at school.  The frequent trips to the office just weren't going to cut it.  The talk ended with him screaming at me in his room.  Lori and I were a little at a loss for words.  But, we carried forward like we always do.

Tuesday was the first day back.  He had a therapy appointment.  We always expect an outburst after therapy.  It's just too much anxiety.  There were some bumps Tuesday night for sure.  Wednesday, things started going wrong.  He had an issue with a boy at school and told him he was going to "punch him in the face."  He knows better than to say something like that.  I think he said it because the boy didn't want to play with him.  Dalton viewed that as the boy being mean to him.  Dalton was written up for it.  A couple hours later, that same boy was hit in the head with a rock.  I got a call from the office.  Dalton was going to serve an "In School Suspension" the next day.  Dalton denied it for a long time.  Every bad excuse.  Obvious lies.  Wednesday night was a bad bad fit.  His room is already stripped down because everything he can put his hands on becomes something to throw.  He's destroyed dressers, beds, toys.  We've gotten more efficient at things over the last year.  He's got a bed he can't lift now.  A dresser he can't toss.  There's a lock on his closet door.  He comes after me.  I can still handle him, but he's getting stronger and his stamina is a lot better than mine.  I was sore on Thursday just from defending myself.

Thursday he had ISS and it was just him and a teachers aid in a small room all day.  No other kids - no recess - no frills.  He loved it.  The teacher was nice to him.  Why wouldn't she be?  He's a cute and funny kid when he's getting the one-on-one attention he craves.  He had a ball.  He went to his day care and when I picked them up, he was singing.  Nothing wrong in his world.  Until later - he admitted he kicked a boy who told him to "shut up."  Lori and I were a bit crushed.  He hadn't learned a thing from the day before.  The night ended chillingly.  We spent the evening talking about how no child deserves to be hurt for anything - especially words.  Dalton agreed.  Except, the two kids he hurt deserved it because they were mean to him.  I was inside the room when he said it.  Lori was outside the door.  We both knew that was a new line he just crossed.

Friday morning, the kids were eating breakfast.  Dalton was making a noise with his chair and I told him to stop.  The noise continued and I told him to stop again.  He said it wasn't him.  I asked bailey if it was her and she said no.  Dalton SCREAMED that she was lying.  Before I could get to them, he was in her face with venom.  I don't know if I would describe the look on Bailey's face as "scared", although I'm sure she was.  She was more confused at why he was so angry.  I got Dalton to his room quickly as it escalated.  He screamed horrible things to his sister.  I agreed that she had lied.  He didn't care.  She needed to pay.  It wasn't fair.  She was mean to him.

Lori and I knew immediately that our life as a family was going to change.  The original plan was for one of us to take off work and stay with him.  But, his inability to turn off the anger, and the fact that I was worried about Dalton hurting himself, Lori and I talked about the next step.  She made phone calls while I stayed with Dalton.

When Dalton saw our tears, his anger stopped.  I don't think he was concerned.  He just didn't know why we both had tears.  He knew from some of the other kids he's been around what going to a "hospital" meant when you weren't sick.  He'd been told of straight-jackets and padded rooms and such long before he came to our home.  I assured him we were going to talk to someone that could help us.  He wasn't worried about that.  Another fit came up when he realized mom had already taken Bailey to school and he wasn't going.  Once he got out of that, we were off to the hospital.

He and I were alone and he was fine.  Everything about the trip to the emergency room was fun for him.  There was a helicopter, he got to play on my iPod, there was a vending machine.  The emergency room had wires and machines, and a TV.  I sent him to the bathroom once in the hallway.  I heard the alarm go off at the nurses station but didn't think anything about it.  That is, until the nurses came running down the hallway.  I should have known he'd pull the "Pull for Help" cord.  He was fine and was sorry. 

Finally a nice "nurse" in a business suit came down and spoke with us.  At some point the realities of the day started to hit me.  I thought about just picking him up and making a run for it. I mean, when he's sweet, he's really sweet.  He was having a good time.  We got to ride in a golf cart over to the other wing.  When I started filling out the paperwork, I decided that Lori's presence was necessary. 

