The Beginning

When does being a father start? The day your son or daughter is born? Or before?

My wife and I have started talking about starting to talk about adoption. We have no idea where to start. We know what we are both looking for and I am very proud that we are so much on the same page out of the blocks, even before we ask ourselves the tough questions. We know that we don't even know enough yet to know what we don't know. So....we've started talking about it. Call it "The Information Gathering Phase".

For me, I haven't been this excited about anything in my life. Anything. Name it and this tops it. My wife struggles because I get bored when we don't have anything to look forward to - a trip, visitors, a holiday. This is something I've looked forward to my whole life. I've been patient and I think she's been patient. I wanted to make sure she was ready and just didn't want to do this because she knew I wanted it so badly.

Everything we've done in our relationship had an under-tone of leading to this. We moved out of the city and got a house with an "extra" bedroom. We never had to even have a monumental talk to know what that bedroom would eventually be for. We picked Belton over Temple. Partly because of the schools. How funny is that? A couple with no kids looking at the school system? I guess if we were really strategic, then we would have looked in Academy. Oh well.

Part of my information gathering process has involved talking with a couple of friends that have adopted, listening to their stories - good and bad. We're both at the age, and Lori has enough medical concerns, that adoption makes the most sense. But it's a big foggy mountain. Most places I've looked at assume I want to adopt a special needs child. Or, they assume I have $40,000 ready and waiting to spend on the process. So, I did some checking with the state of Texas and CPS.

Turns out, there is an "informational meeting" a block from our house tomorrow night. I filled out an information form. I figured it would be easier to say I already filled it out when we go to the meeting. If we don't go, we'll have to wait 3 months or travel to Austin or Waco in one or two months.

An hour lady, a nice lady named Cristy from the Bryan office called to make sure I knew about the meeting. After I hung up, I realized - this was no longer just a conversation between my wife and I. This is real and we really are doing something. I'm bursting with excitement about that fact alone. I understand it is just the "Information gathering phase", but it's something. The decisions I make from this point on affect my chances of becoming a father. I think that means my job as "father" has just started. I hope it has anyway.

We've decided to keep this out of the ears of my family and Lori's family. Not that they wouldn't be supportive. I think they would be TOO supportive. Especially Lori's family. We'd get newspaper clippings, e-mails, they'd interview strangers....all in an effort to help. We'll enlist their help soon enough. We're also aware of the unintentional bias they all might have. At this moment in time, my wife and I have what we consider an "ideal" situation, but are extremely open to the possiblilty (and probability) that we'll end up adopting a child that doesn't fit our "ideal" on day one. In other words, I don't want to disappoint my family when they're expecting a newborn and I bring home a 10 year old. We just want to be parents and we'll do what it takes. It's going to take all of my effort not to tell.

It's one of the reason I'm writing this blog that nobody will read for some time. I want to be able to go back years from now and remember the excitement I felt on day one. I want my child to know how excited I was. I want my family to know why they weren't included on day one. Maybe we'll include them on day 2. I don't know. But, this whole process is important to me.

My wife is a bit shocked by my organization in all this. Most of the time when she ask me to do something, I get to it when I get to it. I joke that when I asked her to marry me, she got on the phone and said "We have a go" and two hours later, our whole wedding was planned. I try to do a little something each day to move forward. I know it's going to take, days, weeks, months, and possibly years. I'm prepared. I know we're going to be told things we don't want to hear and probably have our heart broken several times before it's through.

I think being a father starts on the day you decide to be a father. And I think that's why I'm so excited.