We were in the admitting doctor's office when Lori got there.  I told our whole story about 10 different times.  They were strict and firm from the start with Dalton.  He got a little scared because he was trying to joke and nobody around him seemed to think it was funny.  I started off a little defensive but quickly realized that they weren't doing anything I don't do most of the day.  I'm just not comfortable with strangers doing it.  The doctors had Dalton diagnosed almost instantly.  We met the staff and saw the facilities.  It was a whirlwind of activity, paperwork, and tears.  Dalton was fine the whole time.

We left there and withdrew him from school.  That was pretty hard.  His teachers were stunned (but not shocked I think).  Everybody cried together.  He's in school at the hospital.  We went home and got some stuff together and took it back up at 6 pm last night.  He was still having a blast.  There was a movie that night and he was going to get popcorn.  He really couldn't wait for us to leave.  He missed us, but he wasn't scared. 

Today, we got to go visit from 2-4.  Dalton stuck around for a little over an hour before he wanted to go back to play.  He's in therapy four times a day.  He has supervision 24/7.  They literally check on him every 15 minutes while he sleeps.  "Redirection" is something we are something we are very familiar with.  It's something that he's getting 24/7 now.  We saw the difference in him a little bit today.  We're meeting everybody on Monday for family therapy and other things.

The hard part - Bailey.  She's never been apart from Dalton.  Except for maybe once or twice, I don't think they've slept under a different roof their whole lives.  Bailey doesn't understand fully what he's dong there.  She went with us today and was fine until it was time to say goodbye.  She asked if he could just come with us and come back tomorrow.  I worry for her on Monday when she goes back to school and the questions on "Where's Dalton?" start coming in.  We're not sure what to tell her to say.  We're hoping she does her magic and comes up with something better than we could.  We're keeping her out of church tomorrow..

As a dad, my emotions are all over the map.  I know this is the right thing for Dalton.  I'd rather get him up to speed now than when he's in his teens.  I don't want to worry about what he did wrong or who he hurt every time my phone rings.  I don't want to wake up one night to Bailey's screams from some sort of revenge.  He's going to get 6 months of therapy in 6 days.  His birthday is Friday.  It kills me that he'll be there for his birthday.  Kills me.  He'll probably get a pony and a roller coaster when he gets home from my guilt.  The monster truck show is coming up, something we've looked forward to since last year.  That's probably going to be a no-go. 

But I KNOW he's in the right place.  Dalton is fine.  He's in camp.  He likes all the people that are watching him.  I hope he gets the help he needs and I hope he comes out with the tools he needs to deal with his anger.  I hope I get the tools I need as well. 

That's it. My cup is empty.  I'm going to do the best I can to throw myself in to work.  I'm going to do the best I can to make sure Bailey is well taken care of.  I'm going to do the best I can to make sure Lori and I are in a good place.  I'm going to to the best I can to make sure I'm there for Dalton for whatever he needs.  I'm going to do the best I can to breathe. 

Adoption Day - There's No Place Like Home

November 19, 2010

It's a Boy!  And a Girl!  Today I became a father.  A real father.  A "touch-my-kid-and-I'll-@#%$-kill-you" father.  Today Lori and I adopted the kids.  Dalton Thomas Peters and Bailey Faith Peters were born at 10:30 am at the Bell County Justice Complex.   I didn't think it was going to be that emotional, but boy was I wrong.  The kids have been so nervous about "going to court" that we have played it down into no big deal.  Court is a bad thing for the kids, no matter how much adults smile and tell them everything is going to be alright.  They just know when adults have said that to them in the past, it wasn't alright.  It wasn't alright at all.

So, I've been making Dalton say it back to me - What's going to change?  "My name."  What else?   "Nothing."  We're already a family.  Adoption means a paperwork change but nothing else changes around here.  Relax.  Don't worry.  The hard part is over.  This is just a formality that we have to go through to make sure nobody at the state can ever change their mind.  Ok dad.  Can we watch Spongebob now?  Cool.

I was wrong.

It was wonderful and scary and amazing and happy and touching all in one.  So much happened in such a short amount of time that I don't know if I even saw it all, much less remember it all.

Our time was from 10:20 to 10:40.  I think there were 20 adoptions on the books today, starting at 9 am.  My mom and dad got their early and got to see the opening ceremonies.  The court was decorated in a Wizard of Oz theme and the slogan was "There's No Place Like Home."

We arrived at 9:45 with Lori's parents.  We spent the morning doing a lot of the mundane stuff - laundry, making calls for work, etc.  I don't think it even registered that anyone was going to be there for me.  It was a formality.  That's what I've been telling myself for weeks.  Then we walked in the building.

There were TV camera and reporters and case workers and lawyers - most of them I knew from our two years of doing all of this.  Our adoption worker was there.  Our foster case worker was there.  The CASA worker was there, of course (she's been their biggest ally in all of this from the beginning).  Her supervisor showed up.  Our adoption lawyer, who I got to meet for the first time.  Uncle Brent was already there.  My mom and dad were already in their seats in the courtroom.  Pastor Davis and his wife made it and the kids were THRILLED.  The kids old case-worker (who is now 'retired") made it with his supervisor.  Many of these people have seen this case through to the end. 

I held it together pretty well.  There was a lot going on and my job of "parent" had to be turned up.  My kids were interrupting and touching everything and asking for stuff.  I had to make sure they weren't knocking over the High Definition NBC camera.  Then, when Preston walked in, I lost it.  I wasn't sure he was coming.  He had left the agency some time ago and we hadn't really had contact in six months.  If he wouldn't have shown up, I think I would have been a little hurt for the kids.  They hadn't asked about him in some time, but they would have known.  I would have known.  He was the reason we have the kids, in my opinion.  He didn't follow protocol and he just saw our file and PICKED us.  If it wasn't for him, we would have gone through a longer process and the kids probably would have gone to parents with other kids because of their "experience."  Preston believed in us from the beginning and wanted us to have the kids almost from moment one.  He trusted me with HIS kids.  His presence today was the passing of the baton from their time in state care to my watch.  I had about a five minute "get-it-together" session and then I was fine.  Just in time for the big event.

We went in and the judges switched.  I didn't really understand why at the time.  I figured they just took turns.  My kids had been going to court in what was their hometown at the time.  It's about an hour away from our town.  Turns out, the judge that presided over our case is the judge from their hometown.  He's presided over all their hearings from day one.  He made a point to cancel all of his adoptions for the morning so he could drive an hour out of his way to finish this case.  Then, he drove back and did all of his work in the afternoon.  I knew none of this until after we left the courthouse.  I'm still humbled by the committment.  Anyway.....back to the show.

We walked down the Yellow Brick Road to the courtroom.  The kids immediately relaxed.  It looked more like a playground than a courtroom.  Bailey had been worried about the banging of the gavel for weeks.  I had promised that I would ask if she could bang it when we got there.  When it was our turn, the judge asked if they could come up and sit with him while they went through everything.  Dalton immediately asked if he could bang the gavel.  The judge, not knowing exactly what he was getting into, said "SURE!"  Dalton got that look in his eye and I knew he was too far away from me to stop.  With a loud "ORDER IN THE COURT!" Dalton slammed the gavel down on the granite countertop.  That's my boy!  Broke the gavel.  The courtroom erupted in laughter.  They were able to fix it quickly so he didn't get upset. 

Five years ago today, Lori and I stood in front of an "official" and we got married.  It wasn't until the hearing started that I felt it all over again.  Lori and I were standing in front of the judge holding hands.  It was almost like watching a movie of it, just like our wedding.  The lawyer said his speal and the judge said some important stuff.  I was more interested in watching Dalton and Bailey.  Dalton was loving being "on stage" and relished everybody paying attention to him.  Bailey really started to understand what this was and how important it was.  She's pretended to cry "tears of joy" whenever she saw Lori or I do it....but today she really had her own tears of joy.  She got it.  It wasn't just an act.  The judge asked if anyone wanted to say anything.  Our pastor said that he was just their pastor but they were so honored to be a part of all of it.  My mother in law took her turn at how proud she was to be a grandmother.  As the judge was about to wrap it up, Dalton told him he wanted to make a speech.

It was a moment everybody in the courtroom will remember forever.  I can't say that it shocked me because I know my boy.  He doesn't have a filter.  He says what he wants to say no matter what.  His speech was something like - "I am proud to be adopted.  I love this family and I love my new mommy and daddy very much.  And my sister.  I love everyone.  Who out there LOVES ME!!!"

He killed it.  Not a dry eye in the room.  The judge, the court reporter, the other families waiting to be adopted.  Everybody.  On the way out, one of the clerks was screaming my name, almost like she was mad because I didn't sign something.  I went back and she said, "I'm sorry that son of yours is so shy.  You'll have to work on that!"  The judge wrapped up the formal process and told the kids that it wasn't official until the gavel was banged.  They each got to bang it.  Dalton was much more careful this time.  Bailey got her moment that I promised her and she banged it as softly as she possibly could.  She said all along that she didn't like the noise.  The judge gave them little foam gavels to keep.  I thought that was awesome.

When it was over, it was picture time out on the floor.  The kids attacked a couple of their gift bags before we could blink.  We went over and signed the paperwork.  In reality, the signing of the papers was the "real" adoption.  A moment not lost on Lori and I.  Lori and I got to steal what we though was a private moment in the corner and had a big hug and kiss.  I thought it was private until I heard a camera rattle off about 50 pictures in four seconds.  It was the reporter for the Killeen Herald Newspaper.  We'll see where that ends up. 

Eventually everybody was led out of the courtroom and we went "backstage."  There was a professional photographer who rattled off a couple of pictures.  There was a big cake and punch in another room.  We let the kids have some.  It was really set up for the "big" families.  None of ours followed us backstage.  So, we used it as a five minute re-grouping time. 

Back out to the lobby and it was hugs and more gifts for everyone.  We found the reporter and she took us to the side and asked us a bunch of questions.  The kids were excited to be interviewed but were really bored by the whole thing.  If I understood the reporter correctly, we're going to be in a couple of newspapers tomorrow.  And then on Sunday, I expect that we will be a "feature story".  The capper is that she expects that we will be front and center on the Sunday newspaper.  Front page.  Unless there is a war that breaks out or something.  I hope I didn't say anything stupid in the interview.  I'm sure I did at some point.  I'm still excited for our family though.  I'll by 100 papers.

We finally got out of there and we took everybody that wanted to go to the Olive Garden for lunch.  It turned out that it was just the family and Nicole.  Perfect.  Everybody else had prior obligations.  It was a wonderful lunch. 

I wasn't disappointed by anyone today.  My brother showed up and was as emotional as I was.  Dalton had a good excuse to throw a fit a hundred times today and held it together pretty well.  Bailey was like a little adult today with the way she dealt with things.  My in-laws were amazing as always.  All the case-workers and assigned people to our case were genuinely happy for us.  Preston went out of his way to make sure the was there for the kids.  My father thanked me after lunch.  I thought he was thanking me for lunch.  No.  He was thanking me for his grandkids.  My father-in-law basically thanked me for the same thing a couple of hours later. 

So.....that's the journey.  We made it.  That chapter is now closed.  That's the end of that book.  Today is the first page of a new book.  It ought to be fun.

Late night grumblings

I've been meaning to come here and type away for some time.  Since I've got the kids, it seems like there is always something else more important to do than write to myself (and the 8 or 9 people that may or may not read this).  I haven't updated since school started a month ago.

First grade for Bailey has been a pretty big success.  Her reading has gotten a lot better and in just about every way, she is growing up way too fast.  She's already far outshot her six years on earth.  She's so thoughtful and brainy about complex emotional things.  Lori loves when she's "on" and they can basically have an adult conversation.  She makes up songs constantly and a lotof times, they are about things that a six year old shouldn't have to even worry about.  But, not only is she worrying about it - she's dealing with it in a way that 95% of the planet would like to be able to.  I hope she's able to hold on to that.

She's had a lot to deal with lately.  Dalton is having a hard time of it these days.  He went through a growth spurt and outgrew his medicine.  We took him to the doctor and we decided to make a big change in his medication.  We don't feel like he's getting a good night sleep.  I crack the door open and he immediately sits up (or he's already up).  Also, he's getting a lot of anxiety in the afternoon and getting in to trouble at the end of the day.  So, more medication in the morning and we're ending what he got at night.

A week later and I feel like we've been through a war with a really strong munchkin.  He's angry and he's not afraid to show it.  We have to wait a certain amout of time to see how the new medication takes and let his body get out the old stuff (and it was pretty powerful stuff).  In the meantime, Lori and I both feel like, at the moment, that it isn't working.  We've alerted everybody at school.  He has NO impulse control.  That's been confirmed by his occupational therapist, teacher, music teacher, gym teacher, day care counselor, grandma, grandpa, and all of us here.  If he has a thought in his head, he's going to blurt it out no matter what is going on around him.  If he wants something, he's going to go get it no matter what's going on around him.  For the first time, he's started tuning us out when we talk to him.  Before, we would think he wasn't listening and he would repeat back the last 50 words perfectly.  Now, he can't listen and look away at the same time.  He talks constantly at school.  He forgets his homework, library books.  His grades are suffering because of it.  He'd be getting all A's if he'd just bring his homework home from school.

The hard part is that he gets angry at the drop of a hat and in the wrong situation, he throws a grand fit.  The other night I had every piece of clothing thrown at me.  He loves to destroy his room and throw things.  He knows he's not supposed to and he doesn't care.  He gets everything taken away and he doesn't care.  He used to care the next day......not so much anymore.  It's hard to punish or reward when there is nothing monetary that he cares about. He wants to try so hard when he's in a good mood.  But, when he's not, he could give a flip about trying.  I want so bad for him to not have to worry and be angry.  It seems that's all he is lately. 

We've got a couple of doctors appointments set up to re-evaluate everything.  Hopefully it all goes well.  In the meantime, tomorrow I become the parent of a "Cheer/Tumble" girl.  We've decided not to hold Bailey back because of our stuggles with Dalton.  We signed up today for Powerhouse Cheer and fitness.  She starts tomorrow and she's about as excited as a girl on Christmas morning.  She's in a level 1 class.  To graduate to level 2, she has to know how to do a cartwheel, roundoff, and back bend.  She learned the cartwheel a couple of weeks ago and has gotten so good and them it's scary.  She learned a round off on her own and is a day or so away from perfecting that.  It seems like she learned the back bend in the last 2 hours since she knows she needs that to start doing backflips in the level 2 class.  I'm very excited for her and I hope she enjoys it as much as she wants to.  We signed up for a month.  If it goes well, I'm sure I'll be giving this place $50 a month for the next 12 years. 

Other than that, we're looking forward to the Ren Fest coming up in October.  Halloween is just right around the corner.  We haven't purchased our outfits yet, but I think we all know what theme we're going for.  I've never cared about it before, but I'm looking forward to Daylight Savings Time ending more than I ever have.  The earlier it gets darker, the easier it is for my kids to go to bed.  :)

What a difference a year makes!

Today was Dalton and Bailey's first day of school for this year.  We got them almost a year ago.  We met them for the first time last week and we celebrated by running down to Galveston for a quick vacation.  It was really too much for them, but they held up well.  I forget that they are 6 and 7 and they can't go non-stop and do all the things my "college-boy" attitude dreams up.  But, it was fun.

One thing I have discovered being a foster/adoptive parent that I think is different from a birth parent.  I never got to see them grow from babies.  They've always been these little people....but not babies.  I can totally tell the difference in my niece, Mackenzie, because I've watched her grow from birth.  She doesn't look the same today as she did when she was born.....or when she was two.....or even four.

With my kids, I don't get to see that.  It's not a bad thing....I just missed that part.  I see them every day and I don't really notice the changes on a daily basis.  I'm sure every parent has those thoughts and feelings.  But I don't have a reference point.  I don't have a "remember when they were so small...." story.

Until today I think.  I took pictures of them the first day of school last year (2 days after they came to live with us).  I made them make the same poses.  Tonight I compared the poses.  It took my breath away. 

Dalton is so long and lankey.  He looks like he's gone from 4 years old to 10 years old.  Bailey looks like a little adult.  And honestly, that look has happened in the last few days I think.  They both have come so far so fast. 

By the way - today was hard.  It wasn't sad or emotional because it was the first day of school.  It was hard.  Bailey had a great first day.  We're concerned that her lack of....umm...."time management" is going to get her in some behavioral situations in 1st grade.  So far, so good.  She seems to be pretty proud to be a 1st grader.

Dalton, we're not so much concerned about his behavior.  But, something clicked in his subconcious today and he did not react well tonight.  Let's just say, he's got some consequences and restrictions for a day or so.  It's been so long since he's thrown a fit, I learned how much bigger and stronger he's gotten over the last couple of months.  But, tomorrow is a new day!

39,423 Steps down. 4,351 to go.

The day we decided to do this, I started blogging about it.  It was my therapy in the progress we were making.  Trying to make it real before it was really real I guess.  The day we got the kids, it was so real that this blog didn't just take a back seat - it was left on the curb.

But, today we finally met with an adoption worker.  The rights of their birthparents were terminated quietly in a courtroom 60 miles away about four months ago.  Nothing was said.  No ceremony or phone call or official letter.  Just a note from their CASA worker that it was done.  So, we've been waiting for a long time.  It's something we've learned that adoptive and foster parents need to know - how to wait.  We've done a lot of it over the last year and a half.  Not near as much as some.  Our meeting with the adoption worker was a big milestone on my journey, so here I am - putting my thoughts down so I'll have them to refer back to years from now.

A lot has happened since my last post.  It was back at the end of September and I had been a father all of three weeks.  And months later I can't believe that my little girl was the one I was talking about in that post.  She still has her moments.  And, what she was going through back in September was very real and very scary.  But, it's been so long since she's gone to THAT extreme, it seems like another little girl.  She is an angel when she wants to be.  It's usually because she wants something, but sometimes, she's just sweet for the sake of being sweet.  She's still a master manipulator.  Honestly, she's better at the game than her mom and I sometimes.  She catches us on "technicalities" so well that some of the time, we have to let her win.   She's a different girl today than that girl I wrote about back in September.  When their worker comes to visit now, we actually share a laugh about how much things have changed since that night.  The thing I think I'm most proud about is that Bailey is FUNNY.  Genuinely, independently funny.  Her comedic timing is spot on and she is as sarcastic as I need her to be.  I know I'm creating a monster for when she becomes a teenager, but I want her to have a personality other than a stepford child.  My parents, Lori's parents, and Lori have all noticed that she spews out the one liners as well or better than her old man.  I just love her sense of humor.

Dalton has come a thousand miles from the day he got here in a lot of ways.  He still has a hairpin trigger and can't control his anger.  But, the rest of us have a better system for helping him deal with it.  He doesn't really throw the same kind of fits as he used to.  At least, now it comes from a different place.  He'll throw something to show me he CAN throw it, knowing it's getting taken away....knowing exactly what the consequences are.  Before, he threw it to hurt me, the toy, himself, people that don't matter anymore.  Now, he's testing my limits....not his own.  That I can handle.  He still loves for me to be impressed with whatever it is that he does.  He world still falls apart if I'm disappointed in something he did.  I've learned to use both to keep his ego and self-esteem in balance.  It's tough sometimes.  I have to make sure I don't say I'm disappointed when I'm really not.  He is super sensitive.  He sees a series of therapist and doctors to deal with his motor skills, issues, medications, etc.  He handles it like a trooper.  He finally got the shoe-tying down.  He buttons his shirt, takes a shower, gets dressed, cleans his room, does his chores with little or no assistance.  He still needs the supervision, but not the assistance.  He did none of that without assistance when we got him.  He's a star wherever he goes - school, church, public.......people adore him and he knows how to make it happen.  He hasn't quite learned the art of telling a joke like his little sister, but he desperately wants to and occasionally, he'll say something that will make me double over with tears.  His little sister said, "Daddy - it hurts when I rub my foot here."  Dalton's response (he wasn't trying to be funny), "Well then don't DO that!"  He is very literal in his observations.  He doesn't understand what a "figure of speech" is because it usually isn't literal.  He desperately wants to be on a team.  We're trying to find some place for him to land.  Soccer and/or basketball this fall is probably where we'll go.  He wants baseball, but I won't be comfortable with that until he builds some more motor skills.  We're working on the catching and throwing.  I haven't had the nerve to put a bat in his hand very often.  It usually doesn't end well.

No blood in months.  We go out to eat like a normal family (it's actually pleasurable to watch our kids act politely and compliment the waiters and waitresses).  We go to water parks.  We've had swimming lessons.  We've been to a baseball game (and the fact that they watched even one inning was a major victory).  We've been to Sea World.  We have plans for so much more.

The kids still get sad about their birthmom sometimes.  Neither of them can listen to a slow song without mentioning her.  They hear a slow song, immediately call it a sad song, and that reminds them of their birthmom.  Bailey has had some sadness at school and the local YMCA and they have handled it wonderfully. 

It usually isn't until I bring up a photo of when we first got them, but we get amazed at how much they've both grown.  We don't really recognize the successes and growth we've had as a family on a daily basis.  But, if I look back 2 weeks, I see it.  If I look back 2 months, I see more.  If I look back to the beginning, it takes my breath away.  How far we've come!  How far we'll be going.  I've gathered enough hope for both kids (especially in the progress that Dalton has made with his physical progress) to know that ALL things are possible for my kids.  I won't have to make an excuse for why they can't do something in their future.  They're both all A students.  They are both social butterflies.  They are both incredibly gorgeous and will have dates lined up around the block when I LET them date.

Which brings me back to why I'm writing.  The Adoption Worker.  We lost Cary, our original worker some time ago to a job change.   I believe she's a worker in London now.  We miss her terribly.  We had a temporary worker and then got a new one.  I don't care for the new one.  I'm sure she's a nice lady, but I've met her once and some of her questions didn't fill me with a sense of "I'll take care of your problems."  It was more of a "I'll come up for some problems that you'll have to solve" type attitude.  But, we're far enough along in this show that I'm not concerned.  And as of today, I have no reason to be.  The kids caseworker, Preston, has kind of faded away.  I believe he's still in the area, but he no longer works for CPS.  He works for a youth ministry.   The kids don't know it yet.  He hasn't come to visit them in some time.  They still talk about him like he visits every month like he used to, but it's been four or five since we've seen them.  Nicole, their CASA worker is still right there with us.  I hope she always is.  You can tell she really cares for the kids and has been at all their important functions (birthdays, school functions).  I'd adopt her if they'd let me.  We've had three or four other workers stop by for one reason or another.  Inspections, paperwork, just because.  It's usually announced, but not a lot of time in advance.  It's usually a minimal hassle, but we've learned not to change our schedule to fit the workers.  We do what we do when we do it.  If somebody wants to come watch, they are welcome.

Tonight a 6:30 we met with a new worker.  The kids always get nervous because of their past with these visits.  "C'mon - let's go to McDonalds so we can talk.  Sure - you can have all the ice cream you want.  It'll be great."  And then they take them home to their NEW mommy and daddy.  Dalton is usually petrified of new workers.  He doesn't want to leave.  She was very nice and it took three or four tries for her to convince him that she was like the good witch in the Wizard of Oz (he had just watched it today).  When the good witch shows up, good things usually follow.  She was going to make sure that they NEVER left us.  She promised him.  Good enough for him.  Most of these people can't make promises.....they wouldn't be able to keep them.

She talked to us about the coming months and what to expect.  The big thing everybody wants to know is WHEN do we get to finally adopt these kids.  At first she gave us three or four options that weren't appealing.  We were pleased to know that we could move the case from the county that the kids were from to our county.  They don't like "their" courthouse.  We have bad feelings when we see it.  The last time they saw their birthmom was there.  They look for her there like she's never left since that last meeting.  Then, the worker told us that we could participate in National Adoption Day - November 19th.

November 19th?  Seriously?  That's our wedding anniversary.  Lori and I have continually found "signs" that this was meant to be.  Lori was laid off last July, we got the kids in September, and she went back to work this July - just enough time for her to make sure everything worked like clockwork for their first school year.  Now this.  Of course we jumped at the chance to participate.  There will be about 20 families there to adopt.  The courthouse will be decorated like the Wizard of Oz (did I mention that Dalton just watched that movie TODAY). They'll get special presents because of that day.  It will be a gala event.  There will be television cameras there and the whole nine yards.  Lori isn't crazy about the cameras.  Always worried about eyes seeing them that shouldn't.  But - it'll be fine.